I caught my wife cheating?

Question

I found out today that my wife is cheating on me. I logged into her email and discovered letters describing everything they've done.

He works with her and is her best friend (how dumb can I be?). It's been going since before his wedding last year and ours in January. He is also married and has a 4 month old son.

How do I confront her?

Should I tell his wife?

Should I confront him?

Should I tell her I logged into her email and found the letters?

I really love her and I want to make it work. Please help!

Answer 1

Run

Answer 2

my husband cheated on me and i will tell you.

1.Yes confront her but don't do it to make her super mad or accuse her make it so she thinks its her telling you.

2.Don't tell his wife it is for him to do.

3.Yes confront him and tell him you know and would appreciate it if he left you're family alone.

4.she needs to know how you found out so let her know you went through her email that is how we just busted my ex son in law for a bunch of lies he said i have nothing to hide and there it was in black and white.

I love my husband and forgave him for what he Had done and know we have been together for 26 years... good luck

Answer 3

go to the workplace, walk in find the guy and with no questions ask knock his butt out right there  

Answer 4

I'm ALWAYS amazed. . . .I mean. . . .R-E-A-L-L-Y AMAZED when I read about someone who has caught their SPOUSE cheating and then. . . .GEEZ-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z. . . . . . .STILL LOVES THEM AND WANTS TO MAKE IT . . . . . .WORK?????????????  Whenever I read something like that . . . . . .it reminds me WHY the person was cheated on !!!!!!!!!!!!   NO SELF-RESPECTING ADULT OUT THERE WOULD PUT UP WITH SH*T LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!   NO ONE !!!!!!!!!  

I WOULDN'T confront her.  I WOULDN'T tell his wife.  I WOULDN'T confront him.  I WOULDN'T tell her you logged into her email.  And. . . .I WOULDN'T love her any more. . . .or. . .at the very least. . .want to make it W-O-R-K?!?

I'D KICK HER SORRY A$$ TO THE FREAK'N CURB. . . .PACK MY SORRY A$$ CLOTHES. . . .AND GET MY OWN SORRY A$$ OUT OF THE SORRY-A$$ED HOUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   AND I WOULD FORGET ABOUT HER IN A FREAK'N HEARTBEAT!

SCR*W THAT SH*T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Seems to me that you have serious questions to ask your wife...How could you NOT confront her..or are you alittle afraid to confront her...Get a backbone and sit down and have a "talk" with her..I would definetly see where the relationship is going, esp. since you haven't been married that long...She needs to get another job..I would insist!!

Answer 6

well, you can't pretend that nothing has happened, or that you don't know.  I'm sure once you tell her you know, she's going to figure that you were into her email.  When you confront her be prepared for her to deny it.  Then you tell her that you've seen the emails.  I would tell his wife.  Wouldn't you want his wife to tell you if she found out before you did?

You say you love her & want to make it work.  Is it really worth it?  She betrayed you, broke her vows that she made to you - before God.  It would take a lot for you to be able to get past this betrayal.

Answer 7

Dont tell her you know already. Come up and ask her " Honestly have you ever stepped of this marriage? If I dont get the answer im looking for were done." And wait for her response if she wants to make it work like you do then shell be honest. If she lies then I would drop her.  Its not worth it.NEVER tell her how you found out. It will make you look like a distrusting husband. And i would suggest not confronting the guy right now, Dont compound your promblems

Answer 8

Print out the emails before you tell her!!  Trust me.  You'll want them.  B/c if/when she denies it, you're going to want the proof.

Then... ask her... you must have had some suspicion of something if you were in her email... so just ask like you don't know.  See how she responds.  Then if she lies, which she will, tell her you know she's lying and walk out the door.  Stay gone for a few hours and let her stir.  When you come back lets see if she'll tell you then.  If not, then you can either tell her you have proof and show her... then go from there how you want... or you can tell her you have proof and that you're moving out.

Trust is a delicate thing.  And, once you confront her, it becomes your issue.  B/c you're going to be the one w/ the problem from that point on... dealing with being able to trust her.   And, will you ever be able to?  I, myself, would have a very difficult time and am not so sure I'd want to go through it.

Answer 9

Even though you love her you cannot remain as if nothing has happened. You need to confront her and get to the root of her reasons for cheating. She entered the marriage cheating indicates she did not take her vows seriously to begin with. Women who have affairs with their boss usually do so from the admiration they have of their power. Men who have affairs with their employee usually do so for the need to be admired. There is a connection that drew them both together. Either way, it is wrong and even more so for her and him to enter into marriages with other people added to the deceitfulness they were committing. Of course confront her, otherwise your marriage will remain in a state of betrayal. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

I would just foward those emails to his wife.  Pack your stuff and just leave.  It's not worth it trust me I know.  You will never trust her again.

Answer 11

Present her with the letters. Above all do not be aggressive, angry or accusatory. None of that will do you any good because you caught her with her pants down...literally. There's no sense aggravating the situation when you already know the truth.

If she goes on the offensive (and she probably will immediately) keep your cool and listen to her and answer her in a calm and civil tone. You tell her that it's obvious there are issues that you and she need to address. That at this point you're hurt and feel betrayed but rather than act juvenile over this you promised to remain cool and hear her out.

Ask her if she loves you and just why she did this. Specifically what is missing in your relationship that drew her to this one. From that point on you should be able to get a feeling from her if she wants to work on keeping things together.

It'll take a long, long time to have that trust regained. And it'll never be as intact as it once was but time will help. That and a lot of effort on her part.

As far as confronting him and telling his wife? I say hold off on that. Confronting him may lead to something you'd regret later and telling his wife serves no purpose. The issue is between you and your wife right now. That will take every ounce of your time and effort to work on. You don't need distractions with other people's lives right now.

Good luck Mac. It's going to be a long, hard road ahead and you both will have to come to some terms of agreement. Browbeating her or constantly tossing this in her face will only make things worse. She just has to know that you're a decent enough man to forgive....but she's placed you in a situation that you can never forget. And again...tell her you aren't one to constantly remind her of her transgression and be mean about it but that she needs to work at making you feel comfortable with her again and build up that trust between you.

Answer 12

i think it depends whether you love her unconditionally? but will your love change her? the only way to find this is just ask her if she's cheating? if she says no I'm not.... then she ain't going to change. Also ask yourself WHY is she cheating? don't tell his wife that's there issue, you have yours. don't confront him cause you might lose your cool.  

Answer 13

Go f**k the other guy up, and tell his wife

Answer 14

I am so sorry!  I've been through this and it is extremely painful.  There is really nothing no one can say that is going to make you feel better.  You are going to go through so many different mixed emotions.  There will be times you resent her, sometimes you may actually feel you hate her for what she has done to you and your marriage.  Then there will be times that you will actually smother her and want to be so close just to make sure she doesn't do it again.  I know you didn't ask for this answer, so to answer your question:

You have to just tell her, "We need to talk".  Then you tell her the truth, that you logged into her email and tell her exactly what you found.  It may even help to print the letters and save a copy for yourself.  As for confronting his wife, that is entirely up to you, but, why hurt another innocent person.  You know how you feel about this, so do you really want another innocent person hurt as well?  Again, it is up to you, whatever makes you feel better.  Confronting him, I'm sure that would make you feel somewhat better, but only momentarily.  But if you really want your marriage to work, you have to ask yourself, why did she do this?  Are there problems at home that has made her turn to someone else?  If so, you need to work on them.  If not, then ask her why?  I would definitely tell her to find another job or transfer or something.  I can tell you this, it will be a long time before you trust her again.  And this is something you will never forget.  But you have to ask yourself this question, can you forgive her?  You have to be willing to forgive her if it is going to work.  And do not listen to what others may say, if others know.  People are going to give their opinions, but this is your life.  This is your marriage.  You have every right to make it work if that's what you want.  I've been there, I know exactly how you feel.  I wish you the very best.  Feel free to email if you need someone to talk to.  Good Luck!

Answer 15

There is no point in breaking up another marriage. Confront your own wife only, tell her you are leaving her and if she wants you back she better figure out ways of making it up to you but I don't think that will ever be possible. Good luck.

Answer 16

You know i must say that you have every right to show his wife and I would show her first and then confront your own.

Answer 17

All kinds of people will tell you to leave her.  But before you make such a hasty decision to leave your marriage, you need ot think about some things.

If you want to make things work with her, you first have to find out if she wants to make it work with you.

You have to sit her down and ask her if she has anything to tell you.  Make sure you are in a calm state before you do this.  This is important.  She will probably say no, even if you press.  There is no way for you to confront her without telling her you logged into her email.  Be ready for her to be angry that you did that.  Her privacy will feel violated.  I know you are probably saying that she has no right to feel violated but I am just telling you what she will probably say.

After you tell her, you need to remember to stay calm and ask her if she wants to make this work with you.  If she says yes, there are steps that must be taken.  You may have to go to counseling, have open discussions, etc.  Overall, you must be honest with your feelings and keep the lines of communication open.

Telling his wife will do nothing.  That would be just you getting revenge against him and in the end, his marriage is no business of yours.  But I do agree that you may need to talk to him (try to do it without anger) since he and your wife work together and them leaving their jobs is probably not an option.  The talk should probably take place between the three of you after you and her have talked about some things.

You will continue to have doubts and you will have problems trusting her but if this is what you want, both of you can work toward it and still have a happy marriage in spite of this.

Answer 18

Ask her point blank if she's cheating on you. When she denies it, call her a lying disease infested S****y S****y trashbag ho.

Yes.

If you want to. I'm sure his wife will be giving him h**l once you show her the emails.

Yes. You'll need a reason for calling her a lying disease infested S****y S****y trashbag ho.

You want to make it work? Maybe leave out the disease infested S****y S****y trashbag part and seek counseling.

Answer 19

First you should confront your wife, and have proof of the letters to show her.. she owes you an explanation to why she cheated and why she continues to do so...his wife deserves one too, maybe your wife should go tell her to her face.

then if you still want to make it work, goto marriage counseling... an affair is hard to overcome but some people can do it if they really want their marriage to last. and if you really want to make it work.. she has to say goodbye to her bestfriend/boyfriend!!!! that is a must

Answer 20

She has been cheating on you for a long time and playing you for a fool. Why would you want her? I understand you love her, but wanting her is what I can't figure out. This has been going on for some time now and obviously she has no remorse about it. One time understandable, I could almost forgive that one over time but an ongoing thing. Can you just move on and forget that? I would confront her. She needs to know that you know and I would tell her a.s.a.p. And yes, his wife needs to know and I would make sure that she knew what she was married to. They should neither one of them be able to walk away this easily after doing this to either of you.As far as telling her that you logged in to her emails, well she is going want to know how you knew about this. However, if I was crazy enough to want to stay I would leave the email thing alone so she would not change her password for later, keeping that available to me so I could spy and I dam well would spy. She already threw that trust out the window.  

Answer 21

If you love her and want it to work you should be as non confrontational as you can.  I would tell her you know she is having an affair.  Do this when you are not feeling angry.  Try to find out why she felt it necessary to have an affair.  Whatever her reasons, see if you can help her with them or meet whatever unmet needs she has.

Don't tell his wife.  He should do it.  Especially since they have a four month old son.  She's doesn't need bad news now.

You might confront him.  If you are very angry, maybe do it by phone or in a place where you are sure you won't be tempted to be violent.  Your goal here should be to get him to want to stop seeing your wife so he can repair his marriage and you can too.  An appeal to his morality might work.

I would only tell her how you found out if she asks.  I'm not sure about this last piece of advice, but, I might be tempted to print out or save copies of the e-mail.

Answer 22

Take the proof to the other wife and give her copies of everything .

Then , get rid of your women .

Separate from her and find someone decent . she will never think of

you as her number one , just as a man that she can s***w over .

Answer 23

Not ur job to tell his wife. Talk to ur wife and tell her what you found, and if she seems remorseful then you can decide if you want to give her a second chance. I would call the guy too and tell him you did not appreciate what was going on(since you know him already). There's a chance ur wife mights say they plan on being together and if that's the case then go ahead and call the wife. GOOD LUCK

Answer 24

ha ha ha ha ha !!! Does that surprise you? You knew they were an Item before he married her and we were in love . What makes you think he stopped loving me ? What makes you think it was over for me ?. It wasn't over for me . And ..I'm not your wife .You know how I feel about him. You were his roommate and we had fun as friends and that is it .  He was always with us .I hope you didn't tell him different to make him upset! By the way he wasn't my official husband although he could have ben in time! It was just wrong timing thats all. We have the rest of our lives to settle this!

Answer 25

I think you should surly confront her! cheating is lame there is no reason for her to play games with you. i think you should tell her that you did log on, because if you want her to be honest with you you have to be honest with her. i wouldnt do no confronting at her work, but you and your wife should get this worked out on your own like adults no fighting with the other guy because if anything this will only cause more problems!!!!! good luck to you

Answer 26

You are such a great husband for still caring how she'd feel once you confront her and even hesitates to just because you love her and still want to make things work. I feel so sorry for you but yes i guess you should talk to her about that, better than leaving everything as it is. But in my opinion i think you're really better off with someone who cares for you enough not to hurt you like that.

Answer 27

not 2 sure im going through the ringger also check out my ? good luck my dude

Answer 28

Yes, confront her about it but if she says that she didn't do it, tell her that U saw the e-mails. Tell his wife too and I think y'all should get a divorce. Its been going on 4 2 long. U can love her, but U can still love her from a distance.