I did something awful and i need your advice?

Question

Hi, i know you guys always hear me saying how great my relationship is with my boyfirend. well, lately, we've been having a hard time. he can be really mean and childish simply because he's moody. and i've found myself loosing character just to give him a taste of his own medicine. but i definitely went too far. last weekend he went away for his birthday. i was really upset because of the situation (which is a long story) and i was tired of being unappreciated. we have mutual friends at a bar but they are more his friends. i went there after work by myself. one of the guys has wanted me and would knock it off infront of my boyfriend. i met him at the bar playing it off as friends. i got drunk...pretty drunk. there was a scene at the bar so we left. i went to his place and yeah...i did it. the ultimate no no. i wasnt too guilty about it for a couple of days until me and my boyfriend decided to start over and things have been great. he heard what happend at the bar and how i went by myself. he doesn't trust his friend and he already thinks something has happend between us from the past because he doesn't trust his friend. now...something really has happend and i feel awful. how could i do that to the one i love? all because of anger and spite. i could have done anything else just to be spiteful but i had to go the full mile. i was drunk but i cant blame it on that since i didnt feel bad right away, like i woke up and felt numb, realizing what i did and just left. i remember thinking , "i can't believe i went through with that" and that was it. i felt different and wouldn't make love to my boysfriend. he kept asking why and i would give him some crazy excuse. i feel awful, what should i do? should i tell him? i'm scared he'll leave me. he's a very sensitive guy, but i know he hasn't been an angel. i feel like that shouldn't play a part in my decision because i love this man so much. can you help me?

Answer 1

if you two are really trying to start over then you need to tell him. you cant rebuild a relationship on lies.

Answer 2

well you deff. shouldn't have had s e x with his friend.

but what can you do? he does have the right to know...

but if you think that him knowing would ruin your relationship then i wouldn't tell him.

Answer 3

Don't use drunk as an excuse, if you drive a vehicle drunk and someone dies because of it, most states call it manslaughter. You need to own up, take whatever's coming to you, be it look for new BF or whatever but stop making excuses for doing what you wanted to do all along and had to get drunk to have the courage to do it. Yes, you should feel guilty. This is precisely why I remain single and celibate because you are the NORM.  Just stop with the ignorant excuses and fess the heck up.

Answer 4

Tell him!  He has a right to know the kind of friends he has.  If he is smart. he'll look for a new girl friend and thank the guy friend for showing him...

Answer 5

You might as well tell him and not because you want to relieve your guilt but because his so called "friend" might beat you to it.  I'm sure your bf would rather hear it from you than from him.

Answer 6

Tell him what happened.

Answer 7

Deny it and tell him the other guy led you on and say you were drunk and explain you needed to explore your sexuality and stuff.

Answer 8

He needs to know, what if you caught some std from the friend? you should probably get tested too......condoms dont protect you from everything....if he dumps you, you deserve it sorry.... quit drinking, you can not trust yourself on it.

Answer 9

You have to tell him or your never going to be happy with yourself or the relationship, because your thinking of all the what if. Like what if i tell him and he gets mad but he will love me still. What if he leaves. What if this can make our love stronger. If he stays your love is stronge if not then its time to say goodbye. What if it happen to you, you would wnat to know. So tell him

Answer 10

Tell him, then bring over one of your girlfriends and let them party together alone.

Answer 11

hey ive just submitted a question an had dogs abuse so heregoes!! if i was you iwould tell him because if it me id feel guity paranoid you knw? and people are soooo quick to drop people in it and add a few extras!! obv itup to you doll butidtell him howit was/is if anything it will be easier to just let him do whathe has to do god yes it hurt and he may run but you did right thing in being honest i wouldnt want to find out 3rdhand youknow let meknw how yougo email me ifyou wantxx

Answer 12

Honesty hurts, but it will save you in the long run.  let him know you were hurt and acted out of character.  Let him know you felt abondoned and what you did.  Good luck

Answer 13

Unfortunately what done is done. I would have to agree with you that you boyfriend has acting  childish and your action was no different.

You felt slighted by him and he left town on a day that you would have gladly spent with him.

Pain real or imagined is pain and you found a willing subject to lean on.

Now your boyfriend returns acting all nice and sweet, so now  you are guilt ridden by your decision.

Take stock in your relationship and see if he is what you want to spend the rest of your life with, constant back and forth, moody, mean and childish.

Answer 14

You seem to have a pretty difficult situation. Would you have the chance that his friend would tell on yall? If not, I say take your time, compose yourself and wait until the right moment to mention it. Tell him it meant nothing and he means everything. Tell him how he was acting and how it made you feel. He will be very upset and may leave, but you will feel a lot better telling him and if he does leave then he is not the man for you. Good luck hun and if you need anyone to talk to im a great listener! Email if you need!

Answer 15

How would you feel if your man had done what you did and did not confess to you? What would happen if you found out what he did from your friend (meaning, the one he slept with if roles were reversed)? When you got to the bottom line, perhaps you would leave... perhaps had he been honest you would have stayed?

To me, a relationship is more than just s*x alone - it is the sharing of your deepest, most personal self that you save for your one-and-only. As stated in a former comment, there must be something more wrong with this relationship if all of these events took place. That doesn't change the fact that you are where you are and you can't undo the past.

Honesty and trust are two key issues that need to be dealt with here - not to mention feelings. If you want to have affairs of the heart or physical contact with others in your relationship then that is up to you and your boyfriend to decide, but to me there can only be one. The right thing to do is to sit down with your boyfriend and let him know what happened. If the relationship is worth saving and you can earn his trust then it will work out. There are some lines that you just can't cross, however. His actions and feelings are going to dictate the end of this stage in your life, but in order to forgive yourself and move on, you need to come clean and be honest. If not, it will always have potential to damage you. The guilt alone is reason enough. Hopefully this is the first time and you've learned a lesson that won't be repeated. Pretend that it was him that cheated and not you - act like you would hope he would to you! Best of luck.  

Answer 16

I guess if you get THAT out of control with your drinking, then you probably shouldn't drink.  And if you get THAT mad at him that you end up cheating, then there is a problem all in its own.

It doesn't matter how bad you feel, because he is going to feel worse.  You should tell him.  Let him decide on how he wants to react.

Everything happens for a reason.  

Answer 17

The bottomline is this. You wronged him. Tell him the complete and honest truth, and let him handle it how he will.

Answer 18

Something I've learned in life is that communication is key- especially in a relationship like yours. I also think that not being honest with him is just making your situation worse- now, on top of everything else, you're finding yourself lying to him. Plus, if you feel so horribly about this, nothing else will make you feel better.

Answer 19

The best thing to do is stop talking to this bar worker and never go back to this bar.  You can tell him the truth, which will hurt him more and probably end your relationship as well, or you can keep it to yourself and try to make amends in your relationship for now the best way you know how.  So he's no angel?  Your not one either.  Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes terrible ones, and then we learn from them.  There were worse things you could have done, but at the time I bet you were feeling pretty d**n good about what you did.  Now you have the consequences to deal with, which hopefully will only be that you have learned a good lesson, you'll come close to losing a person you really love, but maybe god, or whatever higher power you believe in will take pity on you.  If he does find out from this bar worker, then you must tell him the truth and accept what he does, all the while keeping in mind he too has been out playing.

Answer 20

You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.  You need to tell him. If he's wanting to start over fresh, you can't re-start it with the biggest secret of all.  What if he finds out from your friend? That would not be good.  Do the right thing and tell him.  He'll decide wether your relationship is worth the work or not.  And from now on, don't sleep with your boyfriend's friends.

Answer 21

it would be better if you tell him yourself rather than he hears it from another person and could really get angry for you not telling him...if you dont dare talk with him then write him a letter and have him read it,and tell him how you really feel about him and how sorry you are.. good luck

Answer 22

I had a Very similar experience just a few months ago... my fiance' and I were going through a rough time and he was acting very distant.. I ended up running into one of his friends at a bar the same night that he just sent me over the edge... I didn't have s*x with the guy but we did make out... a few days later my fiance' and I decided to meet up for dinner and talk things over.. we decided to try for a fresh start.. I told him that I ran into his friend and we hung out.. he was furious and asked me if that was all I lied and said yes... A few days later I couldn't keep it in any longer and let out the truth.. we didn't talk for a few days and finally he forgave me but let me know that it wouldn't have hurt him as much if I had just told him the truth when he asked for it...

So my advice is come clean now and apologize if you really mean it.. Its better to get it out now since he already has his suspicions then to keep it in.  He will definately be hurt but dishonesty is not the answer to your problem

Answer 23

ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU!

THE GUY THAT U DID IT WITH CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HIM..WHERE EVER U KNOW HES GONNA BE AT DONT GO!

AND DONT TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT HE DOESNT KNOW WONT KILL HIM