I can understand if i am g*y or normal because something block me .can you help me?

Question

i am 24 years old i can afford anymore that problem is killing me day by day . i am foreign here in london i came here to do my master because i want to escape from my past but it follow me everywhere.i do not have money for psychoanalyst so please, i want to say how much i have suffered and still suffer all that years. Years when i pretended that everything is ok but finnaly i can play this game. when i was young i realise that i can not work with the girls, i do everything but something has blocked me everytime when i tried to have s*x just doesn't work . i like to watch p**n but specific one like old man with woman ,and after that i realised that i have only erection with old man ,i mean old 50 years old and over. For me that is sickness and i want to escape.I tried to escape from this situation and i left from my country and came here bigger city more peoples but i can not get rid of that situation.I tried so much with woman i do not know how many everything is good at least when i have to do s*x there all my erection disappear and i have to run away go home and get on internet to find movie satisfy myself. All that years i mean from 13 years old, when i realised my problem i fight everyday with my mind and i can find a peace because i can understand if i created the story when i want to say you or this story is exist in my mind and it's blocked me to have satisfy with a woman.I do not know why and i ask someone to help me i am died from this situation. so my story is: when i was 13 i realised that i can not finish with a woman so i started to make a researched why i can not be something when i want to much man.i found out and this is my core problem if is true story or my imagination to feel better and i said that because i can not remember clear what was happening to me maybe i was too young after too much reseach from my side almost every day i can say that i was 4-6 years old .i 've seen 13 years old that someone from my friend father ,he put me in a truck mean long vehicle for ride. however i can not remember the story clearly so this is a reason who takes me so much time to speak to soneone about that.somewhere during htat ride ,i remember to stop in front of big tree like forest with many olive tree and everytime i remember him to say me are you ok ,ok and at the end , i vomit ,i think that he put me to give him oral s*x.

so try to solve if that is my imagination or that happened to me.

i can not escape for that and i think i am walking to my end . YOU are wondering why now i said that and not before years because i decided to make my new start in other country.so i've been here in london and i tried to change but i realise here that i have to deal with my self and put together this 2 parts of my life is so difficult i suffer so much like not before and believe i put myself everytime to pass from the most difficult situation , why?i think because i want to impress the people around me that i am ok i can do that and every time the life slapped me but i was there and tried still try but now ,i have to ask for help someone specialist to help me . this is a reason why i've written to you and please answer to me that is my imagination or is exist .how can i find out that question.it has any way any methods to make me see clearly what was happening in my past.

SORRY FOR MY GRAMMAR MISTAKES BUT I HAVE BEEN HERE ONLY 7 MONTHS AND I CAN NOT WRITE BETTER BUT SURE I SUFFER AND I WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME .I AM ALONE SO I'LL APPECIATE IF YOU ANSWER ME BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

thanks for the time

Answer 1

oh hon, look. First of all, If you're g*y, you're g*y. I don't know what country you're from, but beng g*y is not a sickness. Everybody has preferences. Everybody has kinks or fetishes, too.

I can't say if the stuff with your friends father is real or imaginary. It is possible to have false memories, however it usually only happens when you're at a very young age. four to six is probably a little old... and something like that would be less likely to be a false memory. You may have subconciously suppressed it as a child to protect yourself and now it's coming back up.

You shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Enjoy the freedom of your new country, and embrace who you are as a person, rather than dwelling in the past. Everyone is different and unique. You are not sick, you are your own person.

P.S. for having only been here for 7 months, you're doing really well with your english.

Answer 2

did you have an experience with an old man when you were young?

I don't know, but it seems like you have an issue with women, and it may be due to an experience that you had when you were young..

Answer 3

You've accomplished alot. Even if you don't think so, you really have. I say take the stress off your life by not worrying about s*x and relationships right now. There is plenty of time for that later. Get the education you wanted work towards your goals focus on making solid friendships. Friends ships are a two way street. And good famailly friendships help us find the grounding and strenghth we need to deal with our personal lives over time. Don't over think this for now. It's ok to give it a rest. You don't have to deal with it all at once. One thing at a time will do fine.

Answer 4

Whether your past is true or only imagination, you are depressed because of a sense of guilt from the somewhat "immoral event" that bothers you. And that's the bottomline. You can never go on and start a new life unless you forgive yourself and ask forgiveness from God.

Life is not all about sexuality. Hapiness is about finding your worth in the lives of others by being able to help someone else in little or significant ways. Don't focus on yourself. A lot of people needs your charity and attention. This way you will overcome emptiness and fears. Remember: fear and courage is only a decision away. Do something for someone and you will help yourself without knowing it.

Answer 5

You have something called post-traumatic stress disorder.  You cannot completely remember that ride in the man's truck that day because it made you very sick and afraid.  You blocked it out of your memory.  This is very common in cases of sexual abuse.  You were sexually molested by an older man.  I think the reason why you crave older men is because you need to heal emotionally.  Let me explain myself.  You are seeking out a situation that reminds you of the abusive event because you want to re-create it in an environment that is safe.  In this way you would be turning something you fear into something you love and that would help you overcome your pain.  Do not be ashamed of yourself.  You have no reason to be ashamed.  Many young women your age only find older men attractive.  If you decide to drop lesbianism and instead seek out older men just be very careful.  Many older men that you meet on the internet could be potentially dangerous.    Another suggestion would be to only act on your desires in a fantasy world.  Let your imagination take you wherever it longs to go.  Let yourself finish.  Let yourself come undone.  By doing so you might actually release these inner "demons" and it might help you feel much, much better.  I hope you're ok.  I wish you luck!

Answer 6

I'm sorry but if you write that much no one is gonna read it! Well i don't think think your g*y  

Answer 7

you're being way too harsh on yourself, being g*y is not wrong even being attracted to older men is not wrong (i wouldn't be surprised if many people preferred it.) however, the sexual abuse you suffered has obviously had a bad effect on you.. i'm guessing you don't really have anyone to talk to about it but it would help if you could find a trusted friend. even a free conseling line will help. you need to stop blaming yourself for how you feel and what happened to you, nobody can control that and its not your fault at all. you're ok! really! I wish you all the best

Answer 8

Your English is fine, so don't worry about it. I think we can agree you are g*y and that you are attracted to older men. Your problem is that you are ashamed of this, not only because homosexuality is illegal or frowned upon in your own country, but because you think you are that way because of something that happened when you were young.

Do not think this way. There are thousands of people like you and in the UK you can live virtually any way you want – even marry another man!

The internet is the ideal place for you to discreetly and anonymously chat and discuss your issues with people who feel the same way. There are plenty of sites which have 'someone for everyone' such as FriendFinder. You may eventually start an online relationship with someone who could be your ideal partner. At 24 you are very well-placed, and there are plenty of older men who dream of a lasting relationship with someone like you.

Don't be ashamed of who you are and what you want out of life.