I can't get over my mentally abusive ex even though i have a new guy.ive felt like this for over 1 yr!?

Question

i've been with my ex for about 2 years, and for the most part, it was horrible...he didnt treat me right, he cheated on me, he pushed me a few times, he'd break up with me every other week, then we'd get back together...we've been broken up for over a year and a half..but since then we've sort of "rekindled" our relationship. The most recent time we were sort of together was about 5 months ago...since then i have gotten a new boyfriend of whom i have been with for 4 months... he treats me like a princess, he's the kind of guy i said i always wanted, and now that i have him i still can't move on from my ex...my ex has gotten in trouble with the law, has experimented alot with drugs, and treated me like dirt. whereas i know he doesnt deserve me, i just can't bear the fact of us not caring for each other anymore..he's been on antidepressants and from what i know has some mental disorders..idk if that plays into me feeling "hooked" but i just want to find some answers. i dont know if anyone has suggestions of what is going on here, or what i could do..i've never had such an obsession with somene, especially with him treating me bad and all..i cope with everyday situations normally, and am not depressed..he is an exception to my life being wonderful, and i hate it, i want to move on for good but i dont know what to do, time hasn't helped and neither has talking to friends and family

Answer 1

I think you should talk to a professional counselor. Being with an abusive person takes a toll on you, even after its over.  

Answer 2

What I would recommend you do is make a list of pros and cons about your ex.  Be objective when you are done writing everything down and look over it.  It may also help to write a "love list" about 100 qualities that you DO want in a guy.  Then you can see how few of those your ex has.  It sounds like you are with a good guy now, so lean on him for support if/when you need it.  Your ex is using you as an emotional floaty--don't let him!   And I've been where you are, it took some counseling to see what a manipulative jerk my ex was...I'd just always been the one making excuses for him, with everybody.  You'll find that once you can see the situation from "the outside" it will become very clear that you need to let him go and stay away!