I can't bond with my baby?

Question

I had a baby boy on 2nd September, and I just can't bring it to me to look at him, I spent as little time as possible with him also.

My ex-boyfriend, the babies father cheated on me when I was 7 months pregnant with my best friend, and they look alike, the baby and his father. I don't know whether this is anything to do with my issue.

Advice and support would be great.

Thanks

Answer 1

Your baby is nearly a year old now, so i think you really need to get some outside help. it is quite common to not bond with a newborn at the beginning. your problems with your ex may well have something to do with it, you need to speak to a health visitor/midwife/doctor. don't feel ashamed, it is not your fault that you feel this way, and admitting to it is a big part of the battle out of the way. you can get over this and have a happy and full filling relationship with your child

Good luck!!

Answer 2

forget about your ex. just pretend he doesn't exist. just look up some sites that help with baby bonding.

Answer 3

wow thats jsut ridiculous. My fiance of 5 years cheated on me when i was around 8 months pregnant. He left me for her and of course it was his child. My son look just like him. i look at him and i cry sometimes because i loved my fiance to death. Hes the man that took my virginity and the only man i have a child by but yet i love my son more then life itself. I love him more then i ever loved my fiance. If you cant even look at your son and love him then why do you have him. He deserves better then that. You are are just being selfish and your son is the one paying for it

Answer 4

it probably has something to do with how he looks like you ex.

i would recommend talking to someone  else other than us, we are the last person you would want to talk to.

btw, thats my birthday!

Answer 5

You should go to you doctor and discuss this, there might be some classes to help you bond. This baby is not your boyfriend, it's a new life and is special he is relying on you with his life to be a good mother.

Answer 6

Your baby is almost a year old and you are NOW trying to get help for this?  What have you been doing with your poor son in the meantime??

You need to find a counselor  to talk to ASAP.  It is not fair that this poor baby has to be deserted by his mother because she "can't bring it to me to look at him"

For your son's sake, find a doctor or counselor TODAY

ETA:  Ok...it makes more sense that he is only 2 weeks old!  You may have some postpartum depression.  You really need to see a doctor soon before it gets any worse, and you do something you may regret.  Good luck!!

Answer 7

I think it is Postnatal Depression. Discuss it with your health care provider.  

Answer 8

Your baby is obviously a reminder of a bad relationship you had. If you can't get over that though, and show love to this child, it's going to affect in in ways you can't imagine right now.  Do you love him?  You may not be the right person to be raising him if you don't.  Babies didn't ask to be born but once they get here they do have the right to being loved and cared for properly.

Answer 9

If you don't feel that you're bonding by the time you take your baby to the first office visit with your child's doctor, discuss your concerns at that appointment. It may be a sign of postpartum depression. Or bonding can be delayed if your baby has had significant, unexpected health issues. It may just be because you feel exhausted and overwhelmed by your child's arrival.

In any event, the sooner a problem is identified, the better. Health care providers are accustomed to dealing with these issues and can help you be better prepared to form a bond with your child.

Also, it often helps to share your feelings about bonding with other new parents. Ask your childbirth educator about parenting classes for parents of newborns.

Bonding is a complex, personal experience that takes time. There's no magic formula and it can't be forced. A baby whose basic needs are being met won't suffer if the bond isn't strong at first. As you become more comfortable with your baby and your new routine becomes more predictable, both you and your partner will likely feel more confident about all of the amazing aspects of raising your little one.

Answer 10

Oh my! Sorry to hear that but the baby had nothing to do with that. Put yourself in th babies position, what if your mother did you that way? Your baby could grow up cold and unattached. Prayer gets me through whatever it is. So my advice to you is to stop trying to handle it yourself, and just pray about it and be the best mom you can be. Remember you are held accountable, NOT for what someone does to you, but for what you do to them. And in God's eyes, one of the worst things you can do is hurt a child. Good luck.

Answer 11

You are seeing the baby's father in him everytime you look at him.  You probably hate your ex for his cheating ways.  Don't take it out on the baby - he will have enough problems with that guy as a father.  Get a good attorney, get child support, and learn all you can about custody, visitation, support payments, etc.  You will feel slightly better knowing the father is paying.  You might talk to a counselor about your feelings, it might help.  Good luck.

Answer 12

this sounds like post partum depression. dont think of your horrid ex when you see your baby. see yourself in your baby. consult a therapist, they can help with these sort of issues.

Answer 13

I have to agree, post pardum depression. I suffered from this after my second son. My ex husband beat me, cheated on me, and by the end of this pregnancy we were sepreated. When I had my son he was born with a heart defect and I came home without him. Once they finally released him I found myself unable to do anything. He would cry, I wouldnt move. At this point in time I lived with my mother in law, and she noticed I wasnt doing well. I went to the doctor who sent me to a counsler. They adviced hospitaization due to my sever post pardum. Your circumstances may be heighting this normal hormonal reaction after the birth of your child. Its not anything wrong with you, but you should seek treatment so you can feel better, and feel a connection with your baby.

** Just saw you adjusted the date from September to August. Honey its NORMAL for mothers to take some time to bond with their babies. I take it your a first time mother?