I could KILL my mom!!! GAAAAAAAHHH?

Question

OK, so heres the story, my mom has been dating this new dude for like what... 2 or 3 weeks now? anyways, now hes spending the night!!! theyre in her room and im sooo mad i could KILL THEM!! its like OK, mom... anyways i got in an argument with her and shes like 'who the h**l do you thin k you are??' and im like 'i dont know... do you know who YOU are??' shes like 'im your mother' and im like 'well, youre sure as h**l not ACTING like a mother' anyways... i know i was wrong but seriously, i really dont think she should have hm here!! what do you think?

Answer 1

Your mother is a grown woman and can make her own choices.  As long as he's a good guy to her, it shouldn't matter.  She deserves to be happy with her boyfriend just as much as any other consenting adult.

Answer 2

First, she IS your Mother, granted she is behaving like a s**t. There is NOTHING you can do. he house, her rules. I'm sorry for you but not much you can do right now.

Answer 3

letting a male in her room after just 2 -3 weeks and letting your kids no - nup not good. You shouldnt have been cheeky, but i can understand why u were. chin up.

Answer 4

well your mother is grown and your not going to stop her but i understand why your mad. but you just have to get over it.like i did

Answer 5

umm sit with her and tell her how you feel. dont fight. just be honest

Answer 6

I seriously know what you're feeling right now.

And I know it sucks b i g time.

But i doubt they're going to get into anything serious

since she knows its not "okay" with you.

I think you should have a CALM conversation with her one day and just tell her how you feel about the situation.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

you should apoligize to her and be happy for her

Answer 8

well. you obviously dont really want to harm your mother. she did give you life.

tell her you're uncomfortable with her bf staying the night.

talk it out.

you'll be glad you did.:)

Answer 9

Well,I totally AGREE with you. You are a well-grounded young woman! You are right - 2 or 3 weeks and spending the night is not cool. She should also be 'modeling' the right behavior for you to follow; she's the leader, you are the learner, but sounds like tonight you reversed roles. Now, here is something to consider - you Mother may not make the best choices when it comes to men. You need to sit back and analyze what you've been able to witness you mother do. It may not be so pleasant and then on  the other hand it may be. Maybe this is her FIRST time doing this, so okay, she did something impulsive without thinking.

However, I do agree that in the days of HIV and AIDS, it so important to know who and what you are dealing with and more importantly in this day of whackos - do you watch the news; more and more women are being killed by their lovers and spouses so we need to take it carefully with men and people we do not really know.

I think right now is not the time to confront your mother. She might feel backed into a corner and she may be like a trapped dog and react and say something you both don't want said; remember he's there and she's playing the 'little miss'. You go to bed and give her some space for tonight.

However tomorrow I do believe you should find a quiet moment when you two are alone to confront her. I believe you need to really sit down and think it over. Don't speak from emotion. You are young, so you might think this is crazy, BUT it is true - we show more authority and more adult behavior when we THINK through what we want to say before we have a sit down meeting. So that means that you need to take a sheet of paper and outline 5 or 6 points that you want to make to your Mother tomorrow. You don't want to get into a screaming match or a fight. You also don't want to get off on a road where you don't want to go. Don't bring up the past, just stick to the point.

You might write your points down and take it with you on a little sheet and here is what I would say:

"Mom can I talk to you for a minute." Remember keep your voice down; don't be confrontational and disrespectful. My mohter always taught me that it was not what you say it's HOW you say it. so always be respectful and do NOT curse! I am almost 40 and I've NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER cursed my mother out (sure I've cursed her out in my head! but that doesn't count). I believe God blesses us when we are respectful to our parents - when we have children, he gives us back what we did - good or bad. So, becareful so you don't REAP what you sow.

So I'd tell her "I love you with all my heart. I want you to be happy and you deserrve the best. You deserve to be happy. But I am concerned that you just met this man and you don't really know him and I don't really know him. You are my mother and you are the adult and I know this is your house. But you are my Mother and I need you around as long as I can have you and I don't want you get hurt. I was hurt last night, not angry, just hurt that we both don't really know him and he's sleeping over. I think it's okay down the road, but I think we both need to get to know him better so that we are all comfortable.. ' Tell her "I am sorry about last night, I was not trying to tell you WHAT to do, I was only expressing my sadness that I think it was not the best thing we could do as two women who live here alone. It's just us and we need to be safe."

Wait to hear what she has to say. Maybe she will be rational. Maybe she will get angry. Be prepared either way. Adults can be just as immature as children; so she may be offended and remind you to stay in your 'place' and then again, she might be more mature about it and listen to your concerns. There is no woman who doesn't believe that 2 or 3 weeks is soon. I was a hot a** once and I had my share of s*x (I'm married 10 years now), and even I think 2 or 3 weeks is a bit soon for just meeting a stranger and having him sleep over.

This may be too old for you to understand and maybe its not my place to say, but alot of women are single for a reason. I don't where your father is and I don't care, but what I do know is that YOU are learning HOW to be a woman thorugh your Mother's example. Many women don't know how to be a wife because they've never seen it modeled or if they did it wasn't done well. Buit always remember YOU are not your MOTHER. Your mother might be a drug addict and a wild woman, but that's NOT you. You may never agree with your Mohter's life, but YOU can make your own choices. You do NOT have to walk in her shoes. You can be your own woman and one day you will. Your mom may be be lonely or this may be a pattern for your Mom. If this is a first time thing, then I'd speak to her and let it ago. Tell her that when you meet someone new and you want them to sleep over, then you would at least like to have them over a few times so you are comfortable going to sleep with a stranger around. Tell her its your home too and that you NEED to feel safe when you close your eyes. Tell you know that she has her own personal life and that you respect that, but that you deserve some respect even though you are a child. I think she'll understand. If this a pattern for your Mom, then you might have to accept that she is very 'fast' with men, which might explain why she can't keep one for long term; I don't know this for sure, but I'm throwing that out there. So, if she does this often then you may have to step back and accept that this is the way she chooses to express her sexuality and live her life...BUT that you can do better and that YOU will DO BETTER....

GOOD LUCK! KEEP THINKING...sounds like you are thinking straight!

Answer 10

I see your point in the argument and I understand that you aren't ready for this and you don't think she is either. But, your mom seems to be in love with this guy and it's not your place to tell her who you think she can date. You CAN tell her what you think of him and explain why you errupted (along with an apolohy), and this will help her to see it from your perspective. I think you should just talk to her and tell her what you feel and if he bothers you. Be sure to also look at this from her point of view as well, because there is two sides to every argument. Just be honest with her and try to put yourself in her shoes. It will help A LOT in the long run! Good luck :)

Answer 11

Your mother is still human.  Be gracious.  Make sure he is respecting her and you.  But give her her space.  You can't change her.

Answer 12

Although it royaly sucks,you have to consider your mom is probably NOT tryin to hurt you by doing this. There could be tons of reasons why she is having him spend the night already. Maybe its a security thing...she feels that you two are safer with a guy in the house....or maybe she just doesn't like the thought of being alone(not saying that you aren't enough...I'm talkin about her having a guy in her life) Maybe they have been dating longer than just what you know about(the 2-3 weeks) or maybe she feels comfortable enough with him by now that she thinks its alright for him to stay over.

I know its uncomfortable but give your mom a break...try to see it from her point of view...or you can try talkin to her about it.Ask her why she is moving so fast with this guy. DON'T BE MEAN ABOUT IT! Just calmly talk it out with her...you'd be suprised hwo parents open up(just like children) when they think there is someone actually WILLING to listen.

Good Luck

Answer 13

I think if she meet him a couple of weeks ago.. i think its wrong for her to invite him over. But you shouldn't be mad at her tho'. Maybe she and her "hottie" ;likes to take things fast?

idk

Answer 14

well your mom is probly lonly and she needs someone to fill her effections. you should support she is your mom just try to sit down with her and talk

Answer 15

i say they should either wait till ur out of the house or go 2 a hotel room...or his house!!!!!!!!