I can't care about my parents anymore. Should I just stop caring?

Question

I'm 17 and I really can't stand my family anymore. My dad was a drinker and actually attacked my mom over stupid things. The idiot even asked me, his own son is he should divorce my mom. I was 14 then. What was I supposed to say? Tell me because I had no idea. He doesn't drink that much anymore, althugh he does have his moments. He hasn't attacked my mom but has verbally abused her sometimes. He's a very negative person and brings everyone around him down. My mom continues to live with him, despite him calling her a **** for no reason and hurting her and trying to control her. She says she feels sorry for him because supposedly he grew up with negative people. I have to tell you, I could care less how he grew up. He's called me a b*****d and a stupid **** and even still my mom defends him saying that's how he grew up. Trust me I hate him and I hate him and don't really care if that's how he is because it isn't fare that he can treat people like that. He's always complaining about his family from his side. He's in his 40's, he needs to get over it. So that's it. My mom is very submissive and she does not listen to me at all. She's always complaining she has to work too much or she has aches and pains or she's gaining weight. She sells art on the internet so her work is flexible. I ask her to take a day off and relax but she won't. I try to be nice and give her advice, but she never listens. I guess she just loves misery. So that's it. Sorry if this is long but I imply don't want to care about them anymore. Don't even tell me I have to help my mom because I'm only 17 plus she clearly doesn't want help. I also don't want her living with me because she's going to continue being submissive. I tried to care about them, but they simply don't accept it so I give up. I need to worry about myself. They're adults and they can solve their own problems.

Answer 1

been there done that, my parents ended up divorcing and are happier for it, HOWEVER, there is nothing you can do about their problems look after YOU, you may not want to leave but it sounds to me like your dad is violent/aggressive GET OUT BEFORE YOU GET HURT! you may not want to but you need to, remember only they can fix their problems, you can't help them no matter what you do, if you truely care you will get a job, move out and look after yourself you obviously don't want to but you need to cause no matter what you do nothing is going to change at home!

be independant and look after yourself because they won't, trust me I've been there and I actually had to start fending for myself not long after my 16th birthday, moved out at 18 and I'm now 20 so there is hope for you

Answer 2

You are seventeen, entering into adulthood and it seems not one minute too soon.  You emotionally are prepared to sever ties with them. But are you ready to live outside their home? Do you have the skills to survive? Do you have a car, a job?

If you are well versed in independent survival, then I'd say absolutely let them go their own way, you do not need to shoulder their burdens.  I hope at least that you have some definite goals for your own future.

If you haven't lived on your own before and haven't got a job or a plan, then I'd say stop your whining until you are supporting yourself.  Get a job then save your money and get a car, then start looking for apartments and move out.  In most states emancipation is at seventeen or earlier, but some states have longer times.

Fact is though, unless the parents put up a fuss, no one enforces the emancipation rules anyway.  If you feel you are ready to make it on your then by all means do what you need to do to get ready and go.

Answer 3

I actually kinda agree with you.But the only thing I disagree with you is you saying "You hate Your Parents or Cant Care For Your Parents".Because if they werent your parents,you wouldnt be here today.But it is wrong of your parents of how they treat you.My advice is talk to a consolor...and get this,once your 18,you can move out.Or if you get the states permission to move out....

Answer 4

It's easier said than done, but I;d say yea, stop caring. There is only so much you can do for/to help others, if they want to keep acting that way and perpetuating problems, while never getting to the root of any issues, don't waste your energy. It's hard not to care when you're right in the thick of it like you are, but all you can do is let them know how you feel and that you've stopped caring. It could or could not slap some sense into them, but all you can do is try and don't let them get you down. Their problems are just that, THEIRS, and it would be so exhausting for you to care, since they don't really seem to be so concerned about your well-being. The best thing you can do is get done what you need to get done and dont let them affect you negatively.  

Answer 5

Please look into alanon/alateen in your area.  They also have several informative web sites.  This is a group that helps people deal with their own problems from living with/ loving people like your family.  I am glad that you don't see your mom as the innocent and that you know they have to help themselves.  You might also look into books by Melody Beattie.  I wish you serenity.