I can't help but feel like a loser.?

Question

I am an asian living in an asia, currently studying in 11th grade.

I am average looking and short. I seem to inherit the worst genes from my parents- asthma, square face etc. My mum is prettier, more curvy and taller( including my dad) than me. Furthermore, I am the shortest in my entire family clan (maternal and paternal).

I am not really smart either, my dad always criticises me for lacking common sense and sometimes, I doubt I even have a brain. My lack of intelligence is also reflected by my grades- a string of E because I can't seem to focus in class.

I don't have an aim in my life...it's like there's no motivation to drive me anywhere. All I know is that I like fashion and I want to work in an MNC so that left me with the choice of a business course. Initially, I wanted to be a journalist or lawyer but my aunt told me that I won't be able to enter such courses due to my poor command of english. However, I can string coherent sentences, it's just that I have difficulty in expressing ideas, always talking in a roundabout way, be it written or verbal.

I am in the school's dance club but I am not one of the star performers. It's like I am a plain jane- no talents whatsoever.

Lastly, since I had switched to a new school, I can't seem to adapt to my new circle of friends because I have difficulty relating to them. All they do the entire day is gossip or talk about boyfriends( I don't have one btw bcoz I have yet to find someone that I am passionate abt) or fantasize their fairytale marriages. I would rather sit in a corner and read my storybooks. However, I try my best to be with them by partaking in their frivolous conversations.

I want to apply to US colleges but my aunt thinks I am too lousy for it because of my school grades. I am trying my best to work hard for it but it's tiring. Studying in asia is different from studying in the US! I have no time at all and the syllabus is much tougher. Even though I am in highschool, I am studying US college algrebra and chemistry. For english, I have to write essays on issues such as human rights, crime and punishment, and various world issues. Although I am chinese, I can't score well in mandarin because I speak cantonese at home( that's what I think). The sounds are different and the words are difficult. However, my parents seem to think that since I am a cantonese, mandarin would be easy for me.

I don't know what to do with my life! I prayed to God and sometimes, I ask him why did he create me this way? why did he give others brains and not me? I wish I am motivated liek michael phelps.

Answer 1

Your father is wrong to diss you like that.  Stop listening to him.

Your height doesn't matter - look up Mother Theresa - she was short but she became a worldwide powerful force for good.

And you might not have blossomed yet - you're only eleven.

Hang in there, things will get better.

Answer 2

I think in America you would be an overachiever. You are the only one that can decide what is best for you.  I you have the passion to go into design, then find what you can to feed that passion. Classes, volunteering your time so you are in the middle of it all, ask questions, study about it. You present yourself as educated, and it's not necessary to exceed in all subjects to become successful. Follow the dreams you create for yourself, not what others think is best.  As far a fitting in with new people, just be yourself and you'll find that they will be drawn to you.  Good luck!