I can't find peace and it is killing me. Can anyone help?

Question

My two best friends went to the beach together and didn't ask me, after years and years of being the "3 Musketeers". I was told that one of their parents had said that he could only invite "one person". On the way to the beach they were in a horrific car wreck and died. I still wish they would have cared enough to ask me to go, even though they both died that day and even if I would have died too. And other days I am glad they are dead because it hurt so much to find out after all those years that I didn't mean as much to them as they meant to me. Now, I am just numb, and I have never truly trusted anyone since. I don't know how to be a friend or have friends. I don't know how if my pain is centered more on the loss or more on the hurt of my awful realization. Please help.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you, not only for the loss of your two best friends, but also for the tremendous amount of pain your heart must be feeling due to guilt. I am sure you feel guilty because your life was spared and theirs was not. You were angry at them at the time of their death and maybe you feel subconsciously responsible in some way. Please don't feel this way because it was not your fault and not in your control. Even if you had bad thoughts about them for not inviting you, there isn't anything you did, said, or thought that caused the accident. They probably only knew how much they liked you as a friend and felt bad you couldn't be with them on the trip.

I see it as God sparing your life that day. None of us can ever know when it is our time to go. God felt it was not your time yet because He had other plans for you. There is something special He wants you to do with your life. You just have to find out what that is. He doesn't want you to feel sad or bitter. Ask Him to help lead you to the path you were meant to follow. Your friends will be proud of you. You will be happy again but you can only take it one day at a time. The sadness will eventually fade. Keep thinking of the fun things you and your friends used to do together. Don't think about the negative.

Find someone you can trust to talk to and keep a journal to write down your feelings. Don't keep these things locked away inside. You will feel better as you release them. You are in my prayers.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear of your loss.  I cannot imagine what you are going through.  

I lost my best friend last year unexpectedly of an undiagnosed heart condition.  We were in a "4 Musketeers" type of group.  I was stuck in the middle of a year long fight between him and friend A vs friend B.  Him and friend A had not talked to friend B for nearly a year when he died, though he had expressed a desire to make up with friend B in the summer.  

The situation was too emotionally complicated for anyone to unbiasedly and truly listen.  I went to grief counselor at my school and it was truly the best thing for me.  I am a fairly private person so I thought it would be hard for me to open up to a complete stranger, but as it turned out it was incredibly refreshing.  I cried my eyes out during every session but after 6 months of therapy, I had gained the tools to effectively cope (that is not to say I was "cured" or anything).

I guess what I am trying to say is, I would reccomend seeing a counselor.  The situation will always suck and there are a lot of should of, could of, what-ifs but what's done is done and you can't change any of that now.  I thought for the longest time that I would never have a good day again or be able to be happy.  15 months later, I can say I have had good days and have been happy but I also have had horrible depressed days that seem to be triggered by the most insignificant things.  

Grief effects everyone differently and every copes in their own way.  A counselor will help you find out what ways will help you specifically cope the best.