I can't stop blaming myself for a mistake i made as a young teen. How do i forgive myself and look ahead?

Question

This might seem very awkward to u all but being a Muslim girl, we're really not allowed to go out and date guys cus then when it is the time to get married, guys dun want girls who had boyfriends in the past. However, a guy can have a gf and then move on and have a good future too...I know its hypocritical but that's the way it is.

My story is that when i was 14, a guy wanted to go out with me. Nice and sweet guy. REALLY nice. so nice i fell in love. we talked on the phone and stuff, went in the same school. he was 2 yrs senior. we became best friends too, and i never told my parents cus then they wud b mad at me....so 2 yrs later, they found out. i felt so guilty for hurting them...even through out the relationship i felt guilty but some way i tried not to think of it. my parents believed in me and i shattered it all. :(

and then they told me not to talk to him. and m trying to get over him. he says he loves me and he will come to me someday wen he's done studying. but hedoesn'tt seem right. i feel like i made a mistake. i was too dumb then. how can i be with some1 for the rest of my life whom i accepted as a young teen? u see in my society girls r not supposed to b commited to a guy UNLESS hes the husband...but we can date when we r old enough too, like in college.

i jus feel like that mistake to be with the guy is gonna affect me till im all grown up. some guy might not even wanna be with me, knowing my history. he'll think m some kinda ****...but m not. m a good person but i jus dun want my parents to feel ashamed cs of me.

im about to b 18 now and i wish life was easier and i cud move on. but i dunno how...i want composure....m in search of it...but i cant find it...:(

all this is affecting my studies too...and it makes me shout while i cry in my room at nights...:(

Answer 1

"...However, a guy can have a gf and then move on and have a good future too...I know its hypocritical but that's the way it is..."

First of all you do not have any right to blame Islam, if you do not know it. Please be carefull in future and do not throw mud on any religion of the world, unless u know its teachings.

Secondly, why are you Muslim if it seems hyporitical to you. Did anybody forced you to be committed to Islam?

Thirdly, would you like a husband who had 2-3 girlfriends in past? If no, then your future has the right to think the same.

Now, i would advise you forget about what has happened. You can not go to past and correct it. Just look forward to your future with a high morale. And your parents will be proud of you one day.

Answer 2

You haven't done anything wrong. You can look yourself in the mirror and see a very strong person, that will do what is right with the rest of her life. Be proud of yourself, and your parents will also be proud of you. Any man that meets you will be happy to have you, so don't think about the actions of a young girl anymore, but think about what an adult woman will do.

Answer 3

Just forget it......the most important thing is the lesson you got.......move on.

Answer 4

you have moved on from your puppy love and you should feel good about that. as for your future husband, please tell him the truth - that you did have a sexless puppy love incident when you were a kid and that you have grown out of that - and the truth will weed out the characters that you would not have wanted to marry anyway. it will separate the men from the boys. you are blessed with an acid test for finding a good man to marry.  

Answer 5

Yeah Babygirl, lighten up on yourself.  The thing about the past, is that it is just that, "the past", that is why we are given new days constantly.  I am sure your parents, deep down inside, while disappointed, they know this in all is a large part of growing up.  You will let people down and people will let you down, you have to hold up you.  Pray on it and it shall be taken care of, talk to your parents and I am sure it is just you "thinking" too much.   God Bless.

Answer 6

What you are feeling is normal, Muslim or not. Everything seems worse at your age, I would know I was the same. Its human to make mistakes, but dwelling on it isn't going to change anything, it will just make the emotional lugage heavier.

You must really love your parents to feel that guilty for what you had done, so give yourself a little more credit. You have your whole life ahead of you and to think no one will like you because of what happened is a load of nonsense.

Thank your parents for what they have done for you, form changing your stinky nappy at birth and tell them your happy memories. I told mine and they seemed so happy and proud. Its nice to know a lifes work raising a child is appreciated. I have a little one and another one on the way and I learned how hard it is. But I think you should talk to them, you never know it may just make things alot better and clear your head. You cant go out into the world with so much emotional baggage.  

Answer 7

The past only haunts us if we let it. I have a simple rule in life and that is "don't worry about things you can not change"

The past has happened and to be honest it really does not sound bad at all. In fact it sounds like any normal teenage girl and is all part of growing and learning. From now on why not try a different approach to life ... When you wake in the morning think about the wonderful opportunities the world has waiting for you and when you go to bed at night dream of making those opportunities happen!  

Answer 8

you need not feel that bad..ok...since you only talked..and did not sleep with him...nothing  big happened ..nothing wrong.

Answer 9

Just move on to the future. Forget about your boyfriend and when the time comes god will give you the decision of what to do. Just pray and pray and god will give what you want. To make your parents proud, study really hard and get the perfect job that they want you to have. Hope this helped. Gd Luck...