I cheated way back but it hasn't been forgotten?

Question

I cheated on my ex fiance with my now husband for over a year. That was over 4 years ago. My now husband knew about it but I kept it a secret from my then fiance, obviously. Well, my husband won me over and after that year, I dumped my fiance and married him.

Tonight I was chatting online with a guy friend from a long time ago out in Colorado. I am in Virginia and my husband asked who I was talking to like he was suspicious. Then he said "are you looking for a replacement like you did with me on (insert ex fiance's name here). I thought he was joking but he looked sad. I was crushed. Will this follow me forever? :(

Answer 1

The thoughts that he voiced are the thoughts that is with him all the time. He knows that you are capable of doing just that obviously because he's experienced it first hand. When you realize that someone can be untrustworthy...it's a hard thing to put out of your head !! I would say that he probably thinks about it more than he says.

Answer 2

Sadly, yes. Your husband probably figures if you did it to someone else, you might do  it to him too. What I don't lile is that you are talking to other guys. What for? Even if they are old friends, it's not cool. There is no need for it.  If your husband is feeling insecure, it is up to you to make him feel better.  You are obviously capable of cheating and dishonesty. I wouldn't trust you either. If you had a terrific relationship, your husband wouldn't be insecure about how you feel for him.  You need to discuss this with him...seriously.

Answer 3

Maybe! You can't blame him he is just a little bit scared you two did cheat on someone so he is scared that there is a chance that you will do the same thing to him.Now I would stop chatting with boys until He cools down then talk to him about it ,if it is okey for you to make friends with guys. Good luck. Remember HE is your LOVE!

Answer 4

First question?

Why in the heck were you chatting with the other guy anyway...?

What is so INADEQUATE in yourself that you would even entertain someone else with such a great relationship that you have....

Get with it...doll face....

There is some type of ego thing going on there...

Why do you have to be so personal and keep in TOUCH with the old flames or whatever....

If you communicate with old friends...let it BE IN FRONT OF AND WITH YOUR HUSBAND...NOTHING HIDDEN....NOTHING SECRET....AND NOTHING FLIRTY....TO HURT HIM......

GET REAL.......YOU NEED EXAMINE YOURSELF.....AND REALLY...GET IT STRAIGHT WITH YOURSELF FIRST WHAT YOU REALLY WANT........AND THEN WITH YOUR HUSBAND.......

IT TAKES 2 TO CLAP....AND TAKES 2 TO PARTICIPATE IN AN AFFAIR....THERE ARE ...NEVER...ANY ACCIDENTS.......IT TAKES THE COOPERATION .....OF BOTH.......

Answer 5

It depends on the kind of man you married.

Talk it out. Ask him what he needs from you to prove to him that you are faithful to him & do it. You made the mistake & you get to fix it.

Answer 6

You have a little work to do.  Every guy is a little insecure.  Since he knows you were stepping out on an old boyfriend there is a seed of doubt that has the potential to grow.

Your online chat with "Harley Hair-chest" from Colorado is pouring water on that seed. Knock this c**p off for one thing.

You need to reinforce for him that he is your one and only.  How you do it is up to you, but you better make sure he knows that all other men are as dust under your feet, and he is your world.;

'nuff said.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, I would be wary of you too. Don't take it personally- I just wanted to tell you the truth.  

Answer 8

relationships borne of deceit never flourish

Answer 9

Big Tip:

Stop talking to "guy friends" and spend that time with your husband.

Even though some will not admit it, no guy likes his spouse talking to another man.  

Would you want him talking to one of his "girl friends"?

Answer 10

Yes.  If that's how your relationship started, he has reason to believe that's how it'll end.

Answer 11

It's a trust issue that might not ever go away. If he knows that you'll do that with him, what would make him think that you wouldn't do that to him. The relationship may me great but subconciously he will never forget it even if he doesn't ever say anything about it ever again...it will haunt ya'lls relationship for a long time, until maybe one day he will see that you really do love him and are completely devoted to him...

Answer 12

Sounds to me that both of you are still harboring some guilt and cheating is something that is very hard to escape no matter how many years it has been due to the old " once a cheater always a cheater". It is also hard on a guy to accept that you, being a woman, have male friends especially if he is not feeling up to snuff for some reason or the other. I realize bringing up the cheating is probably like beating a dead horse, but maybe you need to and reassure him that you do love him and you know what or how you got together was wrong but he didn't make it feel so wrong. Do you see what I am trying to tell you, every once in awhile, no matter, the past does come up and you may have to work through it one more time. Try to stay away from people you use to know, even if it is just on line, for some reason things like that stir up the past also even know there is nothing really wrong with having old friends.

Answer 13

Just have an honest talk with your husband and tell him how much you love him and assure him that he is the only man you want to be with..

Answer 14

Not trying to be mean or disrespectful but when you start your relationship on a lie...it continues to grow until you want to come clean...you can't build a relationship and /or future on a lie. If you relationship was/is so perfect you need to sit your husband down and have a serious talk .Because until then it could follow you forever or take you to a place where you don't want to go ...like divorce.

He might always feel there is not 100% trust in your relationship.  

Answer 15

he hasn't forgiven himself

Answer 16

It may. My husband cheated over 2 years ago and it still hurts badly. There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it and wonder. I have forgiven my husband but I can't forget. He has been the perfect husband since, but the thought of me not being enough or him loving me as much as I love him is still there. You broke a huge trust, give him time and be sure to let him know how you feel. How much time I have no idea.....probably many years.  

Answer 17

Tell him that you are not and explain to him what you were doing and encourage him and let him know that you love him. Sometimes spouses need to know a little extra that we love them.