I didn't know I was pregnant... questions?

Question

Well it still needs to be confirmed but I'm 99% sure.

I'm a smoker. I drink lots of coffee. My husband and I share a bottle of wine almost every night. I'm the one who changes the litter box.

I always imagined that we would plan to have a kid. You know drink folic acid, take vitamins, workout.

Of course I wanted to do this so that I can have a healthy child. I also wanted to do this so that (god forbid) anything bad happened I wouldn't blame myself too much.

Now I feel like ... If this baby has dyslexia, or thin hair, or frequent colds, or something much worse that it's all my fault. I don't know how to handle that kind of guilt.

For instance I'm very short. Shorter than most of the women in my family. My mother was a very healthy woman and took really good care of herself while pregnant. If my habits were my mothers then I would feel guilty that my daughter was short because of the choices I made. (Even if they were unrelated.) Does this make sense?

Anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

stop worrying babies are a blessing and god doesn't give you what you can't handle.  If you take actions now then the baby should be fine.  I obviously don't know what month your in but i hope you caught on early so that you can stop drinking and smoking.   Oh and babies get sick all the time just be carefull and have fun.

Answer 2

Unless you were specifically planning on having a child, you can't worry or blame yourself about what you did before realizing you were pregnant. (And don't worry, I think most women feel this way!) Now that you DO know, you can take charge and start things off on the right foot by quitting smoking, giving up alcohol, taking your prenatal vitamins and having someone else take over the litter box.

On a side note, if you have been the one changing the litter box for a while, you have most likely ALREADY come into contact with toxoplasmosis, and aren't likely to get it again.  Just to be safe (and hey, your pregnant! You get to call the shots), have your hubby take over that chore.

Answer 3

It depends how far along you are, but its likely the baby is fine. Just immediatly stop smoking, drinking, and any other bad habits you have. Start eating healthier, and see a doctor. Chances are you are not too far along, and you really wouldnt be the first to drink and smoke in the first month or two of pregnancy...

Just relax and see what your doctor says.

Answer 4

calm down!!! its ok....you are totally stressin yourself out. alot of times things like this arent planned. just quit smoking and drinking and start changing your habits now. you cant blame yourself for a cold or that she is short that just sounds crazy!!!!!

my husbands sister always does things perfect- the perfect pregnancy, she doesnt let him EVER eat candy or drink pop, she only lets him eat healthy, WHICH IS GOOD- but, the kid is always sick, and i mean he is a normal child. you cant MAKE your child perfect, we are all who we are.

i gained alot of weight during my pregnancy, i smoked for a while before i knew, but i quit- my daughter was 9 pounds! lol. she is very healthy though and she is 2 and she has only been sick maybe 5 times. she is amazing...

focus on not stressing and do your best. focus on raising this child the right way, not 'working out', or freaking out is he or she will be tall or short.

Answer 5

The advice you can take to heart from the doc is cut back on caffeine, try to wean off the cigarettes since they're not good for you anyway, drink a glass of wine a day and if you're worried about the litter box, ask hubby to change at least until you're out of your first trimester and most of your baby's critical development has occurred (central nervous system, etc).  My mom had the occasional drink and smoked and I'm fine, but my sibs and I all have had long-term respiratory complications from her smoking heavily around us AFTER we were born.  I was 10 pounds 10 oz though, so I don't think the smoking affected my birth weight, whatever the docs say about it.  I and 4 of my sisters had pneumonia 3 times as small children though (hospitalized for it) followed by long-term bronchitis, which I believe was probably caused by Mom chain smoking furiously the whole time we were kids, in the house, filling it w/smoke.

Answer 6

Well, I have given birth to 4 children.  First one I quit smoking (she is the one with the breathing problems), the other children I smoked and drank 2 pots of coffee a day.  My last one was early because her cord was tied in a not which has nothing to do with smoking or anything else.  She was born at 30 weeks and her lungs were developed to 31 weeks.  I don't immunize.  She has never been sick with anything including a cold, ear infection, nothing.  Chances are if you have had a cat, you are already immune to the toxoplasmosis.  My cousin had 4 healthy children and had a bunch of cats and changed the litter herself.  Don't buy into all of this hype.  The doctors try and scare you.  They will tell a 98 year old man to quit smoking it will shorten his life.  Pregnancy is just a good time to scare people into quitting.  It isn't politically correct.  Your baby isn't going to be short because of cigarettes.  Your daughter will be short if you and/or your husband is.  You will be just fine.  Wine (although only 1 glass) is actually good for you when you are pregnant and nursing if you drink the reds.  They build the blood.  You will be fine.  So will your baby.  Don't buy into the hype.  Instead of listening to all the brainwashed young women, talk around to people that actually had these habits while they were pregnant and ask about their babies.  That's the real research.  And if you are worried about a babies health, you should worry about the ingredients in the immunizations.  Tobacco is far safer than antifreeze and formalin.