I can't control my son. What should I do?

Question

Yesterday, I was woken up at 2am by a knock at the door, and it was my son with 2 police officers. The officer informed me that my son was in possession of alcohol and was cautioned about underage drinking. The officers had also found him and his two friends in the early process of vandalizing an abandoned car and officers were called to the scene after a complaint was made from one of the people who lived nearby.

My son apparently snuck out of the house while I was sleeping when this all happened.

What can I do? I am very concerned!

Answer 1

how old is he? if he is a teenager, bootcamp is a possibility. you could try seeing who he is hanging out with and try restraining him from him. the most influential people are his closest friends, and it sounds like he is hanging out with the wrong group of friends. you could try family counceling, but the major problem is there is not enough communication between you and your son. Stick up to him. show him whos boss. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Beat him like a fucing pinata.

Answer 3

well you can talk to him or you ground him, but he chooses his own actions =s good luck talking to him, hope he listens!

Answer 4

boys will be boys

EDIT:

wow whats with all these ppl tell this mom that she should send him places: like bootcamp, counseling, group home, or church (lol)

just tell the kid not to get caught next time ;)

me and my friends do this stuff all the time we drink... and find abandoned cars to beat the s**t out of... the only mistake this kid made was that he got caught... also tell the kid to run from the cops next time... i do and i get away like 75% of the time...

and this kid is NOT looking for attention... if he lives in the suburbs like me its VERY boring so he is just trying to have fun..

good luck

& no snitchin

Answer 5

I am not married and i don't have kids but my brother was just like that but my mom didn't want to hurt him because you know she loved him but when he did it again my mom sent him to like a boot camp thing for the whole summer it helped for about 3 years then he started up again but with different things like s*x and yucky things. hope i help a little! =D

Answer 6

how old is he?? take him to church so God can turn his life around

Answer 7

Hit him.

@ BunnyBoo

Exactly.

@ Noelle S

What is with Christians? It's like they're trying to recruit on internet forums like Answers.

Answer 8

he needs attention...but you can hook up an alarm system in the house and purchase and install window mounts so that when the window is opened above the sensor it signals a loud screech or alarm.  

Answer 9

I would deffintly try talking to him. Tell him his behavior isnt exeptable.

I would personally ground him from something he uses a lot like video games and such. He needs to understand that what he did was wrong and has effected you on a personal and emotional level. Let him know your hurting, the guilt trip.

Also you are who your friends are. I wouldnt let him hang out with those types of people anymore.

Have him do community service or something along those lines so he gets a taste for something that consumes time and helps others. He will also make friends in the mean time.

I know this sounds like a bunch of c**p, but i've been there done that.

Answer 10

All teenagers will eventually do something stupid, and it happens to all parents in some form. I would just put a short leash on him, as in ground him, and take away all his prized possessions for a while, and take away his free time and fill them chores.

Answer 11

well i was like that when i was younger but not too that extream! Honestly u need to hit ur son. I know its wrong and againest the law but it needs to happen. I grew up wild without a father i got hit by my mother with coat hanger,metal fly swater ect. I'm not trying to give u parenting advice but look at what can happen if he continues to be this wild? hey my parents did the right thing at the time because they showed me whos boss.

Answer 12

Set and enforce the rules and apply harsher punishments.

Answer 13

Beat him.

Answer 14

He sounds depressed about something. If your close with him and he tells you stuff you can ask him about it. There is always a reason for rebellious behavior you just have to discover it. Maybe he doesn't know either. Men don't usually express their feelings so he could be hidding them.

Answer 15

let him get in trouble he will stop

Answer 16

Talk to him about how disappointed and concerned you are.  Probably ground him, take away some privileges, etc.  Allow him to EARN back your trust, though.  If he gets caught doing something again, you should hope the cops make him pay the consequences with a fine or something of that nature.  Don't try to bail him out.  Let him suffer the consequences.

Answer 17

Try to reach his heart by talking to him honestly.  Try to get to the bottom of why he's acting out.  Show him you're interested in his true feelings as his mother and that you're concerned; don't just lecture him and that's it because his response will be to rebel again.  Find out if he feels that something is missing in his life even if you don't think that's the case.

Answer 18

Consider getting him into therapy. Does he talk to you very much? Try talking to him about how he feels. Behavior like that is usually due to children feeling negelcted or unhappy with their lives. If all else fails, you should probably consider sending him to boot camp.

Answer 19

Discipline, but don't hit him. My father has harsh when he needed to be and a great friend when I needed one. Don't yell, don't show frustration, let him know that you still love him.

This is going to be a hard time for you and your son's relationship. He's going to need your guidance more than ever. You don't need to be insane with your choice of discipline, but you can't be soft either. Start by talking to him and finding out why he decided to do these things. He may be crying for help. Be a friend. Don't yell at him. But, at the same time "support his failure" by sending him to boot camp, calmly explain to him that it's for his own good. For god's sake, don't hit the child, he'll only rebel more.

You both have some growing to do here and in the end, if successful, your relationship will become stronger. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 20

Treatment, Counseling, Group Home, and Etc.  

Answer 21

next time he does it, let him get arrested, he'll figure it out.

or you could tell him to grow up.

Answer 22

Teens at his age think its cool.  You should sit down and talk to him.  Tell him about how achol is bad, smoking, drunk driving ect.  Tell him why its bad for you.  What happens and all that.  Then ask him if he wants that to happen to him.  Tell him he could possible die IF he is drunk driving.  No abuse tho.  Abuse doesnt help.  You smack him once, he will keep doing what he is doing.

Warm regards,

Nicole xoxo

:]

Answer 23

You didn't mention his age. Are there any male figures in his life that he respects that might be able to talk to him about his behavior?

If there's no other recourse, look into one of those boot camps for kids situations. Tough love. If he's not going to honor your home and rules while he's living there, send him some place where the rules are much harsher and he'll be have no option to but to obey.  

Answer 24

This is not a case of boys will be boys.  My son is 12 and he is awesome.  I have no worries.  You should get a lock for his door and lock him in his room at night since he can't be trusted.  I would ground him and not let him go anywhere.  His friends are obviously a bad influence.  Is there a father? He needs a swift kick in the butt and professional help.  You are the parent so take control.  You have to nip this in the bud because as he gets older he will become more difficult.  

Answer 25

How old is your son?  If he is still in school then take the security and "tough love" up a notch.  If he is older then maybe he should be sent to fend for himself and live on his own.  It's not uncommon for teenagers to go have a run in with the law once in their lifetime.  Maybe he has a new choice of friends that arent the best to be around.  Seeking a LCSW would also be a good option.  This type of counselor is only there to talk to people and help them express their feelings without prejudice.  The good thing about them is that they wont give your son so pills and say he has a mental illness that causes them to do the wrong things because they are not allowed to perscribed medication.

Answer 26

Well teenagers are teenagers I suppose. They are all out of control now days, and will continue to be unless people take serious actions. I would beat his lil butt seriously, my parents hit me when I was growing up..no big deal and I never vandalized or anything of the sort. The people that say you should not punish and what not are obviously disillusioned. Or if he is to old for that send him to the jail for a night or just a few hours, a lot of jails are more than happy to do this to help.  

Answer 27

you should speak to him firmly but no  violence i dont believe in violence  ground him for like 3 weeks and keep an eye on his additude

make sure his not dizzy or stuff tell him how you feel tell him hes hurting you tell him to stop

Answer 28

You get an alarm system installed and you don't tell him the combination. You also ground him for three months. No TV, games, nothing. If he sneaks out again, call the cops on him and report him as a run away. Also, drop him off and pick him up from school and keep him home. He needs to learn.