I asked this on the parenting site and only got one response. Please give opinion!?

Question

What would you think, say or do in my situation?

I had my best friend and co workers' oldest daughter (20) watch my three grade school children and grandson before and after work. It was their second day of school and she picked them up 45 minutes late. She realized she was late and went and picked up her middle school sister first! Then when I came home my 9 year old son was on the floor crying. He wouldn't get up until I told him he could go straight to the van and we would go home. He said through his head in his arms and tears that her 15 year old brother hurt him. I got my 6 year old and grandson and my 10 year old had walked home (up the hill because her 16 year old brother was putting him and my 9 year old in headlocks but of course the babysitter and her grandparents said they were playing. I find this hard to believe coming from three adults that allowed the 15 year old to do this to my 9 year old and was laughing. They were suppose to be protecting him and instead he had no one)! I told her she will never watch my kids down there again and we left. When we got home I found out that the fifteen year old had pinned him down and took his fingers and repeatedly poked him in the chest. It was red when I called and fired her immediately and told her mother, my friend what had happened. Later, about 45 minutes, he started to devolpe a bruise about the size of two quarters. I called my friend and had her come up to see the bruises. She said that he was the one wanting to wrestle with her son, who is 15!!!!!, and that he basically was asking for it. I was so mad. I did agree that she didn't have to tell her fiance because he was staying at his mom's for a week because of her kids and how they behave. She would have no place to go if he kicked her out. I thought she would still disciplne him and even her daughter because in my opinion it was ultimately her fault since she was there and laughing about it and in charge. Well, 5 days later and he still has a bruise the size of two quarters on his chest and come to find out a rug burn on his arm from where it rubbed when he was sitting on his wrists. I talked to her youngest daughter and she said that her mom had not punished him and she had two bruises on her leg from the same brother. My husband overheard this and he called and told her fiance because he said, later when I confronted him about calling, that he thought he needed to know so he could keep an eye on this boy so he doesn't do it again to any other kids. He said he wasn't trying to stir up any trouble he just couldn't accept that nothing was done and obviously my friend didn't think it was a big deal and that it was "kids being kids"! Needless to say now she is mad at me and my husband because she thinks I knew that he called and him for calling. She also said that her fiance and everyone at work (where I work also but wasn't there because I had a son out from school today) thought that my husband was wrong and I was wrong for being upset. Am I crazy or am I the only sane person in this world?!? Would you be as upset as I am and would you be equally upset that it has gotten turned around to where my husband and I are the bad guys? Honestly I am furious now not just at her attitude towards this but everyone else I work with that thinks its just kids being kids when a 15 year old pokes my 9 year olds chest for so long that it rubbed a carpet burn and a bruise the size of two quarters that is still there 5 days later. Please answer honestly. I don't think I am overreacting and I am finding it even hard to be mad at my husband, even if he did not talk to me before calling. I wish he would have but I have to say that I understand his reasoning. Thanks for your opinions......

Answer 1

Not easy having kids and farming them out to sitters. You really never know what goes on when you are not there, and frankly you never will as it has to be a trust or extremely high reference. In your particular situation I would have to say you might as well take the lumps from all the people who know, think they know or are sure you are over-reacting. The simple fact is you didn't know that the sitter would allow this type of activity and determining who's fault that is could be up for debate. I would have to say it's yours. You are probably thinking I am a real nut job but give it some thought? You left your children with someone you thought you could trust (Thought being the key word here). Next time you need to insure your kids are in a safe secure place with someone who knows the difference between child's play, mature reason and what's right or wrong. Just because you thought it was OK doesn't relieve you of responsibility. As for the people you work with; ignore them they don't matter. As for your husband, he does have the right to butt in with out your approval, unless you told him in the first place that you took care of it and doesn't have to bother.

Answer 2

i would've been angry and honestly if i were you i would've reacted the same way

Answer 3

I don't think I would have wasted my breath telling the 15 year olds parents anything. I would have called the police and filed charges against him, and the 20 year old who was SUPPOSE to be watching the kids. She was neglectful, and he was down right abusive.

Believe it or not, I did experience something similar while I was raising one of my nephews, a 16 year old neighbor boy had blacked my nephews eye, and to be honest, I'm a bit of a hot head when it comes to my family, and I too, made the attempt to talk to his mother, however.. when his mother refused to do anything in regards to her 16 year old beating on a 8 year old.. well, let's just say she had a black eye that matched my nephews. It was wrong, I know.. Looking back, I wish I had followed the advice I've given you. I wish I had filed charges, because maybe if her son, had face a judge, he would have had a lesson that carried on over into his adult years.

If this friend of yours says anything else.. remind her that you COULD have gone to the police. In fact, get pictures of those bruises and rug burns now, before they go away just in case.  

Answer 4

Well, I can tell you why no one answered. I made my way down to maybe half way and I kept thinking it was going to end. But it didn't. I scrolled all the way down and REALIZED no one had the patience or inclination to read all that stuff. I imagine you will find babysitter problems Alot. Take the mom to court for child endangerment.

Answer 5

I doubt that everyone at work thought you were wrong. First of all why did she tell anyone at work and secondly even if they did agree with her that doesn't make how you and your husband feel about this wrong. Most people would agree that a 15 year old should not be "playing or wrestling with a nine year old. She is lucky that your husband didn't call the police.

Answer 6

I think you are totally justified being angry and upset about this.  I also believe your husband did the right thing to make the phone call.  Kids being kids is not acceptable, kids do often cross the line when playing, especially when playing contact games like wrestling which is why they need responsible adult supervision.  Your son must have been upset during the wrestling when he was being hurt.  What happened is basically assault and you would have been well within your rights to go to the police.

Answer 7

I would be furious and would have done the same thing your husband did.  The whole day was ridiculous.  45 minutes late? bruises? rug burns? no discipline? Your "friend" can't have told the whole truth at work if everyone agrees her on this.  I say lose those people...who needs people like that.

Answer 8

I believe that you have every reason to be upset. No child or adult has the right to leave bruises on any child of any age. I understand why you don't want to report the abuse, but how would you feel if you learned it happened to another child because you didn't speak up? As for as your co-workers do you know weather or not they heard the true story or just her version, and even if they did hear the true story maybe it is something you should take up with management since this type of thing should NOT be discussed at work anyway. This women had no right to say anything to anyone at work about it.