I asked a question yesterday...but....?

Question

Some of you thought it was justified that my boyfriend pay less than one quarter of the bills.....I need to clarify that we have lived together for over 2 years and I think he's using drugs. He made double what I make and I work 2 jobs just to keep the bills paid. I pay for his car insurance his cell phone plus every other bill he encurrs (ie:407...car is in my name also).

Here is the question from yesterday(only gives about a quarter of his pay check. I work 2 jobs and put both pay checks into the bills and he feels that my 3 kids aren't his so he shouldn't have to pay as much toward the bills. I find this VERY unfair! He makes me feel bad for even asking for the money. Sometimes he gives me a couple hundred dollars and a few days later...he wants some of it back and goes balistic when I don't return it. How do I make him see he is being unfair...because he just doesn't see it!

Answer 1

This is such a hard situation,  I also have kids and live with my boyfriend.  My situation is a little different because all I do is pay for groceries.  He pays for everything else.  I consider myself very lucky, but it is such a sensitive situation because the kids are involved.  It is kind of true to a point that you should pay more because there are 4 of you and only 1 of him (is your kids dad involved in their life?  does he pay you child support?)  

Him being the man should WANT to pay for a place for you to bring your kids and live, especially since he obviously made the choice to live with you.  He should want to take care of you.  I think he has a little resentment because you live there with 3 kids and he probably feels like the dad of those 3 kids should be taking care of them and I can promise you, he does not realize how hard it is to raise 1 let alone 3 kids on your own, which is what you are doing.  

He needs to realize that your kids are you.  And if he loves you and wants to be with you, he needs to love all of you.  which is those 3 little angels sent from god.  

Maybe suggest to him, that you dont want him to feel like he has to support 3 kids that arent his and that you will find your own place for you and your kids.  then you can just hang out with him when its just the 2 of you, because it sounds like he wants you, not your "baggage".  And he needs to know that you dont "need" him.  you need to know that too.  You will be fine on your own. you pretty much are anyway.  and you will inherit a car!! :)

Dont take it the wrong way, when your kids grow up, the one thing you will regret is not spending time with them.  You will never regret putting your life on hold to spend time with your kids.

Answer 2

I think that he is taking advantage of the situation. He knew that you had the kids before he moved in. What did he think that you were going to do with the kids.

Answer 3

No. He knows it's not fair. And he knows you put up with it. And he's not going to change, because he has it made, and he knows there are other messed up women who will put up with it. Or will you?

Answer 4

You and your 3 kids came as a package deal. He should be paying half of all the bills. If your kids were adult I could understand, but if not he should be paying half the bills whether or not they are his kids. Do he have kids that come over sometimes? Sweety, you could do bad by yourself!  

Answer 5

You need to kick this loser out!! First of all he should of accepted your kids before moving in... what do your kids have to do with him paying his share of the bills? He's just making excuses girl...

KICK HIS @ss out!!!

Answer 6

The problem is you allow yourself to stay with and live with a man who doesn't pull his own load. Also you think he is drugs? Why are you letting a man on drugs stay in the house when you have 3 kids there?

LEAVE already!  

Answer 7

Time for you to find a new roommate.

Get this guy out of your life and the lives of your children.  He is just dragging you down.  Find someone who is willing to lift you up and be supportive...this guy isn't him

Answer 8

What are you even doing in this relationship anyway? You suspect drug use and you have children in the home? I'm sure you are an intelligent woman, answer your own question by bootin his butt out! You are enabling him to be selfish. Stop paying for his cell phone. Stop paying for anything that won't ruin YOUR credit. Come on girl! You have 3 kids! Are you putting money aside for their future? For this guy to give you money and then ask for even a cent of it back....he is a freakin LOOSER and doesn't give a c**p about you or your children. He doesn't see that it's unfair because he is a jackass with a capital JACK. For any man to take advantage of a single mom of 3 kids is no good. Kick him out!  

Answer 9

So sit down together and make a list of all expenses.  Once the list is complete, and you have a total, ask him how much he thinks is fair for him to pay, and why.  If you agree, great, get him to sign a paper promising to pay that amount every month.  

If you disagree, you're either going to need to put this behind you and live with it, or make him into your ex-boyfriend.

Edit: Oops.  I must admit that Brutally Honest's answer is better than mine.  Do what she said.

Answer 10

all bills should be split at least 50/50..... if he does not want to contribute more..... stop paying "his" bills... he is using you....

Answer 11

You do realize he is abusing you?

Don't you?

Then why are you still with him?

For the sake of your children and the rest of society that will have to pay for them in prison later in life if you don't do something, leave this a**hole already!

Answer 12

Here's how you settle this:

Put the bills down on the table and divide them down the middle...

If he is going to be a moocher, set him free.

Good luck.

Answer 13

I have only one answer for you:  GET THE F*CK OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP!

If he's using drugs, do you REALLY want to be standing around when the cops come knocking on your door?  You'd be an accomplice you know, even if you're not using.  THAT can get you evicted, fired, and a rap sheet, just for starters.

Secondly, if he's not willing to take FINANCIAL responsibility for his life, then you're giving him exactly what he wants...a cash-cow AND a mommy.  

DUMP HIS WORTHLESS HIDE.  And if you don't want to do that, well, then I have no pity and don't want to hear your whining.

Answer 14

He should be paying half of all utilities and all of his cell phone bill on his own. What a jerk, taking from a mother of 3 kids out of his selfishness. I can see clothing and health expenses for the kids being yours and their fathers responsibility, but not house responsibilities. He knew you had kids when he moved in with you. Are you a team or not?

This is pretty big deal, a lot of people think money shouldnt be a big deal in relationships, but it is. Financial infedelity does exist! You are right to be angry and feel like you are treated unfairly.

Answer 15

It sounds like drugs are his #1 priority. If you're living together as a family unit you can do it 2 ways fairly. He pays HIS bills, you pay YOURS and you two split the joint bills, or you pool the money together and each have the same amt of spending money out of what's left. I wouldn't expect him to pay for my little one's dance lessons, but basics should be shared if you're gong to live together.

Personally I'd not be with someone on drugs b/c you don't want your kids to see that lifestyle or be in harms way. Be careful. Look out for you and your kiddies.

Best wishes to you.