I caught my 16 year old son having s*x. doesn't talk anymore?

Question

one of my sons are 16. About a month ago, we caught him sleeping with his girlfriend, Sarah. About a week later me and my husbad went. Away for one day, and I guess he decided to try to pull something over us, and had s*x with Sarah. We caught him in bed, sleeping with her, with an open condom wrapper on his nightstand. After a week of fighting, he just decided to complete forget us, and we have never talked since.

They are still going out.

I'm worried what is going to hhappen in the future, I don't want to go through this for the rest of my life.

Its been about a month now

Answer 1

well at least you can safley say that hes not doing anything you dont know about behind your back... i think now its time to accept the fact that your son will have s*x, and talk to him about the safety procedures to ensure his gf doest get pregant... and also tell him he can talk to you or his dad about anything.. i mean hes growing up and the last thing you want is to make him feel uncomfrotable talking to you about things hes going through.. he might end up making the wrong choices and decisions all because he couldnt talk to someone about it and get the needed advice he needed to prevent a bad thing from happening... your job as a parent is to guide him through life, to help him make the RIGHT choices while still accepting the fact that he will make choices for himself whether good or bad.. just make sure he is prepared for the consequences.... life is about learning through the choises you make.. hopfully he will be lucky to have great parents to give him advice on how to not make the wrong ones... dont push him away.. just help him and work around his decision... make sure whatever he does is done the the best possible way =)

good luck <33

Answer 2

well..i dont knw anything..cause i havent been a mother yet..but i think u should forgive him...and try to talk with him...and apologize him...cause s*x is just a symbol of LOVE! but if Sarah gets pregnant its a different thing!

Answer 3

This is normal 16 year old behavior.

Tell him that you aren't comfortable with it in your home if that is what you are mad about.

Be open and honest, because whether you like it or not he is going to do it.

Answer 4

I think your over reacting to the situation, instead of telling him no and that he cant, (we all know he will weather you say so or not) tell him how to do it safely and please please please dont tell her parents that will cause alot of problems.  the best thing you can do is inform and let him decide it is his life isnt it? you might want to tell him your sorry for over reacting but, he is 16 and i would very much thank god that its happening at 16 and not sooner

Answer 5

Sounds like your son is normal, maybe cut him a little slack.  Sure, you don't want your 16 year old having s*x....but it's going to happen.  You aren't going to be able to stop it.  So give him a break. It's not drugs, he's not breaking a law, and he is using a condom.  Accept that he is a normal teen, explain to him about safety (which he seems to be taking care of himself) and accept that he's growing up.  A parent is NOT going to be able to get a teenage boy to stop having s*x.  So why cause such confict between you?  

Answer 6

Poor lad, first he has the humiliation of you bursting in when he's in the act,

then you go and have a go at him even though they are practicing safe s*x and legally old enough!

Plus you clearly think yourself better than her family... P.s. The Irish are not all Catholics!

Glad for him that he's away from you

Answer 7

You should look into disowning him.  Sometimes kids turn out rotten through NO FAULT of the parent.  Kick him out, change the locks, tell him to find an apartment and a job.  If he wants the perks of an adult, he can start having the responsibilities too.

Answer 8

You need to have a conversation about it. I think parents who IGNORE the situation and tell their children they can't have s*x are ignorant. Teenagers have s*x, and if you don't address the situation he might end up with a pregnant girlfriend. He needs to understand the consequences.

That being said, it is not ok for him to have s*x in your home, let him know that you do not and will not support that until he is a married adult.  

Answer 9

well atleast there being safe about it...

theres not much u do he will be him..

you cant controll him foever

just make sure he uses protection.

Answer 10

what r u worried about he is a boy u dont want him to be g*y so let him have s*x and he used proction u cant always stop ur kids from doing things anyways he will do it in public if u kept acting like this u were probaby like him i would be proud that my son is getting sum  

Answer 11

Sounds like your son is normal, maybe cut him a little slack. Sure, you don't want your 16 year old having s*x....but it's going to happen. You aren't going to be able to stop it. So give him a break. It's not drugs, he's not breaking a law, and he is using a condom. Accept that he is a normal teen, explain to him about safety (which he seems to be taking care of himself) and accept that he's growing up. A parent is NOT going to be able to get a teenage boy to stop having s*x. So why cause such confict between you?

Answer 12

what are you on woman!!!!!!!! he is 16??? what the f*** do you expect a horny 16 y/o to do? idiot

Answer 13

That is actually pretty normal.  Most kids these days start up around 15-16 and never stop.  

I think the problem is you still view him as a baby, and not someone who is capable of making good descisions.  Of course, you are right since few teens are smart enough to see the big picture.  Anyway, it sounds like they are responsible.

Let 'em have their privacy.

Answer 14

Ok, Sorry to be blunt, I understand your concern but he is 16 and he will have s*x with her if he wants to. The problem is that you are letting he and his girlfriend be alone in his room for however long. The rule when I was in high school is that we werent alone in my room.. after my mom got to know my boyfriend and we had been together for a year or so, she let us but only with the door open. She told me that she knew we were pry having or going to be having s*x soon and she understood. It is naive to think otherwise.. that is why she made sure I was on birthcontrol and talked to me about condoms and stuff at a young age. I started birth control when I was 16.

He's going to have s*x if that is what he wants to do. He'll do it at her house, in school, in a car.. he will do it. But it's understandable that he just doesn't do it whenever he feels like it and in your home. You have to set ground rules but you also must be real about the situation. His hormones and her's are going crazy. Sixteen is an average age to start having s*x. Don't make him feel like what he is doing is wrong.. just educate him on how to not get her pregnant and not get an std.

Answer 15

What were you fighting about? The fact that he had s*x? The fact you caught him?

You need to sit him down and talk to him. He is 16, old enough in my opinion to be sexually active, as long as he is careful (which sounds like he was)

Answer 16

You really don't need to talk much, just say to your son you caught in the act, one question? When are you and Sarah getting married?That will get him to talking! Asking you what do you mean? Then you explain that if Sarah is pregnant(and he'll jump to correct you  about the condom that he used, you can tell condoms are 50%  safe,50% not safe, because there was a study on condoms (various kinds), that they all ripped under pressure, so she could be with child, and if she is the boy needs to set up a date for a wedding! The girl will start talking as well, probably scared but that's ok because 1 second of pleasure may have ruined alot of lives,you couldask both of them was it worth it?

Answer 17

I think you need to be the adult in this and sit him down.  Apologise for over reacting (which I'm afraid it was - he's 16 for God's sake - of course he's going to have s*x if he can!) and explain that your reaction was just due to worry.

Tell him you love him very much and that you're proud that if he's going to be sexually active that at least he's being responsible about it.  Plenty of boys are not.

remember, he's only on the cusp of being an adult.  Much of him is still a child who needs to know that his parents love him.

Answer 18

I think the most you should be fighting about is the respect issue, with him having s*x in your house underage..... You know what I mean?

There's no need to be angry with him for having s*x at all.  It's just the area issue.  A child cannot hold a grudge against their parents for their entire lives.... most of the time atleast, if they've got a good head on their shoulders.

I'm a child (an intelligent one) and my mom is extremely open with me.  I would talk to him... Look at your sons perspective.  Maybe he's embaressed and that's why he won't talk to you.  I'd do the same thing... One way or another though things are going to even out if you had any type of relationship before this and things will get back to normal.

good luck!

Answer 19

At least he used a condom on . you need to tell him that you are proud of him for using his brain. Then you need to ask him if Miss Sarah is on birth control??? treat him like he is grown. Because  he thinks he is at this age... and then you need to tell him that if he wants to do this then you need to know if Miss Sarah is going to be coming over while you are gone... COME ON he is 16... I remember what its like being 16 and I was living on my own at that age.... so be grateful he was thinking before he had s*x................ cus we all know you didn't give him the condom!!!!!!!!!!! which you should have!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 20

Your son was way too embarrassed when you caught him. The most important thing NOT to do is fight with him about it or show any kind of reaction, Thinking about or having s*x at that age is unfortunately normal and you have upset him by getting caught by his parents. You need to talk to him in a calm manner instead of fighting. I know you are shocked that her parents are ok with this, but what can you really do? they are going to do it anyway. Just tell your son that you are sorry you caught them and that you wish that he not do that in your home and you know having s*x is not a sin that only you are just worried about him and care allot to prevent him from becoming a father at a young age. You have got to understand what he may be going through and BE understanding or else you could loose your son and as a mother of 4 grown men, I could not handle that. Once he feels that you do understand he will feel much better being able to talk to you. Have a talk with both of them and be sure to give the hugs and the "i love you" thing. I wish you luck!

Answer 21

in my opinion he is old enough to have s*x.

Answer 22

Your son is a teenager....as much as you may dislike it,  he's 16 and growing up, he has HAD s*x...you won't STOP this behavior all you can hope to do NOW is CONTAIN it...talk to to him about RESPECTING your home, if you don't want him having s*x in your house tell him to take it elsewhere. LET him KNOW you do not approve BUT if he is going to have s*x at least you know he IS being responsible (condom wrapper on his nightstand) let him know you are glad he is being CAUTIOUS...Talk to your SON...BE SUPPORTIVE, even if you don't agree with his decision.

Answer 23

You really need to try to speak to him or maybe you should try to talk to sarah?

and let her persuade him to talk to you.

hope everything goes ok,

good luck

x

Answer 24

First of all I would like to say that hormones are not a blanket excuse to do whatever you feel like.  Boys can control their hormones even at 16. It may be difficult, but it is doable. My mom raised 4 kids (2 boys and 2 girls) none of which would dare have s*x in the house. There is a parental respect issue going on here. Not only are there health and baby issues going on here (God forbid they run out of condoms and Sarah forget her pill), but s*x having s*x so early creates so many emotional problems that should have to be dealt with while still in high school. I'm just saying there is a reason so many teens are on here saying "Am I pregnant?" and "I think I might be pregnant but me and my boyfriend broke up". There are teenage girls where I work who swear up and down that they are using protection and then miss their cycle by a day or so and are saying that they really didn't use protection and think they should get a pregnancy test. I know from talking to them that their parents either don't care or don't know.

I would lay down some ground rules and be sure that your other kids know them as well. Know where your son is for sure at all times. If he says he's going over to a friend's house, call the friend's parents and make sure he is really there. Know his work schedule if he has one. If he breaks the rules, have severe consequences. He needs to earn your trust back. He already thinks he can get away with whatever he wants. He needs to know that this is not true. Tough love is appropriate here because he is putting his health and his future in danger.

Answer 25

Well.........you are his parents.  You need to sit him down and talk about what happened.  Put your foot down and explain to him that you will NOT allow this type of behavior in your home.  If you are still concerned, forbid him from going out at night until he can respect your rules.

If he refuses to listen, you can always remind him that Sarah's parents haven't been informed of this!!!  That might get him to listen.

Answer 26

Your son is 16 and almost an adult.  What you need to be doing now is speaking with your son about the risks of s*x this young, and how to be responsible and to protect himself and his partner.

You need to accept that your son is making adult decisions.  Now is the time you need to speak with him and make amends.  If you become an understanding parent it will be much easier to talk to him.

Apparently this girls parents understand the situation, and don't care what their religion says as long as their daughter is protecting herself.  

Times have changed and being responsible is what you want your son to be  (since he has already had s*x).  Heritage or Religion no longer have ANY role to play in this.

I am Irish and I am on Birth Control.  I want to protect myself.  Its about being responsible and not sticking to a religion.

Talk to your son calmly.  Try and reach a compromise.  If you talk to him he may be a lot more understanding and willing to reach a compromise if you are.  It may surprise you.

Answer 27

Well, can you blame him? He's a 16 year old kid, with raging hormones, and jacking off can probably get pretty tedious.

It doesn't matter if Sarah's parents are okay with it, you're not Sarah's parents and they're entitled to their own opinion as well as you.

He's also probably very embarrassed about the whole situation, so don't keep reminding him. He's almost a man and he has to make his own decisions.

And so what if she's Irish.

Plus, at least he's being responsible about it and using a condom!

Answer 28

and the question is?