I am young and I found a passion for poetry. Can you please help me with my poem? Comments? Criticism?Thanks?

Question

Ok well I am going into 7th grade. And anyways I have been in a lot of painfull situations with my family and I found that the only way to let out my pain was to write poetry. So can you help me with it please? Advice? Tips? Criticism? Comments? Thanks! Here it goes (I haven't thought of a title) Should I name it Surrender?

My tears fall to the floor.

Match the rhythm of my heart.

'Can't take this anymore.

I feel I'm falling apart.

I Surrender.

I look up to the sky.

It's never blue anymore.

It's black again, I cry.

What are black skies even for?

I Surrender.

Wake to thunder roaring.

Raging below starless skies.

Lightning, bright and soaring,

The only light in my eyes.

I Surrender.

The sun rises slowly.

With it's healing scarlet sky.

A cloud foats by, lowly.

I catch a glimpse in my eye.

I Surrender.

I close my eyes, relieved.

When I open them, I cry.

Cuz I had been deceived.

I knew I dreamed of a lie.

I Surrender.

(Sorry I need more room)

Answer 1

no that's actually really good.  people will chew that up and have it recycled as their own in no time

Answer 2

Great peom, really affective. id say many people can relate to it.

It could be made into a song as well id say.

well done, keep writing, and never loose the poems you write.

Good luck. x

Answer 3

k , wow thats an amazing poem , for someone of your age

Answer 4

I absolutely loved it!!!!!!!!!!! Wowzers!

Keep writing darling. Your doing wonderful :)

Answer 5

You have a natural gift with words.

Please keep up your endeavours.

Do not surrender!

Answer 6

I too have a love for poetry and I say that this is a great poem. If it were me I would call it "GIVE UP" and then at the end say somthing like

"NO!

This can't be happening!

NO!

I will not let it

NO!

I will find a happy song to sing

NO

This will not happen Not one bit

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP

I WILL NEVER SURRENDER

I AM STRONG AND YOU ARE TO

Fell free to use that or rearange it. No credit is required.

Answer 7

Its has promise but if I can tell you posting so close together doesnt give others a chance to be heard. Please let others comment on the first and maybe post again a few hours later

For you age is it good though

** I see you didnt mean too--