I can not stand, I mean I CAN NOT STAND my mother in law!!!!!!!!!!! What can I do?

Question

My mother in law is always up in my husband and mine business. She tells me how I should be a mother to my 2 year old. She constantly wants to know if we are fighting and what about. She tells me how to clean my apartment. She shows up at our apartment unannounced, at least twice a month even though we tell her to please call and ask first. She snoops through our stuff. Invites herself in. She has caused my husband and I to fight more than once. She causes problems between my husband and I quite a bit. This ain't even the half of what she does... this started after we got married. We were together almost a year before we got married and she was fine then. We have been married for like 2 years. (I got pregnant while we were dating, got married right after our daughter was born). I cannot stand it anymore, what should I do?

Answer 1

The fact you let yourself get to the point of not being able to stand her is sad. She is your mother-in-law regardless. You married her son.

If you let yourself get to the point you are here then she has succeeded in what she has set out to do to you. Stop enabling her to do it.  You can not changer her and you can not make her see things your way. Stop trying.

Accept her as the person she is because she will always be that person and stop letting her make your life miserable because she is.

If you fight with your husband about her then it was your choice to do it. Stop that also.

Face it dear. You have let yourself get to a point here where nothing she does will make you see her differently. You have go to be the better person here.

Answer 2

Set boundaries.

If she has a key, change the locks.  

If she asks tell her all is fine and wonder full, you have never been happier.

if she shows up unannounced, do not answer the door.  Or tell her now is not a good time.  (this is done by people who know that the other person may say now is not good for a visit it's a form of control)

Don't fight with your husband over his mother.  Remember, even if your right it's still his mom, NO one wants to hear someone bad mouth their mother on a regular basis.  

Answer 3

You need to get slick about handling her. She is competing with you.

Have your husband drop by and hang out with his parents once a week... if he puts in the face time, hopefully that will take some of this off your shoulders. If he takes them out to dinner, that is ideal. If you meet the lot of them at the restaurant, then you can show off the kid and then leave independently.

If you don't have a peeper-hole in your door, get one. If it is your MIL, don't open it.

If she badgers her way in, you grab your purse & kid and tell her you are on your way to an appointment.

Get a keyed lock on your bedroom door and use it whenever you have visitors... you don't need her snooping.

You don't give her any information other than "everything is just fine" and keep it all general.

Screen her calls, and when you do pick up, time her out at about 5 minutes with some lame-o excuse.

Answer 4

Tell her to leave and never come back lol!

Answer 5

Just tell her nicely that you would like a little more privacy. If she continues just tell her to mind her own business. =)

Answer 6

Hey I have one of those too!!! Stand up to her be serious about it. Tell her to mind her own business and that if you need her help you will ask.  

Answer 7

Welcome to the growing club of mil haters. There is little you can do without upsetting the family status quo. Most of us could never be good enough to marry our wives/husbads according to our mils. Mils are a very good source of marital problems and your problems you describe are classic of the ever lasting challenge and if you can ever figure out a legal solution, youd be very rich. So without destroying our families, we have learned to live with the problem and pray for an early mil demise. My mil has been a pain in my a.s for over 30 yrs now and due to 2 severe strokes now lives with us so things can always be worse

Answer 8

First you need to chill, it is hard to do but try to take some deep breaths.  Then, spend time alone with her and truly feel this before you do it or it won't work.  Ok lets face it there are people in the world that we don't like or click with and never will.  But, this is your childs grandparent.  Create love in your heart for her.  She is bored.  Try this.."I am so pleased you care for your son and his family.  It comforts me to know you look out for us.  Life is hard and help is lovely at times.  But, sometimes I just need my space.  I am really a person who needs to feel comfortable in my home and I enjoy a peaceful and loving environment.  Privacy is also important to me and I do love you and your support.  What was important for you when you were a young mother?  I really want to get to know you better.  Maybe we can plan a monthly lunch at the house or something?"  This will work.  Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

She is your  MIL 'til death do you part hon.

Just be polite and ignore her idiosyncracies.

2 times a month isn't bad.

Answer 10

She stops by to see her grandchild twice a month and you think this is unreasonable?? Tell me something, if it was YOUR Mom stopping by, how would you feel?

I really think you need to cut this woman a little slack. After all, she is your husband's mother and your child's grandmother. As far as her butting in, she can only get the information you give her. If she asks something you don't want to reveal, change the subject or say "I really don't want to discuss it." If all else fails, quietly turn and leave the room. She'll get the picture.

Lock up your stuff so she can't snoop. And, if she advises you about housekeeping, hand her a rag and put her to work, or just thank her for the advice and let it go.

You really are letting this get to you too much. You're going to be dealing with her the rest of her life. It would be so much nicer for all involved if you could try to like her just a little.

Answer 11

What is so sad is she is probably oblivious to the fact that she is creating problems

do not make your son choose or blame him for her behavior

all you can do is love her and look at things from her perspective

take her advice and then do what you want

did you ever watch the Raymond show? my MIL makes the lady on  that show look like a saint.  

when she tells you what to do just look at her dumbfounded and say really who do you think you are are you seriously telling me how to clean my own house?  ask her how she would feel if you criticized her housekeeping and so on be honest with her I hope this helps