I am very close to my 13 yr. old step-daughter, but she takes advantage of this?

Question

Me and my fiance are marrying in June. I have 4 kids (14 months, 5, 11 and 13) and he has a 13 yr. old, but I still call her my step-daughter even though she isn't tecnically one yet.

Anyway, we are very close (I am also close with my bio-13 yr. old, but not as much, she tends to be more close to my fiance)and she can take advantage of it sometimes. For example, her grade in Math went from an A+ to a D-. We got her some extra help, but she still complained. She'll tell me "Gosh Gabbie, I thought we were friends!" and I don't know what to say!

Whenever she does something wrong and I punish her, she'll say that.

What can I do to let her know we are friends, but there is a line between friendship and parenting(I'm not trying to replace her mother though).

HELP!

Answer 1

Well than just tell her that yes you are friends but parenting comes first and she needs to repect you and do as you say.

Answer 2

Everyone will have to have a talk about how, while the new step-parent IS your new friend, they also have to be seen as an authoritative figure. This isn't saying your family will adopt an authoritarian method of decision making, but the kids should know they can't think they can guilt the new parent into giving them leeway by making that parent think they will develop a bad relationship with that child.

One day she will learn what her parents tell her was right. Until then, she will spend her time trying to prove you wrong. (I call it the angry teenager phase.)

What you could say to her when she tries to guilt you is that yes, you are friends, but she needs to understand that such actions are solely your decision, but usually a joint decision between you and her father (and in some cases, I bet her mother will agree.)

Answer 3

No, you are NOT her friend.  You are her step-mom. You are an authority figure she's to obey.  Same goes for your child and fiancee.

Explain to her that while you can be a loving family, you are her step parent, not her friend.

Answer 4

Don't let her do that. You need to be both her friend and her mother.

Be firm but caring at the same time. Next time she says that, say, "And friends look after each other."

Answer 5

Tell her that I am your friend  and your mother. We can be friend s and you still act like your supposed too!

Answer 6

I learned a long time ago its more important to be a good parent than to be a friend to your kids.  When she says that to you just tell her she is taking advantage of your friendship.

Answer 7

This is right up my alley my fiance and i have been together for 5 yrs we were supposed to be married in june, all three of us live together and i have no kids of my own, his daughter is 13 and we were very close but she has started walking all over me and i put a stop to it, now she hates me, don't let her get under your skin, let her know you are not tryin to take her moms place but you are the mom at your house, and she will respect you, nip this in the bud now or you will be in the same boat i am in, if you need any more advice or want to talk my email is [e-mail]