From February to May I was going through a normal and euphoric mania. I had all these neat ideas to make money, I was doing good in school, made loads of friends, hooked up with a lot of girls I liked. The negatives were still there, a bunch of s*x, racing thoughts and impulse spending. I had a slight bit of psychosis thrown in there. also I slept on average 4 hours a day.
Somewhere around early June i got in a car accident( the accident wasn't traumatic or nothing, i was standing and a truck pushed my car to the curb) and I had to break it off with a nice girl I was talking to because it was kinda hard seeing her 50 miles away without a car. During that week I suffered a lot of guilt and depressive thoughts, a lot of extra sleeping, I lost a lot of pounds, wasn't interested in anything, very sad and VERY suicidal. This lasted for a about 1-2 weeks.
Somewhere around July i started feeling manic again but with the depressive symptoms. This is what I found out to be a mixed state episode. Late July/early August my mood became dysphoric, and now this week everyday its switching between a mixed state and dysphoric.
I don't get how I fell into this. I have high energy, great urge to have s*x, WANT to spend money but got none, very irritable, VERY ANGRY(only when im dysphoric) along with INTENSE RAGE, i feel like c**p inside but im still jumping around, intense guilt, i hate myself one second, the next i hate the world.
One second im laughing, then crying all of a sudden, and then laughing again, and then crying again, etc
Yes im very unstable, what happened to that euphoric and creative mania that helps me instead of hurting me...?
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