I can't have an o****m............?

Question

Do I have to be relaxed to have an o****m? Because when I'm having s*x and I'm about to o****m, I tense up and then the feeling goes away. But when I'm by myself I'm more relaxed and I can have an o****m. No immature or rude answers please, this is a serious question!

I'm 18 by the way.

Answer 1

well dont think about and dwell on it. if you do that, that will continue to happen. you gotta stay relaxed.

Answer 2

try a different position. maybe it is the guy though. make sure you're comfortable, want to have s*x, and aren't stressed out:) They have these kits where you can make a mold of your partners part...you could make one of his and then use that to figure out what you like. Then you get to try it in real life!

Answer 3

Well not to get too personal but how long have you been having s*x? It may be that you and/or your partner just not experienced enough, which is perfectly normal.

You could try different positions, maybe your partner is unable to stimulate your g spot?If your tense when your having s*x, try not to concentrate so much, just relax and live in the moment.Don't be afraid to talk  with your partner, either..tell him what feels good and what doesn't.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

You are 18 but didn't say you were married.

Before you go rolling your eyes and accusing me of being old fashioned (which isn't an insult BTW) let me explain something...when you are married to a man who loves you with all his heart, he will want to please you and will work with you to achieve the best sexual experience possible.  

But to just have a s*x with a boyfirend (or lesser acquaintance) is to go to bed with an uncommited man whose main concern is more-than-likely himself.

Take the old fashioned moral high ground and do yourself a favor and wait for the man you'll marry who will do right by you!

Answer 5

When I was studying human sexuality in college, the professor said that the most important organ in sexual satisfaction is the brain/mind. You may be tensing up or not simply letting yourself go. If you can bring yourself to o****m, instruct you partner how to do it for you. A lot of women have your problem as far as being just about to o****m and then not having it happen. I heard one woman say that she didn't want to let loose and have her lover see her in a state of what was, to her, a complete lack of self-control.

Keep trying and if you have an understanding, patient partner, one who is willing to follow your lead, I'll bet you will be successful.

Answer 6

There have been studies that indicate what your struggling with is because it's not "right". Intimacy is part of the way you were made by God for this to be "right" . Sexual promiscuity is dangerous to your health(1 Corinthians 6:18; Romans 1:27). The Bible warns that "he who commits sexual immoral sins against his(or her) own body," and those who commit homosexual sin would "receive in themselves" the penalty of their error. Much data now confirms that any sexual relationship outside of holy matrimony is unsafe. The wages of sin are death.  Even though your doing what your doing, your body is trying to tell you "don't go there." God is real, and His Word is Truth. Science,is proving The Bible true every time they try to disprove it. My prayer for you is that your eyes be open to the Truth before it's too late. I speak to you as one with, unfortunately,  experience. A few years of pleasure aren't worth ruining your life for many years of happy, productive life, or eternity in h**l.

Answer 7

Don't tense up, just close your eyes and let your mind wander. That will get you relaxed so you are able to achieve the best thing worth achieving haha. Good luck! =)

Answer 8

Hmm interesting i belive that mabe you do o****m but you so tensed up you dont realize it because when your about to trust me in this it don't go away. Just if you must i kno this sounds bad but just have s*x often and the tension will go away eventually and youll feel it  

Answer 9

i have the same thing. its just when i think about acutally having one during s*x i cant. the best thing i do is just breathe and concentrate on how it feels instead of having an o****m. you do need to be relaxed.

Answer 10

Unlike a man, women are not  orgasms everytime kind of creatures in general , and it has nothing to do with if the guy knows what he is doing or not.  and most women do not from vaginal stimulation alone ever.

Also it is normal for you to not have one, a real one, until you are older.

I suggest playing with yourself alone and see if you can get yourself to the point of o****m. You will differently know if you have one. If you are not sure, then you have not yet. after you find the right combo of k***s, buttons, levers, and the sequince in which to push and pull them, then you can share that with your man. Every woman is different so find what works for you.

More info.

Stats are from the amazing Dr Drew:

If you’re having a hard time reaching the Big O, you’re hardly alone! Studies show that about 10 percent of women have never experienced an o****m, and 50 percent of women have had trouble getting aroused at some point.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21597671/

50-60% of women will never have an o****m via intercourse and will require clitoral stimulation to climax.



30% of women will have a reliable o****m with intercourse.

10% of women will o****m with intercourse and could possibly have sequential orgasms.

5% of women have true multiple orgasms only through intercourse and these women typically find oral s*x uncomfortable.

http://www.drdrew.com/DrewLive/faq.asp?i...

Ok Read this http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice...

Answer 11

You are still young, and so are the individuals you are intimate with. Having an o****m is not a necessity every time you are intimate. There are many women who do not ever have orgasms with a partner, they fake it.

A lot of women will m********e either with their fingers or a vibrator and will be able to have an o****m, nothing wrong with masturbation, it is healthy and you are not going to die like some people think.

A intimate relationship is like any other relationship, you need to have open communication, show him what you like, use your toys along with your partner.

Patience and time, communication , relaxing and just enjoying yourself will take time but it will sooner or later come together . The more you worry about it the more of a problem it will be during your sexual encounter. I hope this has helped.  Good luck to you.

Answer 12

You're less inhibited when you are by yourself, and you can let it all hang out. Try farting in front of the guy- I'm not kidding- if you can do that, you can be relaxed enough to have an o****m around him. I had the same problem, and farting worked for me! It's the same mechanism. Also, pretend your by yourself when you are having s*x. Your mind will then let you have an o****m.  

Answer 13

The problem with us females, we know what turns us on and where the "g-spot" is, but are too shy to tell the partner what goes where.

Certain medication (especially anti-depressants & some pain killers) could also cause problems> believe it or not> Also a simple distraction or thought could take it away. So just try and focus on or picture that that turns you on and block out the rest.

been there, done that!

Answer 14

theres some woman who can't o****m it's only like 30% though..

eventually that goes away though.

Answer 15

I think you are too nervous and "Expecting" the o****m when you are with someone rather than you have complete control when you are by yourself.  I do suggest to relax and when it comes, let whatever it is take nature by the course.  Don't think so much, if that makes any sense.

Answer 16

if you`re too tensed up, you`re mind will totally forget about the pleasure you`re feeling and it will go away. just feel relaxed and focus on how good it feels and like the moment and everything and when you feel it coming, let it come, don`t get scared or anything. you probably are able to do it alone just because you know you want it and you don`t care, but when you do it, you probably get nervous or something. either that, or the guys giving it to you isn`t good enough. haha. that sucks for them. but yeah, i`m a year older than you, and i only got to experience that moment once with someone. soo you just have to wait, you`ll get it.

Answer 17

All I can say for now is perhaps you are destined for greater things than having s*x. This o****m problem you're currently experiencing could be your calling from God to become a nun.

Answer 18

ya i agree that your young. i had the same problem and am still trying to work on it!..i never seem to have them during penetration, so ,,,good luck!  

Answer 19

You could have one, if you can make yourself have one, there's no problem.  Sounds like you get to tense and may need to relax a little when with a partner.  I would suggest trying foreplay first, see if you partner can get you to have an organsm without penetration - it may be that the act just isn't doing it for you and you need some outer stimulation.

Hope this helps -

Answer 20

maybe when your with another person you feel more nervous

just relax and enjoy it

maybe when u find the right partner you will o****m

Answer 21

It is sometimes difficult for females to achieve o****m because they frequently let other thoughts enter their minds while they're having s*x.

It would be helpful for you to simply concentrate on each movement and how it feels.  Think of what you're smelling, tasting, feeling, etc....  This can keep your mind on your body's senses....and off thoughts that can interfere.

Answer 22

definitely relax. if you are comfortable enough with the person to have s*x with them, then you should be comfortable to o****m. don't be embarrassed in front of them. another thing i'd try is experimenting with ways you like to be touched. there could be a way that you could reach o****m easier.  

Answer 23

Too serious of a woman...that's not positive.

Rude what's that, an expectation, immature,

like fun.  Your no fun.

talk to the sexual clinic personnel,  they even

will give you a box of smarties with free colours

condoms.

Answer 24

What you should do is have someone you really trust and can be open with in the room with you while you 'attempt' to aquire an o****m on your own. You might have to do this several times before you are actually able to o****m or really feel relaxed but I believe if you are able to o****m first with someone just being in the room with you it might help you. Sharing an o****m is one of the best things in the world.

Answer 25

try not having s*x or maturbating for a week, this way it all adds up sort of. also just try to be more relaxed when your with your partner.... god luck!!

Answer 26

Yes,your mind and body have to be in the "zone". It may take afew things for this to change: Maturity,becoming more comfortable with your body,finding a partner that you have a secure connection with,learning to let go. Good Luck!

Answer 27

I have the same problem.

I can never get an o****m because i get un relaxed.

But yeah just ease up.

& make sure you let him keep going when you feel it coming.

Answer 28

Yes, you have to be relaxed and totally trust the person you're with or it usually won't happen.

Answer 29

Tensing up right before an o****m is like the big sign that you are about to have one! So focus on the feeling, how good it feels, let the tensing just happen and allow yourself to have an o****m. Or maybe you can tell the person you're having s*x with to do something a different way, or keep going? Perhaps s*x is not the way to get an o****m. I heard that most of us don't o****m during s*x. I think you should try to relax and enjoy everything, hopefully this will work. Good luck :)

Answer 30

I have read psychological journals on this issue....people who can o****m through masturbation, but not through s*x.

It's an issue of trust and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  You see, o****m is about the loss of self-control.  It's also about allowing yourself to look different, or to sound different.

Answer 31

eff ur age

unless ur underage

focus on yourself. with or without whoever.  whenever you have s*x there are so many varialbes and one constant.  you. yes you.  say it again go jill off and then come back to your computer

focus on yourself.  in and out of that bed girl and you'll be fine.

eff what he thinks, we men are just grateful for the first kiss let alone whatever follows

you are in control of everything. like i tell my fiancee.  if you can carry a human child, create life, kill all men and keep the sperm banks open, i am at your mercy

we all know it, some do and don't say, others deny, younger men just haven't wrapped their brains around it

make sure they wrap it up, live it up lady!