I can't help but feel unwanted.?

Question

My boyfriend and I've been together for close to 6 years. We have our up and downs, but, who doesn't.

Well, majority of my friends lately have been getting engaged, married and/or having babies. Before my friends did, we started talking about it. But the second our friends actually did it, my boyfriend doesn't seem interested anymore. Today 2 more of my friends got engaged, and I feel so unwanted. We've been together the longest and I think if anyone, it should be us doing it.

I've talked to him about this 2 months ago, but like I said, he isn't interested in the marriage thing any more. So, I've dropped it. I'm just keeping it bottled up inside. And it is killing me. I want to move on.

When I talked to him about it, he said that there wasn't any rush. Now, I don't want to rush into anything either. Whenever he would ask, it would be 3 years until we actually said our 'I do's' anyway. I would want it to be perfect.

But the fact that he doesn't care much about it hurts. I never wanted to get married before, and he talked me into it. And now it's like it's history.

I just feel...upset by this.

How long were you guys together before you said your 'I do's"? (Or your parents, friends, etc)

Answer 1

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years also, and I don't have a ring on my finger either. However I do know he wants to be with me. He is just not ready for that "BIG STEP" yet. So because I love him i'll wait until he is ready but I know its coming!!!!

So my advice to you is just be patient. Good things come to those who wait. You know he loves you and wants to be with you. Otherwise he wouldn't have dedicated 6 years of his life to you.

Answer 2

tell him you really love him and want to marry him but if he doesnt want to you may as well get on with your life and move on...give him thechoice..

Answer 3

I met him St Pattys Day..we married six months later. And we lived in different states. been together 22 years now...and get this..I

m the 4th wife.

If you want to move on, do it..

What will marriage change?

Answer 4

A man who really loved you would never do anything to hurt you or make you feel bad.   Dump him to the curb -QUICK.   You deserve better than this man.   The right one will come along, just be happy with you and the rest will fall in place.  

Answer 5

Honey, I completely understand you.  I'm in such a similar situation and it's frustrating me.  I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years.   However, there is one major difference between me and you.  My boyfriend still wants to get married and acknowledges that often.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem interested and 6 years is a long time. In fact, I'm giving my boyfriend to our 5 anniversary to propose.  If he doesn't, I'm walking.  Five years is too long to be in a relationship.

I would talk to him.  Let him know that 6 years is a long time and that you feel his attitude towards marriage isn't something you like.  If he's not interested in marrying you, then why are you still around.  Leave!!!  Or, at least talk to him about it.  But, it doesn't sound like he's interested and that's NOT fair to you.

Hang in there.  It's tough.  I hope it works out for the best.  

Answer 6

I totally understand. My bf and I just had our 4 year anniversary a few weeks ago and still no ring :( I know that he wants to marry me but needs to meet some personal goals first. One of those is now met so hopefully soon. I wouldn't even care about haivng a longer engagement like two years since it would mean that we are one step closer to being married.

As for your situation, I don't know why he has turned cold on the subject. Maybe seeing your friends doing it has freaked him out for some reason. Or maybe your wanting it to be perfect and needing three years to do it has turned him off. Of course, he might be doing it to throw you off about asking you really soon. Talk to him and make sure you guys are still on the same page and want the same thing. If you don't, you have to think long and hard about how long you are willing to wait for him to be ready. You have spent 6 years together already. He really should know by now what he wants. If he gives some bs excuse then really consider leaving him and find someone who wants the same thing you do. Good luck!

Answer 7

my husband and I were together 8 months before we married.  We dated briefly a year before that and split up because he was moving away.  Whats right for me and him though isnt necessairly whats right for you and your bf however, whats right for you doesnt seemto be whats right for him either and thats a problem.  if you have interest in marriage and he doesnt then you need to sit down and talk about it.  tell him how you really feel.  honesty and communication are a huge part of married life and if you cant do it now, you'll never survive.

Answer 8

Guys are weird. I have been with my fiance for 8 years and just this summer he popped the question. The only difference is we have children involved. We had our first young and we really never talked about marriage. He did have some growing up to do as did I but come on now. With a kid it's time to step up your game. I was ready deep down inside but I never really knew if he truly was. I never brought it up massively though, only in small conversations and he just always said maybe later or we'll talk about it later. Years later we had our second and by that time I was like, OMG. We could live together all these years and have children together but marriage was never brought up by him. I would ask people what should I do and some would smile and say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Uggggh, I hate that saying! Well i finally opened my mouth and asked him what were we doing? I know the way the world works and we are not the only ones that were in that situation, but I was not worried about everyone else just us. Well, we got financially stable and also stable relationship wise and we bought a house. He surprised me with a birthday party with friends and family, then he popped the question out of the blue. He had everything planned out. Okay so I'm telling more info than usual but to make this long story make sense, I was ready but it took him longer for him to be ready. He wanted everything to be perfect and set. We do and will always do everything on our own, so he just wanted to have everything perfect for us. Now I set the date for over a year from now. When those same people whom I asked for advise before ask me why the wedding is so far away now, I don't tell them the real reason is so I can plan it... I simply reply, " I don't know......I keep thinking why buy the pig when I can just get the sausage for free?"  then I just walk away.

Answer 9

Tell that knucklehead boyfriend of yours to go kiss a flying t**d after you kick him to the curb. Move on with your life because when God may one he didn't stop there...

Answer 10

Sorry, but it's time to move on.... there's no point in waiting if he doesn't want what you do - you are then just not a match for marriage.

Usually a mature couple would talk about marriage after at least two years of dating seriously.

I knew my husband a year, then we dated for two years before we got married. I was 28.

Answer 11

If you live together why should he want to marry you.  He already has you doing all the wifely things without having that piece of paper.  You need to decide if just living with him is enough.  If not then move out because he may never ask you because you already act like his wife.  Check your state laws for common law marriage. After you live together for a certain amt. of time you are considered married.  My dh asked me to marry him and 2 weeks later we walked down the aisle.

Answer 12

I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and 9 months before he proposed.  I knew it was coming because we were kind of at the right time in our relationship and lives, and I just 'knew' he was ready to do it.  He proposed in April, we celebrated 4 years together in July and will be exchanging vows in November 2009.

From reading your details, it almost sounds as if your boyfriend isn't necessarily disinterested in marriage, but just weddings.  I know my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with hearing about friends and acquaintances engagement or wedding planning.  He likes to attend the wedding, but guys just don't have long attention spans for a year of hearing about wedding planning, etc.  Maybe all of these engagements and weddings surrounding you is just turning him off of the whole process, but not the idea of spending his life committed to you.

And then your whole idea to take 3 years to plan your "perfect" wedding, that's probably not helping.  The last thing a man wants, even one that wants to get married, is talk about/be involved in planning a wedding for the next three years.  Especially one that has to be "perfect".

Maybe talk to him again, but talk about the MARRIAGE you want with him.  Skip the talk about planning your wedding, or friends' engagements or weddings.  Maybe you'll get a little more positive response.

PS: My word of advice from growing up in the wedding industry; please don't set your sights on a "perfect" wedding.  It doesn't exist and you will drive yourself crazy trying to achieve it.  A perfect wedding doesn't equal a perfect marriage.

Answer 13

If after six years he hasn't proposed, he likely never will.

I would talk to him once more, and if he doesn't seem favorable, move on. He may feel it's too soon for a wedding, but it's past due for an engagement.

My mister and I got engaged after a 1.5 years of dating. At that time we had known each other four years, and been best friends three. We decided on a two year engagement, and now only have a year of that time left.  

Answer 14

It is important for both of you to stand on the same page, if not, your dreams won´t be his. Because you´ve been together for so long you should be able to talk about this things with no problem, something tells me you might have some communication issues going on, not big ones but some. You don´t deserve and shouldnt pile up with sad feelings of disappointment over what he´s causing to you. He should know about it, and talk about it openly and honestly.´If I´m wrong about the communication thing, then just tell him you need to talk with him about marriage because it is important that you either both want it or not. But it is not fair, healthy and stable for you both to have different feelings about it. At least you need to accept the fact that you both feel different about it. Accepting that will make it easier to find a solution.

First ask him why he doesn´t want to get married or lost interest. Ask him to be straight forward and honest. You give your points of why you do! Then you can join all your thoughts into one page and see what you can do about it.

But I will say something, although I suspect your bf will come around soon, is that if you don´t share the same feelings about marriage truth is relationship won´t work right and you´ll have to make big decisions.