I can't take it anymore...?

Question

I can't take it anymore...?

I don't even know where to begin. I guess the first thing I can say is that I am tired. i am so tired of everything... I don't see the point in my existence and i just want to disappear. I can't do it anymore. I don't feel like pushing forward any longer. The only thing that was keeping me alive was the fact that I could start my life over in another state but that dream seems so far away now, and I don't even think that it will ever come true.

I can't get close with anyone because I don't trust anyone. I don't even trust myself. I just turned 21 and the funny thing is i wished that I had died on that day. My day of birth.

No one understands me and I don't understand anyone. My parents don't even know what I am dealing with or what's going on inside my head. I have been dealing with depression for about nine years and they still don't know. The reason is because they don't really want to know. They always prefer to assume that everything is ok even when the truth is so clear.

The only "friends" that i had are no more. The reason is because i don't trust them. They gossip too much about others and even about each other. I wouldn't be surprised if they've gossiped about me. Those who were putting up with me have lost their patience. Contrary to what you may believe it does not bother me but what bothers me is that people find it odd that I am friendless. Why do I even care about what people think? (That also bothers me)

Well what I am trying to say is I can't do it anymore. I am about to graduate this December but that's not even enough to keep me alive anymore.

I have lost all hope in myself...

Answer 1

You don't need to "take it".

Once you graduate, pack your things and go away, wherever you like or wherever your feet will carry you.

You have no money and you are not ready for pure  (and risky) adventure? enroll  yourself as an international volunteer. Leave your current environment, the known territory.

Learn to accept what is coming day by day from your life, and to taste the details.

People you will meet, bad or good, will know nothing about you, you will not know about them, and there will be nothing special to hide.

Build a new yourself, stronger, and when you feel ready, go back

and afford the old you and your problems.

You don't feel to make a radical choice? in this case professional counselling could be both useful and interesting to give an answer to the questions that are puzzling you

Answer 2

Hey there and wait a mo. If you need friends you can find them here.



1)Your right life sucks. It sucks extremely bad. If your depressed over school etc then yoour prob aint good enough but if your thinking along the lines of how the owlrd is dso pointless then ya ica n help.

The thing is your gonna die anyways. Why not wait for it. If you want freedom or are really really sick of everything- LIVE your life the way you want to. Do the stuff you never have. your dreams. They can start form just going skydiving- trust me that sport helps think things out.

Really dont waste youer life.

2) See my logic in this- have fun with life just because its pointless! Life kinda tests you hun, play with it, Give it your best fight back. DOnt give up!

3) learn this- you can find friends. Keep the ones you have- be on guard with them. Lol if It was me and I was really depressed then I would actually run away to a village in a third world or to a tribe or somewhere desolated i dunno where i can juist live more simply etc..i dunno m just trynna help i guess

4) The onyl perosn you can control, trust etc cmpletely is yourself. Be strong. Create a sanctuary inside yourself. Parents are complicated. I know they love you but ya its understandable that most of the times they dont understand. As i said b4 jsust go with the flow, inside your head just laugh at the stupidity and idiocy of the world and live free!

5) Give the world your best and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyways!

PS dont give up. You cannot lose hope in yourself. Thats the only place you have left to trust. Its k if you lose hope in everything else. AFter graduation, its k to not know what to do ith your life. you might seem the odd one out but who cares! Things will work out.

Answer 3

You could be my daughter. She's the same age as you and for many years felt the same as you describe. For six years she rarely spoke to others and had no friends. For three years after, she dropped out of school, did nothing, said nothing, met no-one, sank deeper. She felt there was nothing she could do - so did we, her parents - we tried as best we could but nothing got through.

BUT

Last December she 'woke up'. It was like setting light to a rocket - in nine months she has gone out and got herself qualifications, found a job, made friends, taken driving lessons, booked  herself an  adventure holiday and is full of life, smiles, wit and joy. Probably the happiest person I have ever met - thinking back, I am still shaken with disbelief.

This could be you. Really.

I don't know enough to offer specific advice to you. (In my daughter's case it was a simple chemical imbalance in the brain - simple in hindsight that is but nobody had diagnosed it before.) But do check out what j153e said - you do have to try some things - try counselling, get to a doctor.

Good luck, and very best wishes for a brighter future.

Answer 4

Depression is a powerful thing - a very real illness. So get real help from a medical professional. If there is a underlying reason for how you feel then deal with it - get counselling. Don't expect your parents to guess how you are feeling. Sit them down and tell them.

As for gossip and caring what people think... that is just part of growing up. Once you get out of the fish bowl that is high school things will start looking up. I can remember feeling depressed at your age. I'm not much older now but I am already so much happier and more comfortable with myself - something that comes with age. I often look forward to my thirties cause things just seem to get better!

Finally redirect your attention. Volunteer. Find something that you're passionate about. Find a way to help people far worse off than yourself.  There is always someone worse off just as there is always someone much better off.

Don't give up!

Answer 5

You are doing well by posting your sadness.

Please call licensed counselors at 1-800-525-LOVE http://www.klove.com 24-7, let them help youI, tell them your problem.

During the week, business hours, M-F, call 1-800-232-6459 http://www.focusonthefamily.com ask for Counseling dept.  They will be able to recommend resources.

1-800-273-TALK is helpful, re depression and issues.

"Emotions," Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D., is good too.

It sounds like you may be suffering from lowered serotonin levels due to increased cortisol due to stress.  That's one possibility.  In any case, give yourself the love that your friends are presently not doing, by reaching out and calling some caring, loving, licensed counselors.  Your parents could be brought into the loop; ask the counselors about this.  God loves you.

Answer 6

Do whatever you feel right.  But remember, this life is the only you get.  Why throw something like that away.  Now, I'm not going to stop you from giving up, but think about this.  Death is easier than life.  It is abyss, you lose all your memories, your feelings, your senses.  You lose everything in death.  We all die eventually, but the thing that gets me going is being happy.  Helping people.  Thinking.

There is no point to life.  There isn't.  We live, we die.  That is the way it is.  But you are lucky to be even given a life.  I wouldn't give away my ability to think for everything in the world.  And I would gladly give it up for death, when the time comes.  Living is such a great experience.  Just because your life isn't so great now, doesn't mean it won't be in a few days.  A few minutes is all it takes to turn someones life around.  

But, why throw this all away for nothing.  Is that a fair trade?  No.  Wait until death cheats everything away from you.  Fight to keep it all.  

Nothing is important, but at the same time it is all important.

Now you go do whatever you want to do.  Live, Die.  It is all your choice.  The reason I stay alive, even though I know everything is meaningless, is because I fear what is after life.  I don't fear death, but emptiness.

Everyone has freedom.  Freedom is doing anything because you can.  Freedom is having to only ask yourself, "Should I?"