I do not feel related to adopted people in my family?

Question

I'm not sure why I feel this way. I'm sort of surprised to find that i do feel this. any one else feel this way? any ideas why this would be? ty

Answer 1

My father adopted me, I still have the same mother. I was adopted when I was 5 now I am 21. At first I did not feel related to them, they always told stories of my cousins when they were little and I felt out of place. Sometimes I still have the feeling that I am not related to them, but most of the time they feel just as much as family has my mothers side.

Answer 2

Your honesty is refreshing.  So often, people are afraid to talk about the more uncomfortable aspects of adoption, and by talking about it, you make it easier for others who may feel the same way.

I am grown now but was adopted at birth.  I've always felt like my (adoptive) parents are my parents, but I've never felt like my brothers are my family.  We were never close, and still aren't....it's sad for me, but I don't even really feel like I have brothers.  They were older children when I was adopted, and that may have something to do with it, like they didn't really accept me as a sibling because they knew I didn't come from their mother.  

When I had my own children, I was amazed at how connected I felt.  There is so much more depth to the relationship with similar sense of humor, interests, etc.  I know that no one wants to think it, but I believe there is something about being related by blood.

I'm not sure about your situation, but having had the same sort of experience, maybe it's not such an unusual way to feel.

Answer 3

just because you are biologicly related to someone doesnt mean that you are. let me explaine, i live with 3 of my guy friends & two of my girl friends & we all have families that would rather have us at home but to us we are home cause we are living with our brothers & sisters. most people say that just cause "you have my blood that makes you mine" but not true. i say that we pick who we are related too cause wen you related to some1 you feel like they are your family. so that might be your best friend your neibor or someone that you just like hangin out with.

good luck

Answer 4

It may be that you:

1.  Have not given them a chance

2.  Have unresolved issues about adoption

3.  Have a weird family

4.  Feel jealous

5.  Don't understand the significance of adoption

6.  Are arrogant

7.  Are narrow minded

8.  Feel alienated from your family

9.  Are selfish

10.  Find it painful to think about

11.  Are superficial

12.  Are egotistical

13.  Never took the time to know them

14.  Are not very accepting in general

15.  Just happen not to care for them

The list could go on and on, but likely it is about you, not them.

As a Therapist who has worked with thousands of families over the years, MOST expressed similar feelings about biological family members.  The reasons are as varied as above!  That is just part of being in some families - the differences, the closeness with some members and not so much with others.  Just take a look at yourself and see if this is about adoption, or about personalities, or other factors.  Learn something about yourself, if you dare to look!

Answer 5

It is not unusual not to feel close to people who are adopted. They aren't related to you by blood but they are part of your family.  I had a cousin that was adopted and over the years grew to love him but I must admit at first I felt the same way you do. With him and I it is more like a good friendship than being related. I guess everyone has their own ways, I admire people that adopt children but don't think I could do it myself.

Answer 6

Makes sense to me. Heck, I don't feel related sometimes to people who ARE related to me.