I cant stand my son's father...what can i do about him...he did the unthinkable?

Question

my son is 10 mos old...i told him not to cut the baby' hair until he is 1. So I put lil box braids in his hair just so that he looks presentable....Well his father discourages it. He constantly calls me and harasses me threatening to cut my son's hair. It is our family belief that you aren't supposed to cut babies hair until they are at least 18 mos.

But him being spiteful he called me up and told me that he was going to do this ...and he did...he took my 10 month old son to the barber shop...just to get back at me...I understand hair grows back not a big deal but that is our family tradition...we save the first locks....and now they are gone....why would he do this just to be spiteful

Answer 1

What are your belifes? I'm sorry but it's his son too, and if he does not share the same belifes as you has every right to cut his hair just as you don't wish to.

Answer 2

There's not much you can do about this, but you should try to have a better relation with your son's father. You have a kid together and that will make you somehow connected for the rest of your lifes

Answer 3

cause he is the father and obviously doesn't respect you or your beliefs. he didn't even save any? so sad .

Answer 4

When you said unthinkable, I thought the worst and was actually afraid to read this... this isn't the worst .  It's a selfish reaction by both of you, but not the worst.  For your son's sake, I strongly suggest that you all get into some family counseling so you and his father can learn to get along.  Your son is the most important person here and you and his father need to learn to put him first and not to use him in your games.  I'm assuming that you are not married to the father, so you may wish to contact an attorney so you can hammer out visitation, child support, and issues like the hair cut; this would be in everyone's best interest, especially since your son is not even 1 yet and you have 17 more years of dealing with each other as parents.  As a side note, I'm a mom of a 3 year old boy.  To be honest with you, if someone had put braids in my son's hair I wouldn't be too pleased.  You son's comfort should be the priority.

Answer 5

obviously this poor kid is going to be focus of your ongoing battle with the sperm donor for the rest of his life.  if you want respect and cooperation from daddy, you need to set the pace and stop being so controlling and contentious.  it's the kid's hair already, no big deal unless you make it so.  

consider the possibility that he did it because he likes his sons hair short, not to spite you.  perhaps, just perhaps it has nothing to do with you but with his relationship with his son.

Answer 6

as Someone who Knows the beliefs in a culture and believe in some of them it does make one mad at the whole ordeal of someone not meeting you half-way on your child, so when other women say your being selfish and not letting him have a say well thats just wrong ...as a mother whose still with my baby's father It would hurt me beyond reason if he cut my son's hair without me knowing or out've spite, Sounds like he needs a good talking to about your culture and traditions and you want your child to follow those or at least acknowledge them. just cause he's the sperm donor and a man doesn't mean he can dominate over you and your child. other woman shouldn't applaud him and say your controlling it's common sense to let the mother/father know your going to do something that drastic and yes to her it was drastic and important because it was culture and tradition so don't give her c**p about being controlling. Sounds like he used this to strike a blow he needs to be the one to realize it that a child shouldn't be a reason to lash out.

To the women who say she's controlling what about him sounds like communication all around from both parties is needed theirs just no need to call her a bad woman for venting about this.

Answer 7

i would be furious. but everyone is right he has his beliefs as well yes he should of respected you and you both should of came to an agreement on the hair...But he should of also saved some hair..Im sorry but I see so many women saying that he does not respect my beliefs on raising our kid..well he is also the father and he needs to be a part of the babies life as well..

Answer 8

Calm down- this is not the unthinkable! The unthinkable is hurting him! I understand you being upset- I would be too but it really is just hair. Your son is safe, healthy and happy and that's all that really matters. Unfortunately your son's father sounds like an immature jerk. Sorry he's so inconsiderate but pick your battles- this one isn't worth fighting over.

Answer 9

Honestly a haircut, beliefs or not is not unthinkable. I thought you were going to say he beat him ,or left him alone or something.

There is not a lot you can do about it now, it is already done. You two need to try and agree on your parenting. This is a hard concept for a lot of women. But the child is as much his as it is yours. As long as he is an active part of his life, he should have a say as well. That does not mean go out and do it to spite you though, that was very immature.

I agree with the person that said you both need to learn how to get along, if it is this bad at 10 months of age it will just keep escalating. Do not drag your child through years of this behavior from either of you. Find a way to work it out for your sons sake.

Answer 10

well i believe it's his son too but i think u two should work out all the disagreements between you specially when it comes to big issues it's not only about the child's hair but it may cause u alot of trouble later with other issues. So you two have to be understanding and reach a point of settlement through talking before daring each other into stupid games as it may cause suffering later on blv me... you guys gotta sort this out..

Answer 11

you have your family traditions but he probably also has his.

Answer 12

I get that you're mad, but this is his baby too, not just yours.  He wanted them cut, you didn't respect that.   Maybe what you two should've done is tried to talk it out and come to a compromise instead of just harrassing each other and getting pissed off.   You both need to straighten up with each other for the sake of your son.

Answer 13

In my opinion for your sons sake you need to come down off that high horse a bit... Maybe he didn't like the thought of his son having braids in his hair.... I certainly wouldn't want braids in my sons hair..Perhaps instead of "demanding" things you should've spoken reasonably about it with him....You know, like asking his opinion and negotiating instead of ordering him "not to cut his hair"...