I am wondering if anyone has any workplace tales to share?

Question

Can be any sort of workplace stories, amusing or funny, long or short. This is for a research project.

I find railroaders are full of "stories" but there must be some others too.

Answer 1

I owned a nightclub once upon a time and learned that womens bathrooms are the worst.  A patron came to me and said there was a mess in the ladies bathroom, I went in and the smell nearly killed me, in the last stall, there was c**p everywhere, it was as if the woman bent down towards the toilet but couldn't wait until she sat down and it exploded out of her @ss creating an imprint of the toilet on the back wall! Maintenance went in with his shirt pulled up around his mouth and nose holding the plunger out in front of him as though that would work! I could see his shoulders heave as he gagged. LOL It was really awful, but now I can laugh.

Answer 2

I was at work fixing a P/S leak on a tri axle dump truck, got out of the truck, dropped my pen, bent over to pick it up. Stood up full force into the open door, Knocked me out while my head was gushing blood. Went to the ER and got 6 staples. A few days off work with pay to boot.....

Answer 3

where do i start lol i got lots I'll just put one though.

on April fools me and a friend at work called the safety manager on his cell phone well he was on his way to work and told him that a truck came flying threw the parking lot to drop off a load hit 3 employees that were moving a pallet and it was a mess. We told him one guy was thrown 25 foot, one was under the truck and the other wrapped around the wheel of the truck. He was so shocked when we got done telling him that he had to stop and gather his thoughts. Then he asked if they were alive or dead. We told him we didn't want to touch them until he got there to look at it. He started to flip out as he was pulling in the parking lot and we were standing there laughing so hard we couldn't breath.

Answer 4

Haha, funny you should ask . . . . . .

The question earleir about railfans and photographers reminded me of one that my Dad told.

Back on the Milwaukee, as you can imagine with the electric power it was quite popular with railfans, hardly a daylight trip went by someone wasnt out there taking pictures or movies. One day he was cutting out the helpers at Piedmont and there were a couple guys taking pictures, being a freindly sort of guy Dad started talking to them, they had all sorts of questions and Dad asked if one of them would like to ride back over the hill and the other one could drive to Butte Yard and pick him up, ohhmygosh yes!!

They flipped a coin to see who got to ride and the guy was beside himself the whole way, taking notes, snapping pictures, asking questions.  Had a great time and thanked him most profusely.

A few months later the division Superintendant met Dad at the yard office and asked him to come into his office for a minute. The guy had written an article and it was published in one of the nationwide railfan magazines!

Of course there were pictures, the date, engine numbers, the crew name, everything.

The Super just said next time you let someone ride tell them to keep it quiet and ferchristsake dont put it in a godamned magazine!

(rails use pretty salty language) lol

edit: Bob, that made me smile, last weekend a friend of mine was playing for a rodeo street dance, he has played tenor sax all his life and is pretty darn good. Anyway a young lady walks up to the band during one of the breaks and does exactly as you describe, asks him if he will autograph one of her b***s, he turned to his wife standing right beside him and said "Honey, can I borrow a pen?" That girl left without her autograph too.

Answer 5

My dad was an engineer for the Southern Pacific out of Oakland Calif. S.P.'s headquarters was in San Francisco.Before my dad become the BLE general chairman he was local chairman for years so he had contact with most of the local officers.Well one day he was making a trip around the bay from Frisco to Oakland.His head brakeman and him were having a lively discourse about local railroad officials.They ripped everyone from the super down to the lowliest company officer.They did this all the way down the peninsula.He said the language got very colorful.When he got to Redwood Junction they had a red order board.He snagged the "orders"off the pole and to his horror had a message stating your radio button has been stuck since you left Frisco. UT OH!!! They fixed the radio but the damage was done.Any radio transmission down the line from Frisco could be heard in Oakland.When they got there the yardmaster told them the superintendent wished to have a word with them.The super was not very happy.He told my dad i couldn't really argue with your assessment of most of the officers,however when you got around to me i wasn't happy to hear that i was a stupid SOB that didn't have the sense that god gave a turkey.My dad said checking the radio button became a top priority after that.

Answer 6

Once in my work place my colleagues got into a fist fight and both got fired.

Answer 7

I’m not all railroad, but this is a kind of rail story, but not really.

My second career is that of a pro audio engineer.  Guess I’m just an engineer kinda guy.  And in plying that trade over the last 13 years or so, I’ve encountered many “colorful” type people, especially when working with a “national” act.

I was laying over in Klamath Falls, Oregon when my hotel room phone rang.  I knew it wasn’t the caller, since I had booked for additional rest.  When I answered there was a concert promoter on the line from Mesa Productions, and he was panicked.  

A local (to Redding) sound company he had contracted with for a show the day after the next had pulled the plug on a big show, country singer Collin Raye (I didn’t know until this show, but before hitting it big, he was a brakeman for the SP working in the Rogue Valley area of the Oregon Division), at the Redding Civic Center, 150 miles to the south.

Long story short, I was to handle the opening act, but what was needed the most was “racks and stacks” (speakers and amplifiers).  I worked home, got the systems ready, loaded a truck and headed south with my electrician and sons along.

When I arrived at the venue, I was struck immediately by the words “Claire Brothers Audio” on a large equipment case (for those who don’t know, Claire Brothers are to audio what Jesus is to Christianity).  When someone like the Stones goes on tour, so do Claire Bros Audio with any one of their many, multi-million dollar sound systems..

Show goes well, promoter thankful.   Afterwards:

As an audio engineer and a part of the production staff, the coveted "All Access" pass goes with the territory, and my sons love back stage and green room activities but didn’t want the work or the study that goes along with doing live sound. But after this show, their first at bat in the major leagues, they came to me and said, “Dad!  You wouldn’t believe how many girls asked us if we could get them back stage!”

“And what does that tell you?” I replied.

You could see the light go on and hear the gears gnashing up in their heads.  But, we all got a little more reinforcement shortly thereafter.

There was an absolutely stunning blonde that had been hanging around backstage since well before the sound check  Tall (I’m six feet and she was a bit taller), painted on jeans, a knockout.  We all assumed she was connected with the show in some way, a girl friend of a musician or one of the techs, theater employee, etc.

I was standing talking with the Mr. Raye’s production manager with my electrician and sons when this lady comes up to us and says, “Hey, can one of you guys help me?  I got this drumstick from the drummer, these sunglasses from the guitarist, and I want Collin Raye to sign my left t*t right here,” opening her western shirt and producing said t*t for our inspection.

For a very brief moment, I thought perhaps she and I could come to terms but, before I could speak, Ralph (production manager) says, “Well, you can try, but I don’t think his wife will go along with it.”

And with that, this beautiful Amazon walked off into history...

Answer 8

um, well, ther's this guy at my work who has a very funny nickname. They call him Suzie and the name just kind of stuck