I didnt ask my fiance's sister to be in our wedding now she's REAL MAD

Question

Heres the thing. She's a pain in the A**, Shes 35 married with a couple kids and I didn't want to deal with her as a bridesmaid. I was going to ask her to be in charge of programs and the guestbook, but she got in a tizzy before I could ask her. SO was it totally neccary to have her as a bridesmaid? Don't you think that because shes ten years older than us and married she's kinda outgrown the whole bridesmaide scene? At any rate now she's REFUSING to attend.

Answer 1

Well, its YOUR wedding and you should be able to have it your way. Its totally within your right to choose who gets to be the bridesmaid.

The last few weddings I went to, bridesmaids were usually from the bride's side of friends/family/etc.

and vice versa for the groom's side with the best man, etc.

Go with your decision and don't let her ruin your perfect wedding. Its her loss if she doesnt want to attend..

Answer 2

She will get over it.

Answer 3

Your the bride, its up to you who you have as bridesmaids.  If the pair of you are not that close, then dont ask her.  You could ask her to do a reading, just to shut her up!  But she sounds like a moody moo, your husband to be should try to reasin with her.

Answer 4

Its your wedding and you choose who you want as a bridesmaid. So she isn't gonna come its her choice. you dont need to change everything just for her

Answer 5

I dont think that because she is already married and older than you are good reasons not to ask her. Its one thing if you two arent very close, or you only want 1 or 2 bridesmaids and already chose your best friend or your sister. But to say that shes old is not a good reason, you sound a little immature. And judging by the fact she is refusing to even attend over this, she is also immature.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

Tell her you will miss her, but you will not be bullied into having her in the wedding party... Your wedding will be much easier if you don't have to worry about crazy pants throwing a fit because she can't wear a taffeta dress.

Answer 7

I feel that including the siblings of your fiance is important in a wedding.  It shows that you have a sense of family and that even though the person might not be your blood-relative that you are ackowledging and respecting their relation to the groom.

If there is good reason - - like you have 7 sisters and don't want an even larger bridal party - - or the sis is psycho and has said she hates you or doesn't approve of your marriage then I think you have grounds for excluding a sibling from the wedding.

I am including both of my fiance's 40+ year old sisters (one of whom is married with 3 kids) in my wedding party and I wouldn't have it any other way.  But that's me and doesn't always float everyone's boat.

Answer 8

You and your fiance get to choose who's in the bridal party. You both also get to choose who does what.

Graciously ask her to be in charge of the programs and guestbook in front of the family. If she refuses, the family will see that you tried.

If she refuses to attend the ceremony, that's her loss.

Answer 9

Get married at a JP and forget the wedding,its a massive waste of money and a stressful event for everyone. Spend the money on a nice honeymoon or downpayment for a house....its only one stupid day... don't become a bridezilla

Answer 10

If she is older and has children, are the kids old enough to be flower girls/ring bearers? In my area it is accepted that if the kids are in the wedding it is a good replacement for asking the parent. For example I had my 3 nieces but didn't have my sister in law. Is that a way to appease her?

I was the only sister that was not asked to be in her only brother's wedding and I will tell you it did hurt, even though 23 years ago I was not so immature as to threaten not to go - she needs to grow up on that count! Asking her at this point, after she has thrown her fit, to be in charge of guestbook or programs or doing a reading, will seem like she is being asked as an afterthought because of her fit.  

**Piece of advice to anyone planning a wedding : Ask everyone that you want to participate in one way or another in your wedding around the same time! Don't wait until it's closer to the day, or after a fit is thrown because those people now feel they are after thoughts and are unimportant in the scheme of things. That can cause more hurt feelings than not being asked at all.

Answer 11

First, how does your brother feel about his sister? If he is in tune with you and doesn't seem to be concerned that she is upset, then don't let it worry you.

IF...he is close to her even though she is a pain...she is still his sister and will be a part of your family...and this is his wedding as well.

If it is the second...then you and your fiance need to sit down and discuss the issue, come to a conclusion that suits you both...then together, go to his sister and work things out.  That is my best advise to keep the family happy and consider your husband to be's feelings as well.

Answer 12

It is not necessary to have her as a bridesmaids if you feel she will add more stress to you and the bridal party. Even though she is 10 years older and married doesn't mean she has "outgrown" the bridesmaid scene. It's not how old you are or if you are married - the point is for the bride to select the people she wants standing up next to her and support her. I am sure that if she was your best friend but 10 years older and married you would still want to ask her to be in the wedding...

It's silly that she is now refusing to attend - but what can you do?

Maybe try sending her an email or letter. Tell her that you are sorry about not asking her to be in the bridal party, but you and your fiance are trying to keep the bridal party small...plus, you also wanted her to be in charge of the programs and guestbook.  

Answer 13

I think she should have been asked, and 35 is not too old to be a bridesmaid. This is 2008. I was in a wedding where the bridesmaids were ages 30 to 45. But I think she's acting like a big baby. Not sure what you can about it now though. Apologize and just ignore her behavior. She must not really care about her brother very much if she won't come to a wedding over it.  

Answer 14

Do not allow yourself to be bullied into having her as a bridesmaid. She obviously isn't the sort you would want as a friend, nor is she close to you, so I see no reason for her to stand in a honored position. Have your fiance' talk with her, and give her the option of helping out in other ways. If she's the least bit dependable, and you don't have a wedding coordinator, perhaps she can fill that role. And just so you know, there have been bridesmaids in their seventies with kids, grandkids, even great grandkids. Relationships aren't based on age, so wedding attendant positions aren't something you can ever "outgrow." They are simply for those you are closest too. Two of my bridesmaids are married with kids. I fail to see how they should be disqualified.

I am not close to my fiance' sister, and I didn't not ask her to be the part of the wedding. He isn't close to his brother, so he didn't ask him to be a part of the wedding either, although his brother will be our DJ.

Answer 15

Your bridesmaids are for the people you choose in your life and your sisters, best friends, etc...

The grooms groomsmen are for his brothers, best friends, etc...

Would you be mad if your groom didn't ask your brother or best guy friend, etc to be in your wedding? Heck no. It's a personal choice for each.

I didn't ask my fiance's sister to be a bridesmaid and he didn't ask my brother to be a groomsman. It's a silent understanding.

You need to shrug your shoulders and say...too bad if that's all she cares about. If she doesn't show up to her brothers wedding because the bride didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid...how much does she really care about her brother. And how can she base a relationship on that? You should talk to your fiance about it and see what he feels about it.

Answer 16

She's acting like a brat.  35 or not, she needs to get over it and grow up.  Just because she's your fiance's sister doesn't automatically instill her with the right to be a bridesmaid.  If your fiance doesn't care, then don't invite her to be in your wedding.  Bridesmaids are usually in the room as the bride gets ready . . . do you really want her to be there just to shut her up?  I wouldn't.  If she's refusing to attend because of all of this, she is being very self-centered and selfish.  Don't worry yourself with it.  This is your day, not hers.

Answer 17

You have already asked this question. Give me all the thumbs down that you want, but I believe that this http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;... is you and you have two accounts. Sorry but its too similar. Get a life