I cant get over this abortion?

Question

im 16 + i had to get an abortion it was the worst experience of my life.

My mother was on holiday and my dcr told my grandma she made me get rid of it i was 12weeks.

When my mum got back i told her and she has fallen out with her mum because it should have been my choice my choice would have been to keep it

i would have been 5 n a half months

it kills me to this day as i would have been an amazing mother

and i took a human life

the physical/emotional/mental scars are still there and its so hard.

I sometimes wonder what id look like if i kept it

and it breaks my heart as im so anti-abortion

can someone help me

i cry when i think about it as its just too painful

Answer 1

i'm sorry, but you are still a child.

evidenced by the fact that you cannot take responsibility for any of your actions. example: #1-unplanned pregnancy & termination #2-blaming the abortion on someone else. no one can make anyone else get an abortion, you went along with it because you were scared after finding out you had an unplanned pregnancy on your hands & wanted someone to hold your hand & tell you what to do--like a child.

start taking responsibility--for yourself & your actions.

THEN talk about how amazing you'd be as a parent.

Answer 2

first off its your decision whether to keep your child or not.im assuming you didnt know this before!your grandmother should be ashamed of herself i could slap her in the face im so mad.dont blame yourself for what happened b.c when it comes down to it she was suppose to be there for you and guide u in the right direction instead she done something that youll have to live with for the rest of your life.I think all you can really do is pray and ask for guidance.good luck!

Answer 3

at 16 there is so much more you need to learn first and foremost you do need to use protection when having a relationship ---good for your partner and good for you. No harm has been done with the procedure you have had as medicine has improved to the extent where it is perfectly safe and sometimes necessary for the health of the mother. You will have lots of opportunities to experience motherhood in the future. It is a great responsibility for which you need to be financial prepared and a steady partner is also necessary for the well being and happiness of the child. It is definitely a learning experience so look at it as such and look to the future as a mother first and foremost needs to be able to look after her child both financially and physically. Think about these important issues and not about what has passed. So good luck and keep learning so that you can become a better parent able to provide well for yourself and your children.

Answer 4

I am so very sorry.  I can understand how scared you were and how vulnerable you were at that moment.  Your grandmother made a terrible mistake.

I suggest that you talk with your parents and tell them that you need professional and/or religious guidance and help.  You deserve this kind of help and kindness.

If your parents do not help you, then you need to go to a free kind of service to help you.  

Your heart is grieving and you feel guilty and sad.  I understand.  

With guidance of how to cleanse your soul and your conscience, you will be able to carry on.

I wish you the very best of recovery and I hope that you have loving and understanding parents.

Answer 5

How did your grandmother force you do have an abortion? She isn't your legal guardian. Even your mom can't force you to have one.

Did you tell the dr's? If you did tell them, they wouldn't have performed it.

I think you need to go and see someone professional about it.

Answer 6

I am so sorry sweetie. You should tell your doctor your having a hard time coping. They can give you anti depressants that truly do work. Plus using a theripist will really help you out, it's not healthy to not talk about your feelings. I'm sure you woud have made a wonderful mother, and someday you will.

Answer 7

I don't know what your religious/spiritual beliefs are but if you believe in God, just know that He forgives you and everything will be okay. What you are feeling is normal. I myself am also anti-abortion. You will be fine, just pray, know that you're forgiven, and forgive yourself. There is nothing you can do now to change the past. It is heartbreaking and I am very sorry for your loss. You're in my prayers, I believe you will be fine honey.

Answer 8

so i was devestated when i first read this...one because i dont believe abortions are right unless you have been raped or the baby will cause the mother a lot of harm...two because you wanted to keep this baby and you were forced to get rid of it. thats just not right...i woud advise praying to God and He will comfort you

I am so sorry this has happened to you and i will pray for you!

Answer 9

ur mum is right, it was ur decision whether u kept the baby or not and ur grandma shouldnt have forced u to do anything. but there is no use being mad at her about it, whats done is done. but i think i can see why ur grandma did what she did, she was looking out for u, out for ur family, she is from the older generation and having a baby out of wedlock is considered....bad, unacceptable. she was only doing what she though was right.

there isnt much that anybody can say to make u get over this, but finding someone to talk to about it, a counsellor or somebody u can trust to help u deal with the emotions and pain that u r feeling. it will probably never go away, but over time it will begin to feel better.

Answer 10

I heard a story about one mom whose daughter told her when she was old enough to talk that "I came back to you, didn't I?"  She had an abortion before the pregnancy with her daughter.

I don't believe that abortion is wrong, or that it should be denied ever.  I do however believe forced abortion is almost equivalent to rape.  Perhaps your grandmother should pay for you to go to therapy.

Answer 11

Sorry to hear.  Unfortunately at this point the damage is done.  Your grandma really had no right to decide, you're not under her guardianship.  I don't really know what to say, I'm trying to cope with a miscarriage I just had and the only thing I can say is don't shut yourself off.  If you're hurting, it's more than okay to cry and let people know how you feel.  Apparently your mother wasn't happy with the situation either, talk to her if you haven't.  Eventually the pain will lessen but you'll more than likely never forget.  The baby was a part of you and that won't change.

Answer 12

You must have felt in an absolute quandary while your mother was away on holiday and you had the abortion.  I feel for you.  I know of several people who have had abortions and felt this same way;  you are not alone; one of them was my mum who was too weak to carry her fifth child, so the doctor recommended abortion, to this day she regrets it.  So you can see that all age groups have abortions under different circumstances and still feel the same way as you do now.

But what's done is done and YOU are still here on earth and I am sure the spirit of little babies everywhere would want to see you getting on with your life now and finishing your education in peace.

Perhaps your experience might lead you to be a volunteer counsellor for young girls such as yourself who may find themselves in similar situations.  Helping others will help you to heal.

And one day YOU WILL have a family of your own and I AM SURE you will bring your children up to be strong, caring and forthright individuals like yourself.

Answer 13

big hugs sweety. I would cut all ties for the rest of my life with my grandma if i were in your position. How dare she think she has the right to take a life away? In my eyes she is a murderer. This is going to affect you for  the rest of your life but the pain will ease with time. You are still a mummy, your sweet little Angel is looking down on you from the stars and knows it wasn't your fault.

I know it doesnt seem like it now but the pain really will ease and in some way you will find peace with it. When my son died i comforted myself by knowing he went to a better place and will never feel pain or heartache. If you believe in god and heaven take comfort from knowing you will meet your baby one day and will be together for eternity. Dont listen to anyone who tries to tell you it wasnt a baby yet etc, because he/she was your son/daughter from conception. Take each day one at a time, you will get through the hardest times and come out much stronger.

Answer 14

Hi, I am not sure if i can help  you but i have had an abortion as well, and it is the hardest thing i have ever done, but your only 16 as you get older the feeling of dispair will start to fade jst keep your head up... I am sure u will be ok:)

Answer 15

Interesting that you say you are so anti-abortion, and yet when you're in the situation of having to decide whether or not to have the baby, you decide on abortion.  Hypocritical.  Anyway, your grandmother could not have forced you against your will - no-one can - so you will have to learn to live with what you've done.  Time heals - life's c**p sometimes, but you'll learn to cope.

Answer 16

I disagree with some of the comments you never get over the loss of a baby no matter the circumstances it is always there I had to have two medical terminations one 20 years ago and the other 16 years ago i can still remember vividly when I was told the pregnancies were not viable one at 20 wks the other 10wks. I still pine for those lost ones today even though I now have four healthy children I always think of what might have been.

But in your case having a abortion must have been really hard knowing that there was nothing wrong with your baby. Sorry it will stay with you for the rest of your life.  You have to come to terms with it and look forward to your future and the children you will have one day when you get older.

I think ,first you must learn to forgive yourself considering you were pressured into the decision.

Your grandmother was doing what she thought best at the time but didn't consider the effects that it would have on you both mentally and physically  

anyway good luck forgive yourself and move on sounds like you have a cool mum talk to her