I can't tell if I'm being used or he's just confused?

Question

Ex and I have been best friends for over a yr (broke up over a misunderstanding awhile ago). He's been out of town for work all summer and we talk 4 or 5x a day, he says he misses me, etc. Before he left we were together every single day for 7 or 8 months, hanging out, spending the night (no s*x) etc. He recently flew me out to visit, and it was great except for a fight we got into before I left. During the fight he said, "I was going to get back w/ you when I got back," implying he's not now. He said he'd been wanting to date me again for a long time. We left angry; now things are pretty much back to normal.

Why will he not just commit? EVERYONE thinks we're together and he hasn't been out with any other girl than me in the 8 months or so we've been "hanging out." He said if he was going to date anyone right now, it would be me. So...what's the hold up? We're both 26, in careers, own homes, so it's not like he still needs to play!

Answer 1

Some men need to know that they are in charge of the love game, so they will wait until you do not expect it anymore. Others are not ready to commit and loose their freedom... and then they are those who will tell you that they were going to go back to you and used it to hurt you, because they want to get back at you. Just asked him the same question you ask here. Put it on the table and then decided if he is worth waiting for... if he is not... move on.

Anna del C.

Author of "The Elf and the Princess"

and "Trouble in the Elf City"

Answer 2

Sounds like is is scared to ruin a good thing. He might like how you are now and is scared that if he goes for it and it doesnt work out, he will lose you all together. Its like his second chance you two being friends. That or he is afraid to commit to you

If you are interested in him, come out and ask him about his intentions. This way you know what you are dealing with.

If you arent, then let it be.  

Answer 3

This guy just doesn't sound like he is ready to commit and there is nothing wrong with that.  You need to decide if he is worth waiting for.

Answer 4

If he's confused, your been used.....

Answer 5

He isn't confused at all. He still needs to play. He doesn't want to commit to you. You're convenient-- he can hang out with you all day and you 1-won't move on and find a guy who really wants to be with you and 2-require nothing of him.. You're too chicken to even ASK him what's up -- how easy is that for him? He can mess you around and you're afraid to stand up for yourself and say HEY- I deserve better.

He's got it made. You're convenient and require nothing. You think having a mature discussion is "pressuring"-- LOL You teach people how to treat you.  

Answer 6

In my experience it is best not to push things.  If you push him into getting serious with you and he is not ready, it will most definitely backfire on you.  Just try to enjoy what you have.  The grass in not always greener on the other side.  

Answer 7

Different people move at different paces for different reasons.  The distance between the two of you cannot be helping his commitment.  You said it yourself.  You are in careers, own your homes.  He has responsibilities.  As much as you probably don't want to hear this, more important things might be on his mind right now.  Take that into consideration.  While he might be one of your top priorities, you may not be one of his.

Answer 8

The question ought not to be "why won't he commit" the question is "Why are you still there?"   And yes, he for sure still does need to play, keeping you as a possible jerk in reserve.

There is a reason he is your ex, and you his... it called "essential incompatibility".

So yes, not only is he confused, you are too, and as well, you are being used.... surely there are other guys out there... geez, lady.......  Where is your self esteem?  You have your own home, a career, things most of the people on here would kill for.... you need a game player?   A drama queen (king)?