I can feel a parent divorce coming, what can i do, what should i do?

Question

Im a senior in high school, and my parents have been fighting for at least 10 years now, ever since i was little. The thing is i can tell they don't have any feeling towards each other now, they are just staying together so i dont have to deal with a divorce. I have a lot on my mind at this time of year, u know colleges and everything, and this is really affecting me and kinda everything in my life. I've tried ALOT, but it doesnt really work and i kinda stopped trying now, given up and just let things play out. I really believe after im in college they are going to divorce, but i just dont like that idea at all because im basically almost an adult and it hurts.

On the side note, i think my mom has something called mid-life crisis because she always talks about how half her life's been wasted, blah blah and how she needs to live her own life. To tell u the truth, she is acting very crazy since she turned 50.

So i want to know what i cant do, are there others experiencing this same situation like i am? Oh d**n i feel lost........

Answer 1

Ouch.  Sounds like u and mom need to talk, face to face...

Otherwise, there is not much you can do.  If they divorce, it was meant to be.  It's not due to you, it's due to how they feel about one another.  You DO need to communicate that this is really bothering you to both of your parents (once again, face to face), either at the same time or one at a time, however it is most comfortable for you.

In the meantime, from a mom's standpoint ( I have 2 boys 17 and 11)  It is hard to be an "at home mom".  Try your best to pick up after yourself, help her out a bit- you will be amazed to see how far that goes.  She does need to know she is appreciated.  Mom's know they are loved and appreciated deep down, but we need to hear it and to be shown.  

Good luck to you!  Do your best this last year of high school, while still having fun!!

Answer 2

Eric?  Son?

Sounds to me like your mother has been doing for a couple of men for half of her life and is tired of being the chief cook, laundry lady, house keeper, fixer of every problem and picker upper of everything cast off by you and your father.  She feels unappreciated and used.  

How many times have you or your father helped her around the house?  Does she work outside of the house or is she a house mother?  Who does the cooking?  Who does the cleaning? Washing? vacumning? Who mows the lawn?

Think about it.

Answer 3

Don't ever let anyone tell you that it is your fault.

Parents sometimes loose their love towards each other and that has nothing to do with  kids.  EVER.

Kids just get stuck in the middle and it's not fair but just plug through it.

This is something that they are going to have to just work through on their own.  

As much as this is going to involve you and hurt, stuff happens.

Try not to let them vent to you.  Let them know how much that bothers you.  That's what counsellors are for.  

They are your parents.  Their job is to love you and support you in what you do.

Focus on your life (not to sound selfish).  You are taking a lot of big steps and need to know what you are going to do in your life.

Life has hiccups and ups and downs but keep plugging away and build a life for yourself, you can do it!

Answer 4

I know how you feel. My parents divorced when I was 10yo. The biggest problem was custody of me. Having to go back and forth between them to live. They may be happier to be divorced. It may seem hard but it may be the best thing. If you need to talk about it more feel free to email me.

Answer 5

Hi...sorry about what you are going through right now....I have a family and I value my family above all things....so I know how important family life is and I can just imagine the pain you are going through....

The thing is...the problem between your parents have started a long time ago....the problem should've been nipped at the bud instead of it becoming a major disaster...its probable that they are both feeling frustrated with what's going on and face the what if's in their life if they went on a different path. I'm not sure if there's anything at all that you can do and it also looks like your parents have given up themselves....but I think their staying together is only making things worse for you...I know you want them to stay together but it's obvious that its only causing everybody a lot of stress....

The best thing to do  is to talk as a family....tell them how you feel....its best to find a solution for your problems as a family...something that would work out for all of you...

Hope things get better for you....try not to get distracted...its important that you finish college....