I can't stop torturing myself over a terrible decision. Why am I so stupid?

Question

If I don't get this out of my system I'm just going to explode. What's wrong with a person who does something to hurt someone that they really care about, out of stupidity? I'm scared that there is something really wrong with me.

I have loved my best friend for a long time, but he has a girlfriend now and he's in love with her, and he thinks of me as a best friend. A long time ago, I had a chance to get in a long distance relationship with him and I didn't take it and I'm scared that my chances with him are ruined.

My best friend and I live in different countries, and I met him when I studied abroad in his country. Two years ago, I returned to his country to visit, and I fell for him, and he fell for me. He asked if we could have a long distance relationship. I really loved him, but I was planning on returning to his country for good, but I just didn't know when. I was scared that a long distance relationship would ruin the chance of a real relationship, and I decided to wait.

I returned to the US but we talked on Messenger every night for a long time, and then for a long time I was without a computer and I didn't hear from him for several months. Then last fall I got on Messenger again and I found out that he has a girlfriend down there. My heart broke in a million pieces. I asked him if we could ever be together in the future, and he said that "I would have liked to share my life with you, but now I have another gf. This is the decision I had to make... I don't know if I'm going to spend my life with her... but you can't go back in time... in spite of that I love her more, I haven't forgotten you." He also says that when we were going to school together he wanted me for his girlfriend, but didn't tell me because he was afraid of ruining the budding friendship. He says he is to blame but I know he is saying that because he doesn't want me to suffer.

I'm scared to death that there is something wrong with me because I have such terrible judgement. At the time I made my terrible decision I didn't realize that I was breaking his heart. I don't know what's wrong with me, if I'm just crazy or just a moron, but it's torturing me.

I feel sure in my heart that I can't love anyone else as much as I love him. Even if there were somebody else, I have something inherently wrong with me and I'm scared I would ruin it with them. I don't know what's wrong with my judgement but I make these terrible mistakes and don't realize it until years later.

Furthermore, even if there were someone else... I'm not trying to be mean but I'm attracted to latinos for some reason. I don't know when, or if, I'll ever have another opportunity to study abroad in mexico again... and even before I met him (he's mexican btw) I had my heart set on a latino guy, because the culture is so magical for me.

I keep wondering what would have happened if I had done things differently. I think about my friend all the time and he still cares about me a lot as a best friend. No one could ever be as special to me as him.

What's wrong with me? Why am I such a moron? Is there any hope of another chance with him or am I destined to be single forever?

Answer 1

Oh, man. This is seriously a love story for the movies!

Well, it sounds like you guys definitely had something real there.

But it does sound like he has moved on and even stated he loves her more. Which is like twisting the knife.

Do you feel that when he says it, he says it to hurt you or to get a reaction out of you and doesn't really mean it? Or do you feel he's being genuine and is really in love with her?

If you feel it's the former, then try reaching out to him again.  

Answer 2

*-* estrellitas para ti...

lo siento, no `puedo traducir el texto...

¡suerte...!

Answer 3

Awhhh you are not stupid or a moron.

You aren't destined to be single forever.

Maybe he just wasn't the one for you.

Maybe he will come back to you.

Who knows?

We always can look back and analyze the situation.

:)

If it's meant to be it will be.

Answer 4

Gosh this is like a soap opera! First, thank you for finding the latino culture so magical, as a latina myself I thank you.

Second.. it is so romantic in a tortured way I sighed my way through it. I think you have nothing else to do but wait. Wait until you can move to mexico if you decide you want, wait to see if this woman is going to be the woman of his life, wait to see if maybe in the future if things dont work out with her then maybe you guys have a chance.

What are your plans for the future? Do you want to move to Mexico because you love the country? or because he is in it? No matter how much you love him leaving your country land for a man that's with another woman (regardless of how good friends you are) sounds like a bad idea. But if you are determined to eventually move there (with or without him in the equation) then hurry up and move! Maybe things wont work out and you guys will end up together. Just make sure you are moving for the right reasons.

I know it seems know that you will never love someone as much as you love him, but have faith in the depth of your heart. Love happens more than once in life. More than with one person. We have an amazing capability to heal and love and love again. It wont be the same than with him, it will be different and can even be better.  If you are attracted to Latinos then how do you know you wont fall for one that leaves right here in the US? We are everywhere! Lol, so  maybe, just maybe if you open your heart a little, you will fall inlove here, with someone that is closeby.  

Good Luck

Answer 5

Don't be so hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. You may have missed out before but you're still friends. You two are best friends and you both care about each other. Maybe not the same way as before but he definitely doesn't think you're a moron or anything. Even if you think you'll never love anyone the same again you never know what could happen. Just think of it this way. There's someone out there for everyone and if this guy was never meant to be more than a friend then that means your real true love is still out there waiting! We all have those times where we think we missed a calling but it's never too late to find true love. You're destined to go through unbearable heartbreaks but eventually you'll find him. You'll be fine.

Answer 6

I thought that mexico had more than one person in the country.  If you are so set on a latino man, there are a million in this country, some legal and most illegal. You sound like you want to beat yourself up, for no reason. If this is the man for you, then I'm sure it will come about.  

Answer 7

You didn't make a stupid decision and you won't single forever.  You're just going thru some heartache and yes it will hurt for a while but I guarantee you'll get over it.

And FYI, had you made a different decision to begin with, I doubt it would have lasted - long distance relationships rarely do