I can't seem to forgive my friend, help!?

Question

So when I was in 8th grade, our class took a camping trip. The first night everyone decided to go to sleep early xcept for four girls, one of them being my best friend. I was trying to go to sleep but they were being noisy and talking loud. All of a sudden my 'best friend' says what do you guys think of Naima. Nobody else said anything, so she started talking c**p about me to 3 girls that she hated. I felt like getting out of bed and punching her in the face, but instead I never confronted her. I've asked her if she's ever talked bad about me, and she says that I'm her best friend, that she would never do that, that I'm the only girl she would never talk bad about! and now even though it's been a couple of years I can't seem to let it go. What would you have done in my place? Should I finnaly tell her? Any advice.

It might seem stupid, but it bothers me evreytime we hang out. I was always there for her when she was sick, and when all the girls turned on her and I was the only one that would sit with her in lunch, and she talked bad about me...

Answer 1

i had a same situation in 6th grade this girl seemed like my best friend and then i found she was talking c**p bhind my back she wants me 2 forgive her but wat she said really hurt. maybe u guys should talk about it if she denies it i.m. for more advice

Answer 2

well first of all u should have said something then and there,now after 3 years,lots of things have happened and maybe u standing by her changed her and she really means it when she says she wouldnt ever say anything bad about u.u should talk to her and tell her how u feel,dont try to cause a fight or anything,just talk to her,and see what hapens.

Answer 3

I went through this once when I was in highschool (15 years ago). I confronted my friend when I found out she had been talking c**p about me to some other girls, who had told me about it. I let her know that I felt betrayed and even suggested that maybe we should no longer be friends. She was completely embarrassed that I had found out about it and was very apologetic and seemed like she was sincerely regretful. I forgave her and we got past it. We were best friends for many years after that. It may have actually strengthened our friendship. She saw that I wasn't going to take any c**p and she respected me for that. The bottom line is, people make many social mistakes when they are young. And the truth is, even looking back 15 years or so, we can't even begin to understand why we did these things. It's just part of being young and immature and learning how to cope with the pressures of adolecense and the anxiety of relationships, which is all very new to us. So, my advice is confront your friend, get it out in the open. If she is truly your friend, she will feel bad and apologize. Then, it's up to you whether or not you are going to be a forgiving person. Good luck!  

Answer 4

You will never forgive her if you never confront her. . .

I'm like you though. My friend said something that really offended me & I was hurt for a long time. For months I would randomly think about it & feel bad, I even talked about it to my bf a lot.

A year later I finally brought it up to her, not in a mean/accusing way. She was able to explain herself &, most importantly, I could get it off my chest. Since then I haven't thought about it.

Good intro:

First I said, 'I know this isn't a big deal, I'm just over reacting & it's silly to bring it up since it happened so long ago. I just want to get it off my chest. ...' then I said what bothered me

This is good because it prepared her for something coming. Bringing stuff up out of the blue can make people feel attacked & get defensive so they don't really listen.

People talk poorly about others because they are trying to look 'cool' or impress others. For some reason ppl think being hateful instead of loving makes them look cooler, like they're better than you are something.

You should go up to her & say, "Remember that camping trip a while ago? Well, I had a hard time falling asleep & heard you & the other girls talking. I heard you say some things that really hurt my feelings, but I don't know if you meant it or not. Do you really think that.....(whatever bad things she said). It made me feel like we weren't as close as I thought we were. I still really like you & have fun hanging out with you, just sometimes when we hang out those memories come back & it makes me nervous."

Go into this conversation trying to have a ***discussion, not an argument. Try to sound really calm, don't raise your voice or sound angry/emotional. Try really hard to talk about your feelings and to not insult her or call her names (you're a bad friend, you're mean...).

When you insult someone or if they feel attacked, they get defensive & just try to make excuses & deny their behavior.

Telling her you still like her makes her less defensive.

Guilt tripping is always better than acting really mad.

Have you heard of 'killing with kindness'?

Just say you felt hurt & what you heard her say in a calm manner.

Then let her respond.

It's never to late to bring something up, especially if it still bothers you.

Getting it off your chest will really help.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You should confront her about it but i agree with what you did. I would feel uncomfortable around her if she did that.

Answer 6

d**n dats cold u should confront her even though its been years since diz has happened

Answer 7

She was probably trying to get those girls to like her.  I think you should have or actually should confront her.  Ask her why did she do that and tell her it really hurt your feelings and made you kinda angry.  And I think until you confront her it'll keep bothering you everytime you hang out with her.  So tell her and get it off your chest.  But if she was really a true friend, she wouldn't be lying to you.  Hope things work out between you two.  :)

Answer 8

Well doesn't sound like much of a friend if she lies and talks behind your back.  I would confront her with it and see what happens.  

Answer 9

what you should have done was said something right then and there and not waited this long, but if it bothers you that much then you should say something to her, the next time you hang out, don't throw it in her face that that your suppose to be her bestfriend or how you have always been there for her tell her listen there is something i need to say to you that has been bothering me for along time now and if you value are friendship you will be honest and tell me the truth, ask her why did you talk  bad about me that night at camp if she says no i didn't, what are you talking about and resite to her what you heard, then tell her okay i just needed to hear it from you, your excused.