I can't stop feeling like I'm forgetting my dad?

Question

My dad passed away early this month, but I don't know how to deal with it. I find myself constantly thinking that I'm going to forget my dad. I cant do anything "fun" and not have that he passed away in my head. You know? My biggest fear is that I wont remember him and I dont want that. I don't knwo how to put it--but I also keep remembering things that he asked me to do and I didn't do them...I don't know. ..

Answer 1

my father passed away when i was 12. I know exactly how you are feeling. you need to keep yourself busy so you do not have so much idle time. i have a hard time remembering my dad because i blocked it away so i would not have to deal with the feelings i dont want relive the pain that almost killed me. i recommend talking to a therapist it did wonders for me. sorry for your loss. (hugs)

Answer 2

My father passed away when I was 11 - I am now 41.  I have never forgotten him.  I still go to Fort Sam Cemetery and visit him.  When things get tough in my life I talk to him and ask for guidance and I get it believe me.  He will always be with you in your heart. Please don't worry you won't forget.

It will get easier I promise.  I am so very sorry for you loss.

Try not to feel guilty about not doing things he asked you to do.  Your father loved you no matter what and I am sure that he knew you loved him. You know what helped me is my dad gave me a teddy bear for my 8th birthday, I still have that bear.  It's hair is all flat and it looks sad but whenever it gets really bad I get my bear and cuddle up in bed and just cry.  Before I know it I feel better.  Find something that your dad gave you and keep it forever.

I promise you it will get easier, it is just going to take some time.  Don't feel guilty if you have a good day, that's what your dad would want for you.  He wants you to get on with your life and enjoy it.

Best of luck to you

Answer 3

I lost my dad about a year and a half ago.  I guess I'm about double your age, but anyway, it's not easy and yes, you forget somethings, but other things stick right with you.  It does get better, but I still miss him, everyday.  And remember the things I should have done...but you know, we had a good relationship and my father loved me, so I know all that stuff wasn't what was important.  I'm guessing this is the same thing for you.

Try talking with your family about your dad.  You could put together a scrap book or a slide show or whatever about his life, or your life with him, to help remember him by.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to get the things done that he asked you to do! if it were me i would get a tattoo of something that reminds you of dear old dad. something that is special to you and him. so every time you look at it you remember him or those special times that you two shared together. But make sure it is something that you would want to have for the rest of your life and make it something that no one else has. be creative and may God be with you!

Answer 5

he is your dad you wil NEVER forget him , you will se him in everything you do , the little things , a meal he used to make you , his favorite place etc etc

just look in the mirror and you will see him.

Answer 6

First, nobody forgets their father. Personally, there have been times when I've wished that I could forget mine and the things he did, but it's just not possible.

It's natural for you to worry that you're going to not remember him as well as you should. I think everyone who loses someone they love has that feeling. But trust yourself on this one: you will remember him just as well as you need to remember him. Your memories will not be the same as anyone else's, but what you will remember will be the most important things he did for you. If you're really lucky, those will all be very positive, happy memories. But since you and your dad are only human, you may well remember some silly, stupid and painful things too. It's OK to do so. Just try to keep in mind that the dad you remember will be your dad, not the man your mother or anyone else knew.

It's also normal for you to feel guilty about the idea of having fun or, if you do something enjoyable, for memories of your loss to keep surfacing. For me, the best way of dealing with those thoughts is to pause for a moment, acknowledge that it's a very sad thought, then try to return to the present. The number of times these thoughts intrude should decrease in time. My late wife died nearly two years ago now, and there's still not been a day when I haven't thought about her often. But she was a huge part of my life, just like your father was a major part of yours, so that's not at all surprising, is it?

In fact, I think you would have grounds for being seriously concerned about how you were coping if you had managed to not think about your loss at all so soon after the event. That would suggest to me that the pain was being repressed rather than dealt with in a healthy way.

It's also normal to feel a bit of guilt about not having done and said things to people we love before they left us. But there's really nothing - other than the very negative thing of feeling guilty - that we can do about that.

If you believe that your father, like a light bulb that's been switched off, simply went to sleep and ceased to function, then it seems to me there's really nothing positive to be gained by worrying about things your failed to do for your father.

If you believe that he has gone on to another form of life, then it seems to me sensible to assume that he now understands you and the relationship you and he had far better than he did when he was with you. If so, then it makes sense to me to assume that he will not be worried about how you failed him, either in big or small ways, because he will understand why you acted as you did, perhaps far better than your own understanding of your behaviour. And if you accept all that, then it seems to me pretty silly for you to feel guilty about something that won't be bothering him anymore!

It is normal to find the grieving process confusing. It might seem sometimes that you're getting over it, then suddenly something happens and you're back in the dark depths again.

Nobody can tell you how you will grieve for your father. There is no right or wrong way for you to feel about your loss. Nobody has any right to tell you what you should or should not feel. Nobody has any right to tell you how long you should grieve. There are widely recognised stages of grief, but nobody can tell you the order you will deal with them, how long each phase will last or how difficult each stage will be.

The only advice I can give you is that you try to be easy on yourself. You will deal with this loss as you need to deal with this loss. That's all that any of us can do. Try to be patient with yourself, honour the memory of your father and focus on remembering the good things you shared. As a father myself, I'm sure that you will have given him joy and I hope you are able to see the positive influences he had on your life.

It's easy for me to say, but give it time and believe enough in yourself to know that you won't forget your father.