I can't bring myself to do anything...?

Question

LONG READ!

I'm nearing twenty. My problems began when I was still in high school. I still have the same friends from back then - no new ones, really. The majority of my friends were (and are still) unorthodox people; some are social, some are not. I was probably influenced the most by a good friend who has lots of siblings that never graduated from high school. Among these siblings, one brother, in his early twenties, was very intelligent. Before he took his oddness to the point sociopathy, we had often had some very interesting conversations. Getting a bit off-topic here.

I never graduated from high school. A while after quitting high school, I left my parent's house to start a career in another part of this country, where I had an apprenticeship. I went and lived with a friend, whom I now regret ever having met. Eventually, this friend, and some past influences made me quit my job.

After a while, I moved back; it was close to home, except I lived in my friend's parent's basement. I hardly maintained contact with my parents; I am very antisocial (though I haven't always been this way).

I quickly realized that I had to get out of that basement, but I had already developed a strong addiction to that environment, and that eventually became a fear of going outside. Nearing the end of the basement era, I was becoming similar to my sociopath friend, and feared for my long-term mental health. With the support of my soul mate, who lives in another country, I overcame my fears and moved back to my parent's house (a big step, moving back to your parent's house).

Progress since leaving the basement...? Physically, I'm in excellent form; before the basement happened, I had already been exercising regularly. I came out a stick, but have put on a substantial amount of meat since then. I'm pretty sure I've finally figured out what I want to do for a career. The person that unknowingly got me out of the basement now knows everything about me. We love and care for each other more than we care for ourselves, we admire and respect one another like no one else we've met, and yet we still haven't met.

I want to do everything there is to do in life, and excel in all things. I know I am a capable, healthy person... and I am willing to work for what I want. And yet.. I can't bring myself to do anything! It's as if I'm still in the basement. I stutter and stammer and mumble when communicating with people I don't know. I can't seem to find the motivation to hold a job. I'm very apathetic to anything concerning my well-being.. yet I am concerned. Everything is going wrong. I can't bring myself to do anything. I want to, and I know that I can, that there is no problem; but I can't. The only thing I have been able to bring myself to do is exercise in a dedicated manner; other than that, I just can't bring myself to do anything. It feels impossible.

So my question is.. can you help me? I refuse to see a 'mental doctor' or go through any sort of counselling, but if there are any actual doctors out there, I would REALLY appreciate your opinion. Though I'm a strong believer in keeping these kinds of problems to oneself, this problem is getting (has been for a LONG time) out of hand, and I feel that I am running out of time.

Does anyone out there know somebody like me? Could this be a mental illness?

Please don't flame.

Answer 1

You know, a lot of what I read sounds like what i went through in my youth,. I too didn't finish High School and at a late age got my GED, In the first try, I tell you this because, I think that you can do anything you set your mind too, And you have to come to terms to what ever the cercumstances are to as to why, you feel like this, something must of happened to you, and somehow you have blocked it out, This is what happened to me, I won't go into details because, it's private, but until you go and see that, Doctor, You are not going to get better, somethings you just cann't handle along, It's not enbarrasing or anything, and it's not like you are crazy, What is the definition of Crazy, There isn't one, because life has so many different types of  happenings, and so many different ways to feel that who is to say normal or not, We cann't determine, We can only exsist and put into motion what we have learned in life, we are our own rulers, and we shouldn't set ourselves back, take that first step, let go and talk about it Express yourself.. Good Luck and God Bless  

Answer 2

I know EXACTLY what you're going through, because I have been going through, and am going through the same thing, myself.  All I want to do is just enough to keep my body in a house.  Beyond that, I don't care what I eat, I only care to drink when my tongue gets dry, my appetite sucks.  I get hungry, but then I can only eat a little before I either feel stuffed or the sight of food makes me want to throw up.

I don't care about other people or what's going on in their lives.  I just want to stay home, get high, and explore myself through my own imagination.

I think the two of us may be ancient souls, friend!  I know of others who are going through these same feelings, and I've talked to them face-to-face.

Here's what you gotta do.  Most of the ancient souls I've met in my life have had an interest in things like Dungeons & Dragons, role-playing games, and MMORPGs, in addition to fantasies of living in such a world for real.

Have you ever had such desires?  Like, oh wouldn't it be cool to live in a world full of magic and sorcery so we could have all kinds of fun.

In my own explorations of these ideas, I'm finding that this type of fantasy reality is possible through mental interactions with the quantum field.  Essentially this quantum field is the source of magic for the universe, and the basis for the miracles of Jesus, which were, essentially, magic.  Jesus was a wizard, in effect, whose mind understood the connection between the quantum field and his own thoughts.

I think the reason people are feeling pulled away from their day-to-day lives into a more reclusive lifestyle is because it's a quantum field effect that is entangling with our mental activities.  It's interacting with the immortality genes in our DNA and activating latent information about us.  Obviously this would be to transform us in some way.  What we're being transformed into is something that's going to be locked within each of our minds.  We're being pulled away from worldly concerns to give us time to sit back and daydream about things--about ourselves and how we relate to the universe and each other on an eternal level, not just on earth.

Damaeus

Answer 3

It sounds like what  I went through. I had schizophrenia. Google schizophrenia. You will find many of the sympotoms are the same. It is not too late for you. Go to a mental health unit or your GP. Since taking those tablets I feel fantastic and so can you!

Answer 4

Well, first off you aren't even twenty yet - so don't worry, you aren't running out of time. I'm not a doctor in any way but I think that if you at least talked to someone (like the person who got you out of the basement) they would be able to help because they know you better than we do and they could help motivate and support you. And maybe once you finally start to get back on your feet and feel a little better, maybe you should go see someone, at least once. You don't have to tell them everything at once just feel them out and decide whether or not they can help you. That's all I got for now. I hope you feel better soon and I don't think you have a mental illness, you are fine.