I changed my mind at the last minute when my family wanted to adopt my twins.?

Question

Now, i realize that with my biplolar, i was in a very vulnerable position. the papers were signed to an agency, there has been no hearing, and the father had specifically said, that as long as i am comfortable with the family and it is not my family, then he is okay with it. they lied to him. and did not tell him who they were going to 3 days after the birth, without even talking to social servvices, without the adoption even being finalized, they took them to south dakota where they were cuurrently living in a motel, and now they live in a small home, and they are struggling financially. the major issue is that they said they would involve me in their lives, they have not, and they have decieved me and i feel uncomfortable about the situation, now understanding the major manipulation and unsupportive family i have. i would like to place them in a family near to colorado, denver where i live where i can be involved in their lives. i wonder if the adoption was legal, i feel manipulated

Answer 1

You could get social services involved. But I would be careful about switching this baby from family to family. What happens when you all the sudden don't like what the next family is doing and then the next family...

I would get your bi polar disorder under control and let the professionals deal with this.

Answer 2

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that "financial stability" does not ensure that adoptive parents are good parents.  And as for the bipolar, I have it too, but it's treated and I'm fully functional, which makes working easier and raising children more enjoyable.  Mental illness does not disqualify a person from parenting, unless it is not controled and the children suffer as a result.

I was adopted and my home life was horrible.  When I finally met my birthparents, I realized that life with them would have been far preferable, even with less economic "security" than my adoptive parents were capable (but certainly not willing) to provide.  There is usually no psych test before the placement, and it's not that hard to pass home checks, so there is no guarantee that the parents are better equipped to handle the burden than you are.  

That said, I've met some wonderful people who are adoptive parents and they put their heart and soul into their kids.  I can understand why the adoptive parents in your case may not want to have a lot of contact.  It's hard for the child to accept having different sets of parents at the same time.

Good luck, with whatever decision you make.  Remember to think positively and don't get down on yourself.  Bipolar does not make you worthless, a bad parent, or anything else, so long as you recognize it and deal with it on a day to day basis.

Answer 3

okay well i dont know what state you are in but here in oregon there is a place called st Andrews legal advice and for twenty dollars ( cheap because they help people who have no money) they will give you legal advice and hopefully point you in the direction you need to go.  And what in the world were you thinking... you needed to make very certain were you're babies are going thats why adoption agencies are so nice because they have done deep investigations into the lives of people who wish to adopt and they also have families who will allow some sort of contact with you.  Good for you for wanted to give your babies better but you need to have help in the process i think.  Best of luck.

Answer 4

Bipolar is managable. I think this issue is why did you give up your children if you still want to have a part in there lives?

If they left before the adoption was finalised, then its not legal, so you can take them to court. Its unfortunate that they decieved you like this, however there rights as adopted parents is to move wherever they chose.

Goodluck.

Answer 5

the adoptive family is living in a motel?

No way would I give custody to someone who can't support themselves.

Answer 6

Hmmmm

This is your profile

About me:  I am my dads daughter, and I am believing who I am more each day. I am currently in a prison camp where my family has a farm. It is not really a prison, but I have had false beliefs about who I am, and who God is, so I have been naively believing that the way to freedom, is to adopt their ways, and follow the God they believe in. Now that I have reconnected with my dad after 15 years or so, I am seeing what lies and traps my family has ensnared me into. My life is a story of the power of prayer, compassion, grace, and wisdom. I am so excited to live, and to walk in the truth. I am a true story of Gods love. He has poured onto my life infinite wisdom and love, and healing. I believe someday I will learn to be a healing balm for others.

Hmmmm I am not sure whether to believe you or not ?

But giving you the benefit of the doubt if the adoption isnt final then you are still legally their parent

If you can show that YOU can SUPPORT The twins pyshcially, emotionally, mentally and financially then they have no case to keep them

BUT if you have mental problems with no support then I am afraid they may not allow you to have them back.

Get a Lawyer and go go Social Services and get your Doctor to check you and your bipolar

Also to the rude person who spoke of bioploar, there are plenty of people who have bipolar and other mental illnesses that go on to parent and lead very happy and successful lives by support and medication

Answer 7

It is not easy to fully understand everything about the situation that you describe, so it can be tricky to give solid applicable advice.

Firstly, when you say 'the papers were signed to an agency', I am wondering exactly what 'papers' you are speaking of. If it was done without speaking to social services, was this done legally? You say that the adoption was not finalised - what in your view has not been finalised, what has been done and what hasn't?

You say 'they took them to south dakota', but it is not clear who the 'they' happens to be in this case. There is a hint that it might be some couple who are a part of your extended family, but this is a bit of a guess since you are not specific.

How do you know that 'they' (and it is important to know who 'they' are) were living in a motel and then moved to a small home and are struggling financially? What information is being given to you and how are you keeping up to date with progress or conditions?

Once again, you refer to this mysterious 'they' when you say 'they have deceived me'. Is this again some part of your family, or are you saying the adoption agency deceived you, or some other party, it is simply not clear to whom you refer?

You are not clear about the reasons that your children were put up for adoption. You have mentioned to me in the past that you have more than two, and that they do not live with you, so are all your children adopted or with members of your extended family, or in some cases with their father(s)? There is a lot of background stuff that seems to be relevant but which you are not spelling out when asking specific questions here.

I have answered a number of your questions and written various emails, but I am feeling increasingly that your situation may well be hampered by an ongoing mental condition over which you have no control or of which you seem to perhaps have very little cognisance. You mention bipolarity, but is it possible that there are other conditions here that you are not admitting, or possibly are not able to admit.

It seems that you are in some kind of strange self imposed exile where you have given up control of your life to others since you have previously stated that you asked to go and live with your family on a remote farm at a very reduced income, and yet you seem to constantly rail at the so called externally imposed conditions. There are all kinds of anomalies in your various accounts of circumstances, conditions, offspring, debt and legal obligations. I am not trying to undermine you, but the more I read of your questions here, the more I am concerned that you are not being either completely honest about all your circumstances or you are not fully capable of running your life independently due to some prevailing mental condition.

Answer 8

I am sorry that this has happened to you. These babies need stability and I question you getting them back just to place them with another family. If this people are struggling finically how were they even approved to adopt? Certainly PAP doesn’t have to be rich but should be able to provide the basics with out struggling to do so. They were living in a motel when they applied to adopt? I find it hard to believe they would be approved even if they are your kin.  A bit hard to involve you in their life’s when you aren’t even in the same town or state as them. If their as financially unwell as you claim then they certainly can’t afford to bring you out there or come to see you. They can probably barely afford diapers and formula.

Answer 9

You answered it yourself....you are Bipolar.  Even your ? was rambling.  I hope your baby is not with you, it is not safe for your precious child to be with someone so unstable. Please, if you have your baby go straight to the hospital and leave him/her there!  If you are just some freak looking for attention...it is people like you that should never be allowed in society.

Answer 10

first of all...many aparents are bi-polar...so that's mute. and BPD is very treatable. besides, you'd be surprised how many women experience post-partum depression or "post-adoption depression." also i think it's completely wrong for someone to just grab a kid and run. the paranoia and disrespect shown to some fmoms is ridiculous.

secondly, if you feel the least bit of reticence about this placement DON'T DO IT.

you owe nobody a kid.

but...i must agree with jane...your profile is a bit suspect.

Answer 11

you do have a month to decide if thats what you want

go to a lawyer and find out if you can get them back you should be able to if your uncomftorable with the whole situation

they are your flesh and blood and should be living good not in a small house