I can't take it anymore?

Question

I've always homeschooled my sons, 9 & 11. I am at the point where I can't take it anymore and wish I could just send them to public school so they would be away from me for many hours in the day. Every day, all I get is moans and groans and whining and bit*hing whenever I ask them to do ANYTHING. It's driving me insane! They don't want to do this, they don't know why they have to do that. They'll never use geography, for example, in real life. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. Especially my youngest is never willing to admit his mistakes. All he does is blame me. I'm at my whits end. I don't know what to do anymore. Not only do I have to try to teach them during the day, we take karate 2x a week and I have to teach them the forms and moves we learn during after hours at home. I'm sick of constantly being their teacher. When can I have some fun with them? When can I just be their mom. I'm so frustrated and angry and upset....please, give me some advice!

Answer 1

I would sit down with each one individually and have a talk with them.  If the behavior doesn't improve, send them to public school for at least one year and then decide if you still want to home school them.

Answer 2

This is a behavior problem that will not go away if you send them to a pubic school. Whining and blaming are dangerous habits. This is a parenting issue and not an educational issue. You are so lucky you homeschool because you have spotted this habit sooner rather than later. Imagine what will happen in their marriages and professional lives if this continues. You must set the example and focus on building your boys into happy, courteous young men. You are already dealing with this problem by recognizing it. My advice is not to stop karate class, but to let them work on it on their own two or three times a week for 30 min only. Perfection is not the point in martial arts for children. You can let go of that burden. You have enough to contend with. I also recommend that you take summer break now. Use it as a tactical retreat. You are a general and you need to regroup your troops and boost moral for you all. Focus on the joys of motherhood. Watch them play. Work on fun projects, make messes and take naps. The rest can be dealt with later.

Answer 3

Try to get a copy of the book Homeschooling For Excellence by David and Micky Colfax.  If you can't get it at your library, you can get a used copy online.  They talk about your experience, in the Q and A section.  Their take on this situation is that you are probably taking yourself too seriously.  They advise backing off, giving your kids and yourself a break, and letting them follow their own interests for a while.

You sound like a very responsible parent.  Add some fun into the mix.  

Be well.

Answer 4

Why don't you want to put them in a public school?

Is it possible that things have changed since the last time you looked at a public school?

Where is their other parent in all this?

Answer 5

This sounds more like a parenting problem than a homeschooling one.  

Have you considered unschooling?  If you and your kids weren't having such a struggle over control, then maybe you could enjoy each other's company and learn in peace.

I guess I wonder why they HAVE to do these things you mention.  Not that I think learning is all about what it can be used for in the future.  There is definitely joy in learning just for the sake of learning and opening your mind to new ideas.

People tend to really learn much better when it is of their own volition and trying to force it doesn't make for good relationships.  You can have fun with your kids, you can treat each other with respect.  You just need to have faith in them and yourself.

It seems like you need to change your family dynamics.  It's a tough thing to do, but could be so worth it in the long run.  

Good luck :D

Answer 6

How about sharing the responsibility ?  It doesn't have to be a choice between public school and home school.  Try choice three !  They stay at home with you, but attend a free on-line public school over the internet.  These are actual public schools.  Your child would have actual teachers to work with him or her.  The teachers are there to take the "blame" for the homework that is assigned.  The computer often assigns work in the form of educational games that have different levels that they have to beat, which makes learning more fun, and less tedious.  The games also make learning more independent.  The games do the teaching, and they just practice until they can beat the level.  When they get tired of not beating the level, they come ask you for advice on how to get to the next level, and appreciate your assistance instead of resenting it.  Many on-line public schools even provide the computers for free, and pay for the internet.  My daughter and her friends go to Ecot which is one example, but many states have an on-line public school.  If you don't know how to find one in your state, you can contact the state board of education.  This sounds like an option that would make you happy.

Answer 7

As much as it sounds like a homeschooling problem, I've learned from my own homeschooling problems that it really boils down to a parenting problem on my part.

So, when things like this blow up, I turn to trusted or new resources to refresh myself (Faber and Mazlish, Positive Discipline, Parent Effectiveness Training, etc.). I take some time to figure out how to make things better, how to change myself (this is huge!). Often, things blow up when my expectations aren't meeting up with their needs. This sounds a bit like what might be happening with what you are doing. You want one thing; they want something else. What usually helps us get back on track is to have a meeting about school. I hear their side of things and try to incorporate what can be incoporated. I share my side of things and what I need (that they be learning in the different areas; that I might have a particular curriculum is a want, not a need) and we try to work it out together.

When I perceive that things are falling apart due to my lack of setting limits and routines, I'll set up some limits and routines.

As for the getting to have fun with them... My first thought is change what you are doing. When I find I'm not having fun with my kids anymore, I change what we're doing so we can have fun together. Maybe it's a collective project. Maybe it's a field trip. Maybe it's dropping school for a few days and just baking or going for walks. Depends.

I also find that the hardest times, the times I feel like how you are expressing, are when I'm tired, burned out or hormonal. I try to keep a daily journal and it helps most during these times because it all comes out and I see just how affected I am by whatever else is going on. That's when I try to be more gentle on myself AND the kids (kids are super interpreters--if we're stressed, tired, hormonal, etc., they pick up on it and mirror it in some way!)

Sorry, this was long, hope it helps!

Answer 8

Good Vent. Sounds like you could use a vacation...all of you. A real honest to goodness vacation. A week or two away from home and just doing something for fun, and not for learning value. It isn't going to hurt you...nor is it going to stunt your kids learning. They will continue to learn...and may be more willing to after a real break.

As for the karate thing...maybe you can give it a break for a couple of months, for sanity reasons. Sometimes things just get to be overwhelming and we all need to make some changes.

I hope you can figure out what is best for you and your family.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

you shouldnt give up. join your local 4-H club cuz its perfect for thier ages. and its so fun.

also, do fun stuff like hiking and then teach them about the stuff they see while thier on the hike.

take them to historic houses and museums.

Answer 10

What you need to od is erease the little line you drew in your mind and theirs that seperates fun and school. There is no reason why you can't have fun with them and be their mom WHILE being there teacher. It is very likely that your daily schedule is just too structured and you need more flexability and more unique activities. For example, if the kids don't like Geography, print up a map of down town or of a nearby park, anywhere big or that they've never been to. Go there the night before while they're in karate or smething and tie flags or hide little "treasures" or "clues" around the place if you can. If you do this down town, ask shop and resteraunt owners if they'd play along and let you hide a flag in their facility for the day. The next day take them to the center of wherever yyou hid the objects and give them the map. Tell them we're going to use our map reading skills to figure out where we are (take them there blindfolded or have them close their eyes the whole way there) and find some treasure/flags/clues to get us to (wherever. Home, the library, mcdonalds, the ice-cream shop, whatever). This is a fun, hands on activity to reinforce things learned in geography, and while you do it you can stress that map reading skills and knowing your directions and different land masses and such is important when you're in a new place. Talk about how if they traveled to a new country, they'd need to have some understanding of geography to get around, etc. And don't make tings like this a once-in-a-blue-moon treat. It isn't a treat. It's fun, but it is also school. There are a lot of similar things you can do in your communities and in your own home that are more engaging than sit-down book work. You should still do some book work, but you don't HAVE to do as much as long as you keep records of the hands-on things you do. A curriculum change might be a good idea as well. Perhaps one that provides more opportunity for less structured activity, but with a little creativity you should be able to make this work with any program. Just be creative and plan educational activities the way you would plan fun outings. Go on feild trips, do science experiments, play math and reading related games, have them on a puppet show to tell a shortened version of a book you just read, do role-playing games for history (dressing up like people from a certain period, using m and m's as currency and make-believe the kids have to pay eachother taxes in the form of a feudal system, have the kids push some chairs or couches together and crouch between them in the dark while you read to them about what it was like to be in a bunker durring the war while playing a soundtrack of battlefeild sounds, do activities like making home made butter in little jars or baking your own bread or sewing clothes, etc) There is so much you can do to make school fun, exciting, and a chance to spend quality time together. You also might want to take some down time before starting into this. Give the kids a "long weekend" and then when tey think it's time to go back to boring book work, surprise them with a fun activity. tell them if they like it, and if they behave, we can do more fun things for school and less book work. Good luck!

Answer 11

Been there. Done that. Don't know the answer.

   I really feel for you.  I have felt that frustration before as well.  Every February I feel that way.   It seems we get caught up in the grind and forget the good stuff.    I have also had the motivation problem.  Huge issue.   Usually at the stage where you are at it is time to step back and take a breather.  

   Sometimes changing curriculum helps.   And you know, if you get caught up in the workbook/assignment maze you can lose sight of what you are really doing.

    My youngest daughter always wanted to go to school.   She finally just came to a stop and wouldn't work at all for me.  So I sent her to school.  Now she says she learned her lesson and wants to go back to homeschooling again.

    I would definitely scrap the karate thing though.   You need a break from all of the together teaching stress.  

Really reconsider the curriculum you are using also.  Maybe it is to stringent.

    Sounds like everybody needs a vacation!

Answer 12

Chin up.  You can do it!   Take a break and step back.

Re-evaluate and re-group.   When I get that way ,   I ask myself the questions:

Why am I homeschooling?  Would my son learn more in public school?    The answers keep me going.

You need to join a support group either in face to face or on Yahoo groups.  

We all feel the way you are feeling at some time or another.  I work in the public schools and the public school teachers feel this way ...especially at this time of year with summer break coming up soon.  

You need a break.  Kids learn more by accident than we did on purpose 'back in the day'.  

Let them write out the assignments for a few days.  Give them freedom to learn what they want to learn.

By the way, if you take my advice and relax for awhile, you may want to use the link below to watch some video.   I let my teen son watch these when he (or I) need a lazy day.  This is a great free resource.

http://www.learner.org/

Some of the video is aimed at teachers, but much of it has interesting information for everyone.

Answer 13

hi, i can definitely understand what you are going threw I'm a homeschooling mom and i have three children and the two older ones are in public school my youngest is 1 and its really hard for me to study, cook, clean, and have mommy time with my children.. its a little frustrating at time when they don't want to listen and understand your point i think honestly u should put them in public school this will give u more time for yourself and u still can have time to take them to karate and do more wonderful activities with them. try  a year and see how they will start focusing more and seeing other kids ther age learn...

Answer 14

i would tell them that if they dont start realizing how good they have it that you are going to put them in public school and a dont just say that actually follow up with it many parents dont actually do what they said and i thing this would make you children realize how great it is to be home schooled

hope i helped:)