I answered a question in this category for the first time this morning.Reading through some of the other q?

Question

and a's, I'm shocked at the hostility between the regulars. What's going on (I did a little wikipedia reading so I could understand some of the language of adoption)?

Answer 1

I started reading a couple of days ago and was horrified. Sadly a handful of people with very extreme views have gathered together and seem to be feeding on one another's ignorance.

It's a very sad state of affairs.

Oh and Chicken Farmer - the advice you've been given re. adoption language is in contradiction to the language promoted by each national association and the experts in the field. You've stumbled into a treasure trove of misinformation.

Answer 2

I am annoyed because people come here stating that they want to "foster children" but they do NOT want to do what is required, such as the training or the homestudy, or they do NOT want to accept children as they are.  They just assume that they will take a child into their "loving" home and everything will be "perfect."

To me, this shows SO LITTLE THOUGHT about the children.  You get trained because the children have special needs.  You accept the children because they have had very little acceptance in their lives already.

And then these are THE SAME people that after a few months realize it is not "perfect" and they get rid of the children, sending them back or to another home.  And everytime a child is moved, the child loses 6 months from their development.  Every move adds fuel to the mental health problems because once again, the child is abandoned.  Every move makes the kid feel like a loser and KILLS their self-esteem.

People mean well, but they don't think about it enough.

The other reason I get annoyed is that people always come here and say something like "GOD will decided."

So, to all those people that means GOD decided I should have abusive bio-parents and spend 11 years in foster care.  That must mean I am either really "bad" or that GOD is really mean.  Both suck.

Answer 3

Its nothing new..you know aps, paps and agency reps trying to silence,manipulate, belittle or control nmoms and adoptee's.

I can only speak for myself but I get tired of seeing, hearing, and reading about the abuses/corruption going on in adoption by those on the receiving end.

Answer 4

[If you watch a while, you'll see that the anti adoption folks speak their minds, but any pro adoption people talk and they get bullied like crazy.]

Except that in real life and based on the media, things are actually the opposite way around.

"Oh, come on. I never heard about any adoptees who complain about loss in real life! Where is this anti-adoption impression coming from, sheesh?!"

Exactly my point.

Of course you don't hear about it in real life. Because people wouldn't WANT to hear about that stuff in real life.

Answer 5

People are often shocked when they first discover that fraud and abuse are rampant in adoption.  Adoption is supposed to provide a home for a child who needs one.  Adoption has been distorted to provide a child (infants are scarce but highly desirable) to fill a hole in an empty home.  The shortage of said infants results in aggressive recruitment of women to surrender their babies to adoptive parents desperate for a baby with loads of money involved in the transaction.

Yes, it's a shock when the rose-coloured glasses come off and the big business of adoption in America is exposed.  I used to think it was all rainbows and fairy tales too.

Suggest that you also read:

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier to understand the adoptee POV,

and

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade by Ann Fessler

and

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

to understand the pain of the mothers who lost their children to adoption.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Hi Chicken Farmer,

There are a lot of heated emotions today.  There are people or a person stirring the pot, as we like to call it.  Its typically not like that.  Adoption is a very complex thing and not all of us agree on everything.  Most of us can disagree while being civil to others, some can't.

On to your question.  What are the terms you are having problems with?

ap = adoptive parent

pap = prospective adoptive parent

np = natural parent = first family = first mom = relinquishing mother = biological parent

adoptee = someone who was adopted into their families.

sw = social worker

Birth whatever is hurtful to others, don't use it.

If there are anymore i can help you with just ask. thought of more...

OBC = original birth certificates

ETA = edit to add

POV = point of view

Answer 7

People reading a lot more into questions than what is there.

Answer 8

I gave up my daughter for adoption and thought I was doing a good thing but making sure he was in a good home with people who would take good care of him. But reading these people makes me think that maybe it was a big mistake. I didn't know that kids who got adopted were so angry.  

Answer 9

There are many, MANY anti-adoption folks on here who don't like to see happy adoptees, adoptive parents, or prospective adoptive parents express their views, hopes and dreams.

They intimidate and cyber bully them until they either stop talking, give in, or leave.  

I adopted my son from Guatemala as a single parent and they hate me for it.  Other international adoptive parents are in here as well and some speak up, but some are not going to show their true feelings for fear of being outcasted themselves.

If you watch a while, you'll see that the anti adoption folks speak their minds, but any pro adoption people talk and they get bullied like crazy.

Answer 10

The only difference is that adoptees are no longer as compliant as the cogs in the system would like them to be.

And we'll never go back in the closet.

Sorry.

Answer 11

I read your question and it really got to me. My hubby and I are in the process of adoption through the children's aid society. And every time I look on yahoo answers, I see tons of negative views! It's really stressful, I mean, we want to adopt kids (1 or 2 siblings) and we hope to be able to give them what they need to succeed in life, then I read horrible feedback from adoptee's and it scaress me! What if these kids end up hating us, resenting us etc...I know that things will not be perfect, and that we will have to deal with issues that are different than a non adoptive family, but we're ready, and we are NOT going to hide anything from these kids, they deserve to know as much as they can (as long as it's in their best interest to have that information ex. it might not be in their best interest to know that they were conceived through rape, but it would be in their best interest to know, and have contact with natural grandparents)  

Thanks for posting this question! I hope that we'll be able to find answers through yahoo answers that are realistic and not too hostile towards us! :)

ps... about God providing, well I don't know how to answer that, except that sometimes God puts things in our path to bring us closer to Him, I think that infertility was what I needed to be able to get closer to Him through the children that need help. Don't forget, if you adopt through the children's aid, these kids were NOT in safe homes! After many years of infertility, finally making the decision to adopt was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! It felt right, I think we have a purpose in life, and I hope that I'm not wrong in thinking that my purpose is to take unwanted children into my home and show them that they deserve to be loved and that they are wanted!