I didn't think there were evil men like this! I'm confused?

Question

I am clearly very naive. I never thought there were guys like this out there. My boyfriend would never do something like this.

I was standing in line, waiting to pay for my goods. The cashier was about 21 years old, white. She was pretty, in a plain Jane way. Mid length brown hair, green eyes, slender. Anyway, when it was my turn to be served, I noticed she didn't make eye contact, she was quiet as a mouse and kept her head down the entire transaction. She had fingertip bruises on her wrists and purplish marks where a large hand had grabbed her. Later, I was speaking to a girl from her work who said she is a lovely girl. Her boyfriend sometimes becomes angry and smacks her around, he will slap her or punch her because he is unhappy with his own life and takes it out on her. Her boyfriend also told her she is nothing but a girl next door and that no one else would want a plain girlfriend.

I think this is so sad! Why is she staying with him? I'm so confused?

Answer 1

There are a lot of reasons she may put up with it, but it is NOT her fault.

Answer 2

She is fearful that he may really hurt her even more if she gains the courage to break up with him. She feels inferior in the relationship to the male. She hides her feelings and problems, keeping it to herself.

Answer 3

it depends. she could go two ways. realize that she is better than that and there are good guys out there or she could be emotionally scarred and think she IS worthless and think all guys are like this a*****e. But its possible she goes into a dissociative state when he hits her which is probably a good thing if she does.

Answer 4

I was in an abusive (mental and physical) relationship a couple of years ago for nearly four years. He was such a great person at the beginning of our relationship but about one year into it he totally changed. These people make you feel worthless and grind you down. He used to belittle me so much and I used to put up with it. There came a day when a light bulb just came on in my head and I thought "I'm not putting up with this anymore!" She needs as much support as she can get, its a very hard situation to be in and an even harder one to understand if you have never experienced it yourself. I hope she realizes sooner rather than later

Answer 5

She needs help.  She is getting into that rut of being attracted to abusers.  If you know of a safe house, or office whre she can get help, offer her the informatoin quietly.  Don't make a big deal about it, becuase until SHE is ready for the chagne, there is little anyone can do.

Answer 6

I feel very sad for this girl. I knwo there are some men out there like that. I dont know, it's the thrill of having power over someone, the power to make them feel horrible and make them stay. Maybe he was treated like c**p by his parents or maybe he saw his father treat his mother this way. She definately needs to get away from him but maybe she's scared. He has probably threatened her, told her he would hurt her or himself if she left him. Maybe she just needs some friends and some support to see this is wrong and she deserves better. You should try to befriend her. Or maybe that woman who works with her should try reaching out. It will only get worse for her if she stays!

Answer 7

She has been convinced that she is worthless and will never do any better.  Incorrect, of course, but just look at any Christian to figure out how strong belief and fear are.

Answer 8

Whenever you go to that store get her to check you out. Perhaps you can develop a bit of friendship so that you can let he know that she IS valuable and needs to get away from that man.