I can't stand my moms boyfriend what should i do?

Question

ok here my question how do i deal with my moms annoying rude boyfriend. i am 26 with a 2 year old.

i can't take it anymore i hate even visiting there. if not for the fact i have my little sister there i would totaly cut my mom out of my life.

her boyfriend has insulted so many people that is contacteed to my mom that noone wants to visit there.

he makes sexual jokes/comments in front of my 8 year sister

calls my son names

is always making comments about how my mom always has my son . which isn't true i live to far for her to have him alot which is ok by me

he answer for my mom oh heaven forbid any of us kids ask her something. he cuts me off when my mom and i are in a converstion.

i think what finally did it for me was when i was visiting with my boyfriend and my little sister and us where outside and my mom was against the side of her van and her boyfriend and her where kissing he starts like humping her in front of us and it was gross and uncoftable

he will also say stuff about their s*x life to e which i have repeatly have asked him not to tel me i dont want to know any of that stuff

he wont even let her have a night to be with just family he is always there

when i have tried to talk to him to let him know that what he is doing is bothering us he says i am starting trouble then has my mom beliveing that i am trying to break them up. he has told me to drop dead because i have told him not to talk about sexual stuff in front of my 2 year old.

i really don't want my mom to be alone i want herto be happy she deserves to be . but i am so worried that this guy is a controing jelouse freak and that my mom is gonna end up hurt.

my little sister has been spending weeks at my house thi s summer she tells me she wishes she could live with me but that she would miss my mom but that i pay her attion that my mom dosn't do anymore i am so torn between trying to help my little sister and not over stepping my rights as just a older sister. i just don't know what to do anymore i have my own issues in my life that this is taking a toll on me

i am sorry this is so long please bare with me. thank you for any advice or imput that any of you might be able to share with me i really have noone to turn too for advice

Answer 1

You and your sister need to sit down with your mom and talk to her. Tell her everything, I mean everything that you've typed up there. She'll listen. And especially inform her about the situation with your 2 year old. If she insists on keeping this guy around, then that's her choice, but don't cut off relations with your mother. Make sure you at least call her or something.

Answer 2

always one option is to not go over to your moms house but you want to see your lil sister and your mom so why not suggest meeting for lunch for "just the girls" and make sure werever you go you just make it clear that you just want it to be you guys without hurting your mom by saying something about her boyfriend. or you could be more assertive and just explain to your mom that you cant be over there because it is not o.k. with you because of your 2 year old and just be honest with her

good luck!

hope it helps!

Answer 3

You and your mom are adults, and you both make your own choices. You can't change that mom is with a man you don't like. If he annoys you I would suggest that you stay away from their house. Call Mom and tell her you love her, but you feel that this guy is not a good person to be around. If he's as bad as you say, Mom will see the light. Why do you want her to be alone? Maybe she enjoys the company.Make a place for your little sister when she wants to come over, but let mom live her own life. Obviously you are a very caring person!  

Have you ever heard that the more a mom hounds a kid about the guy she's dating, the more the kid wants that guy?  So parents have learned that the less said the better. Maybe that works for the reverse too. Maybe grown kids need to just sit back and see what happens, as long as Mom is not being hurt.  

Answer 4

If I were you I certainly would not want to have hime doing any of those things in front of my sistere , kids , or me . I would sit my Mom down and haave a heart to heart even if you have to lock the door or whatever it takes to be alone with her . Tell her all the thhings you have said here especially the parts about wanting her to be happy . Then ask her if she has noticed a lack of people ( friends and family ) coming by like they used to do ? Listne to her answer and give some examples if you need to because love is so blind that sometimes it is hard to see the trees because of the forest .

In other words , put it to her bluntly so that she will know that you love her , but you have your little sister and your own family to take care of too, so either lose the jerk or lose the privilege of seeing her grandkids or most of the family and friends . See how that strikes her .

Be firm and gentle too , because this is your mother , but in the same vein tell her that you mean what you say and you do not want your family around him in any way .

Answer 5

my best friend went through the same kinda thing with her mom and it the relationship lasted on and off for like at least 9-10 months. if your mom is smart hopefully it'll play out, the infatuation will fade and she'll see whats really going on. But i honestly think yuo should talk to her and express you're concern for his behaviour. tell her how uncomfortable it makes you that you're little sister isn't comfortable living there and doesn't feel like she has her mom anymore but doesn't want to say anything cause she wants you to be happy. Tell her if she thinks it's okay for him to say the things he says and ask her if she really wants her 8 year old daughter knowing things about her s*x life and s*x in general or talking like he talks (like picking up on his language). Tell her you want her to be happy and that yes she is entitled to her own life and happiness but ask her if it's worth the expence of her family's comfortablility being around him and her at the moment. You may be her daughter but you're still an adult and famalies look out for eachother so you have every right to express how you feel. just don't attack her wtih it, base it all on your feelings and your concerns. good luck, it's a tough situation to be in.