I broke up why does it hurt?

Question

So after breaking up several times we finally broke up for good and ended up the engagement. We had a long distance relationship and I felt under appreciated. She always told me that it wasn't me that the the problem was her. I've told her in the past that she needed to learn to love herself, and that she was probably going through depression given that she was so unhappy with everything, but she alway denied it and got angry when I suggested that. After we broke up this time I told her that I don't have the maturity to deal with those problems and I that I cannot let go the snapping all day long even though I know I am not problem. Yesterday, she called me and said that she will never be able to be in a relationship until she loves herself and get out of depression. I didn't say "I told you so" because I am devastated for loosing her, but I am really upset because I tried to help and now that I finally decided that I don't want to be treated that way she finally agrees that she needs therapy. Why did it have to be that way? Why I am so hurt? Why do I still love her, but I cannot go back to a "snaping-relationship? She says that I dont know how to let go everyday fights. I say I cannot let go too many everyday fights.

Answer 1

Even when things are not going good and we want out, we still care about the person. There is a grieving process with losing any one no matter what way it came. But you are right no matter how much you love her unless she loves her self she will make every one around miserable.

Answer 2

get laid

Answer 3

Of coarse you are going to hurt, you loved her.  Time will heal your hurt. By the sound of it you should be glad you got out, she really sounds messed up.  I'm not being mean here it's just she needs to seek professional help.  She has some deep feeling that are causing her pain and taking it out on people.

Answer 4

Well my man, the reason to your question is simply one word...LOVE.  That four letter word is sometimes worse than the other four letter word.  On the flip side it can be the key to heaven as well.  That is the gamble you take when you decide to give your heart to someone.  It's like letting someone borrow a possession of yours that is fragile and no matter how much you ask him/her to be careful, and treat it right....it does not change the reality that the power is in his/her hands.  

Now, i cant help thinking, however, you ex has a guilty conscience.  To deny that she needs help and then to say ok i need it....its funny to say the least.  Your sure there is not a triangle somewhere in your time-line?

Answer 5

Oxytocin withdrawal.

Answer 6

Break -ups always hurt. Maybe after she realizes the need for help and after se gets it maybe you can get back together. It sounds like to me she is bipolar.

Answer 7

Cause you're not a real man.

Answer 8

Dude, i AM your girlfriend. No, not literally but I had a boyfriend and we just broke up because of the same reasons. I did not love myself, depression, snappy, etc and more things but I can relate. Breaking up is always hard and I believe I know why - its not necessarily that you are in love. My mom was in a relationship with my dad for 20 plus years and finally got away (it wasn't the best)..anyway she said it was hard to leave and for so long she kept going back because to her it was ROUTINE. I mean you wake up one morning thinking all is well and you have a significant other to care about and the next its fallen apart. I bet if you get out of that routine its going to be fine. Leave her be she probably really does need to find herself and just take this time to heal your wounds.

I also agree with your girlfriend.. she shouldn't feel on edge to talk to you about her negative feelings, because its like if she does that one fight will make you break up. Now that's truly not love, nothing breaks love I believe. I just hated that I felt on edge every time I talked to my boyfriend bout how I felt, because if he didn't like what I said, oh look - break up time! Yet i ALWAYS tried to console and accomodate his feelings...