I asked him to marry me, but he needs to think about it. Do I worry?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We hooked up in March of 2007 and three months into us being together, he asked me to move in with him. I felt we hadn't really been together that long and had only know each other 9 months, so I actually waited until about August when he moved to another place to spend nights at his apartment.

So here it is- it's September and we're still living together and arguing about finances. But in recent months, he's mentioned marriage a lot. He's always saying that when x,y,or z happens, we're going to get married. I found it great because for the first months of our relationship, he didn't want marriage. Now, he speaks of longevity. Yet, in spite of all the hypothetics, he hasn't asked me!

So I took it upon myself, since it's the intention on both parts, to ask him to marry me. I went all out and ordered his favorites, dressed in his favorite dress, and proposed. His response was "I've got to think about it." So now what? Do I worry? Did I make a tragic mistake? Will he ever ask me? Any advice?

Answer 1

I'm really curious about this.

I dont know, but I can tell you what I think.

I think that, translated into guy language, you told him he "owned" you and did not have to pursue you anymore.  

The problem is that I fluently speak 34 year old guy, and not modern post-teenie-boper or tweens.  The culture may have changed.

If he stops bringing up marriage, except to get you to back down in an argument, then I think he is pushing your button, not speaking truth.

If he takes years and doesn't follow it up with actions, then he likes having paid as little as he has for as much as he is already getting.

If he has an affair then he thinks you are a "kept" woman.

I would watch.  I would not live with "baited breath" on his response, but let him know you have a life, and he is either going to play a leading role, or no part at all.  I wouldn't say something like that if you can't back it up with actions.  He may decide that he is willing to test you and see if you are just playing or serious about your own life and future.

I know dozens of people who hook up and break up.  I know 2 couples who eventually married after being together well for like 7-8 years each.  They both said that the relationship was radically different after the marriage... and shaking up was no test drive at all.

Answer 2

i would NEVER ask a man! if he wants to marry you, he will ask. i guess you figured that out, though!

Answer 3

no i dont think you have to worry...it just means  youve got one smart guy!! he wants to make sure you are the right girl before he devotes his whole life to you. he would rather wait to get married other than just marry you and realize ur not right and get divorced....just give him time

Answer 4

give him time.

Answer 5

Well, if you are truly that worried, you might want to ask him about it.

Try something along the lines of "I thought you really wanted this, and I did too. I'm confused and afraid of why you said no, and I just want to make sure things are ok between us."

But if you aren't quite upset enough for a confrontation, i wouldn't worry too much. Men have a hard time comitting to a marriage because their single days mean a lot more to them than they do to us. they like having the ability to play the field, even if they don't want to. they like just knowing they CAN.

When a man proposes to you, it usually means he has looked all this over very very carefully and decided your worth it. When you proposed to him, it probably threw him off balance. THAT DOES NOT MEAN HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU. He was just a little unprepared. When a man says he needs time to think about something, he means he needs time to think about something.

And even if he says no, don't let it mean a breakup. Explain to him that just because he isn't ready to make your relationship more permanent doesn't necesarily mean you want to break it off if he's willing to give it another try. Be kind and try to look at things from his point of view.  

Answer 6

It's a big step. I'd give him a few days to think about it. If he doesn't give you an answer in a week tops then ask him what he thinks. Honesly the "when x,y,z happens" part might be a way of distancing himself from actually getting married. He might feel these goals are not easily obtained and that it will be awhile before they happen. He might flat out not be ready for marriage. It sounds like you moved fast, but marriage is a huge step. I'd be more concerned if he didn't think about it and just wanted to get married now. Thinking about it means that he is trying to be sure this move is right for him, which is the best thing he can do. Good luck.

Oh and asking him was truely brave. Don't listen to single minded people that would tell you differently. I asked my husband out, to our second date and if I'd have thought about getting married first I'd have asked him to marry me as well (his proposal actually really surprised me). I think it's nothing short of awesome that you let your desires be known. Never let some silly tradition stand in the way of your happiness. I bet if you look around the ones saying that the man is supposed to ask are probably single! I'd say a guy willing to turn down a girl that speaks her mind must be crazy.

Answer 7

um honeyy.. thats just g*y. so u guys have ONLY been with eachother for like not even 2 yrs.. and UUU asked himm..

i think guys asking girls are more... u kno [my opinion]

and i think u should like jst waitt and see and if he tries to ignore u or something.. then just forget about the whole marriring thing cause maybe hes not ready?? or maybe hes jst playing u.. who knows.

haha [:

Answer 8

It's a life-long decision. It's not something you answer on a whim if you haven't thought about it yet. Give him time. You don't want to rush into it.  

Answer 9

No not yet. A thought to consider... maybe he wants to propose his way with a ring! Guys can be weird about this stuff contrary to popular belief. Give him a little time and take a deep breath. It sounds like no damage was done :) good luck    

Answer 10

I think hes just draggin you along for the poon. I think he thought that he was saying what you wanted to hear. He didnt think you would take it oppon yourself.

Do you want to be with a guy who has to think about spending his life with you?  

Answer 11

since you asked first, i'd say it's kind of anti-climactic for him to ask again. but you may think about giving him some time, especially traditionally speaking it's the man that asks, and you may have thrown him into a tizzy.  i'd say if you're both under 25, it's too soon for marriage!

Answer 12

AWKWARD!!!  <Sorry you got shot down!>  What in the world would have been wrong with his accepting your proposal, and the two of you being engaged for a LONG period of time?!?!?  <He either made a huge mistake or he gave you his true opinion!>  I think you need to step back, not mention it again, and re-think this relationship.  MAYBE if you move out, he'll have time to THINK a bit more clearly.  Good Luck!    

Answer 13

Wtff....

thats like totally against the Girl Rule!!!!!

Answer 14

I highly recommend you both have a LONG ENGAGEMENT....  don't rush in

Ask yourself -  what is the hurry?  You going somewhere??? is he???  THINK about this.\

Marriage is a life long commitment that is a partnership.

The fact he has to think about it shows that one of you is thinking clearly and not thinking emotionally.

If he says no... agree with him and don't scare him off.  

Talk about planning for an engagement and to take your time when you are both ready - - - it will feel right when the time is right.  You'll both know it when it comes.

Answer 15

Huge mistake that was his job to ask you cause if he wanted to marry you he would  ask you.Or maybe he had something plan like giving you an engagement ring and you beat him to the question huge mistake.

Answer 16

Ok my gf asked me what i would do if she proposed to me. 1st of tradition is guy is suppose to ask the girl. not the other way around my answer would have been the same it was probably weird for him and he prolly felt real uncomfortable. i know you meant no harm but maybe you should relax and wait for him its only been a year and half right? my gf and i have been together for 3 and a half years. maybe the time will come maybe not I'm just not ready for all that. ya dig?

                           good luck!

Answer 17

well you shouldn't worry because 68% of the time a guy asks the girl to marry them, so he probaly just shocked that happened and will definitely be fine don't worry at all. Just act normal around him so he doesn't think anything weird going on. HOPE I helped and GOOD LUCK :-)