I desperately need help with my 7 year old son, i am going insane?

Question

My son has a problem with his behavor and listening at the moment. i can not go shopping with him, he puts on a huge show if he does not get what he wants. he does not listen. he constantly yells at me. He is getting to the stage if he does not like the answers he is starting to lift his fists at me. I need help. i have booked and seen a child psychologist about him, thinking that maybe he has ADHD, but the said that he is normal, well if this is normal behavor then shoot me know, because I can not go on any longer at this rate. it is constantly fighting and bickering between us. I am getting to the point that I just have had enough, and no matter what I say to the doctors and no matter what he does, she seems to brush it all off as normal behavor. Please help. I am going insane!!'

Answer 1

Get a second opinion. You can try him on childrens fish oil tablets (from chemist) I watched a story on a current affair story about fish oil and it has helped a lot of kids. its worth a try.

Good luck

Answer 2

Whatever happened to spanking??

Answer 3

i wouldnt rush in to the ADHD thing nor the diet to control his moods. perhpas he jsut needs  a jolly good spanking and being told that his behaviour is unacceptable. do not give in to him at all. be strong and tell him if he carries on he is just making himself look silly. no one is looking at you just him but please be firm with him. chances are this behaviour is a roll on from childhood somewhere where he was able to do his own thing and get away with it or demand from you and you give in to him. no judgement on your parenting skills intended. i believe we alldo the best we can at the time. put him on a reward system and make him work for his treats. get him involved in the shopping duty in a positive way. suggest taht if he helps you and behaves nicely you can have an icecream or whatever when the shopping is done. bad behaviour equals no reward.  you need to sit down and explain to him that its ok to feel frustrated and angry but he should never lift his fists to anyone least of all his mother. try getting some stress balls to squeeze and get him to use them when he feels likehe needs to be violent. it may help. as far as the diet goes i would take out all the rubbish and then sit firm on what he eats. i wouldnt go too far with elimination diets and so on yet. the biggest secret is to be firm and consistent. get some help from your family or friends if need be to back you up or give you a break. as for your doctor i would seek another opinion. jsut hang in there. i know kids can be rough some times. good luck.

Answer 4

He needs to spend some quality time over your lap.

Answer 5

Hi hon.

we don't fight and bicker with our kids... we run the home, make the rules, and there is nothing to argue about...

if your child has a fit when you go shopping, it's probably not his fault... perhaps you have (innocently) bought him things in the past, and he EXPECTS something every time?  you are going to have to take him to the store eventually, so instead of taking him and waiting for him to have a fit, talk with him BEFORE you leave the house... let him know he will not be getting anything special, and is to behave appropriately.  also let him know there will be consequences if he acts out (and tell him what the punishment will be).  

if he does act out, keep your promise.

if he lifts his fists at you again, make sure there are consequences...

hon, we have to be consistent as parents, or they will try to run us.  i know how hard it is to repeat the same thing over and over.  i know the difficulty in sentencing a child to a punishment, and then sticking to the punishment... it's a lot of WORK!

your son really needs to know YOU are the adult, and parent... and that he has no control when it comes to rules because he does not make them!  YOU do.

has your family gone through a traumatic experience lately?  death? divorce? separation?  or has your son had something happen to him which could have caused this behavior?  maybe think about it.  if there has been something change in your lives, maybe that is his problem.

either way, if he were my child, he'd be in therapy.  there is some reason he is willfull and becomes angry with you to the point of raising his fists.  i do not believe it's your fault...

child psychologists are wonderful.  my son went to one after my divorce, and when his father was causing problems.  the psychologist did a wonderful job of "giving my son back to me"... he really helped my son learn to cope, and talked to him in a way he could understand.

i hope things work out.

Answer 6

hit him. dont abuse him but give him a good one. trust me he wont be traumatized or hate you.

Answer 7

Children learn to behave in terms of cause and reaction. I do this, and Mum will react in this way. Give him consequences for his bad behaviour. If you agree with smacking, then smack. If not, find other consequences. Take away his toys, ALL of his toys, and then make him 'earn'' back his toys as privelages. He has obviously been allowed to get away with this behaviour in the past. Don't let him get away with it any more. It sounds like he is the boss. You need to be the boss.

Answer 8

Well, from a psychological viewpoint, it sounds like your son suffers from SBS. This is a disorder that develops when inappropriate behaviors are somehow reinforced and rewarded in some way. At some point in his young life, "putting on a show" must have gotten him what he wanted more times than not. The same goes for not listening and yelling at you. Another alternative to how this behavior came about could have been through parental modeling. For example, he saw dad want to do something, mom said no, so dad yelled at mom and then dad was able to do what he wanted. Basically, this behavior comes from somewhere and since the child's entire world revolves around the parents, it came from the parents. Many parents do NOT like hearing this and hate to admit it even more. However, I would say that it is not a question of you being a "bad parent" but rather you did the best you could with the skills and knowledge you had at the time.

To correct the behavior you need to positively reinforce good behavior and give NO reinforcement of any kind for bad behavior. This is a very difficult concept for many parents (well, people in general) to understand, but negative reinforcement (eg. punishment) rarely accomplishes behavioral change. This does not mean you can't use consequences and enforce those consequences. In fact, that is preferred. How do those things differ? Let's use a story as an example.

Here is the setup:

Mom and little Johnny park the car in the driveway at the local Walmart. In the past, little Johnny has made horrible scenes and caused major problems when going shopping at Walmart unless he got some kind of toy.

Using negative reinforcement:

Mom and little Johnny enter the store and some toy is right there in front of the main doors on display. Little Johnny really wants this toy. Mom says no. Little Johnny grabs the toy and throws it in the cart. Mom puts it back. This goes on a few times and each time little Johnny is making more of a fuss. Starting to scream, hitting, etc. Mom finally snaps and says "we are leaving Johnny" and proceeds to drag him, kicking and screaming, out to the car. What this will not do is change little Johnny's behavior. Rather, it will become a power struggle and a constant pissing match between him and mom. That is why negative reinforcement doesn't do squat.

Using consequences:

Prior to going into the store, mom, in a calm but strict voice, tells little Johnny, "Johnny, if you cause any trouble, we are leaving the store immediately, do you understand?" Little Johnny says yes. Mom says "Okay, you say you understand, please tell me what I mean." Little Johnny will either demonstrate understanding, in which case they go into the store. Otherwise mom needs to continue to calmly explain what the consequences of his actions will be until he 'gets it.'

Lets assume he got it the first time. They go into the store. Little Johnny sees the toy and says he wants it. Mom says no. Johnny has a choice, either do his normal thing or continue to be a good boy. If he does his normal thing and grabs the toy and throws it in the cart, mom grabs little Johnny and leaves the store without a second warning. In other words, SHE ENFORCES THE CONSEQUENCES regardless of how it impacts her. It may mean she needs to shop another time, whatever. No matter what though, consequences must be enforced in the way they are specified and they must be enforced consistently, not just once in a while.

Positive reinforcement:

Lets assume little Johnny has been down this road a few times and realizes that expectations are made and consequences are enforced. So this time he is actually good in the store. Upon leaving the store and getting in the car, mom says "Johnny, you were very good in the store. I want you to know I am proud of you." Mom gives Johnny a hug and a kiss and perhaps (on occasion) a small treat like a candy or something.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Oh, and by the way, SBS stands for Spoiled Brat Syndrome. ;-)

Answer 9

I know its embarrassing especially in a public place but let him throw a fit. He is testing your limits. Will you give in ,or will you accept the stares from other shoppers looking at you and know that your seven year old is smart enough to figure out that if you don't give he will soon learn he cannot have everything he wants. Anyway why are you fighting with you child. You are the adult your rules are absolute. Do you properly discipline him or just give him what ever he wants at home ,so he figures he can have anything he wants anywhere.

Answer 10

Order pizza and talk to him to be nice and if he is tell him i will buy u things if u dont yell. and when u go to the store tell him if he wants something tell him to say it quit and maybe u will buy it if he is nice and quit.

Answer 11

This sounds off the wall, but take 4 weeks of omitting all dairy and wheat and tell me what happens.  Google it if you have time.  My son was honestly almost CRAZY and would try to jump from the top flight of stairs, climb in the oven, 5 second attention span.  I researched this and I am telling you, you would never know he had a problem before.  Doctors pooh pooh this, but my son is living proof it matters.  I have met many others with the same results since.

Seems strange, I know, I thought so too, but it works.  I'm sure you are where I was-- I would try ANYTHING.  It is hard and expensive, but it will change your lives if it is the culprit.  If it isn't, then I don't know what to do next.

Answer 12

if he is starting to get physical with you it has gone way to far. He has no respect for you and is becoming a bully. Strip him of everything but a matteress and blanket and make him earn it back through respect. Buy him nothing, no going to parties, no treats...nothing...until he gets his temper and behaviour under control and then slowly bring these things back into his life.

Answer 13

Don't let him do it. He is 7 years old and at the moment YOU control him.

If he acts up in the store then don't bring him. Both my children know that if they don't behave, especially in public, then they aren't going anywhere again.

If he yells at you then send him to his room and let him yell all he wants. If he refuses to go to his room then pick him up and put him in there.

Refuse to speak to him until he can speak to you properly. If my children are yelling, whining, etc. then I tell them to go sit awhile in their room and come and talk to me when they have calmed down.

Your son can only do what you allow him to do. You need to be firm and not let him walk all over you. If you let him get away with this stuff now then you will soon have a teenage son raising his fists to you.

Answer 14

this kid has you in check. I'd smack that azz and tell him that he's wrong! If he talks back smack him again. Somewhere along the line he's learned that if he has a tantrum he'll eventually get what he wants. This is what happens when discipline is minimal to non-existant.

Like many kids today, they have learned that they can do whatever they want without fear of punishment. It's not wrong to hit your kids. There's a difference between hitting and outright azz-kicking.

You need to get a backbone, rid yourself from fear of your child. He's only 7, not a heavyweight boxer.

Firm discipline is needed or else he will continue this behavior and continue to make your life a nightmare. Do it now while he's little and not a teen whereupon he will be physically able to kick your azz!

When you discipline him make sure to look directly into his eyes. DO NOT FLINCH! Tell him you will not tolerate his bad behavior. I would also be sure to praise him when he does well. Do not overdo it. He just needs positive guidance. Get him involved in sports or something creative that he's interested in. He needs to know that his bad behavior is wrong.

He might say things like, "I hate you, mom!" or something but don't take it personally. I've heard many little kids say that, they're just angry, they'll get over it. If he says something like that just respond with, "I love you, too".

SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD

Answer 15

For an child with behavioral issues a good schedule is most important.  The child needs structure and lots of it.  Write one out immediately.  If the child can not stick to the schedule it will also help the medical professionals spot patterns of behavior.  The child needs to eat, sleep, and bathe at a set time each day.

Answer 16

my friend who is a rn has the same problem with her son she says hes putting her through so much h**l she could give up she said she could just kill herself. and the way your explaining it she is sitting right next to me and she made the dr's try putting him on aderal and she said

THANK FUC@#NG GOD FOR DRUGS!!!!!! he has turened around 100%

She also says good luck and dont go to FU*&ing crazy and please dont hit him! lol

Answer 17

If you truly feel something is not right with your son, go to another doctor. Or request an evaluation at your school district for him. Many doctors dont want to diagnose issues such as ADD or ADHD or others until kids are older. I am also having problems at the moment.

If you thing something is wrong, for his sake, dont give up.

Just be sure that there are consistant punishments for behavior, otherwise the problem could be that he is feeling like he can get away with it and its just attitude.