I do not understand. If we are suppose to not let babies cry...?

Question

then when do we sleep, eat, clean, go to class, work, take showers, exercise, or anything else a normal human being will need, or want, to do? Or even have "alone" time with spouse? I was told to read this article:

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

It states that we should always tend to our children when they cry and "don't be afraid, we wont spoil them". Always pick them up. My daughter is 9 months. If I continued to pick her up every time she cried, I promise you that I will NEVER get anything done, and I would suffer from my third herniated disc since she was born. So what is the real deal people???? Is this just one battle I will not win? Will I always either hear, "Oh it is OK to let them cry" or "You will have a traumatized child if you let her cry". Which is it, really, can someone show me proof either way??? I hear from experienced mothers that they let their kids "cry it out" and they are fine. So is my 10 year old, so please, what is up?????

Answer 1

The fact is, and people on either side are very reluctant to admit it, that most kids will grow up fine whichever method you use, provided you are consistent and fair and loving. Not picking your kid up every time he whimpers will not traumatise him for life. Giving him a cuddle every time he cries won't turn him into a spoiled brat either. It isn't that simple, which is why nobody has any proof. Anyone who says it is, on either side, is just naive.

Answer 2

I was one of those mothers who didn't' let their children cry - and I had four, aged from 29 to 12 years old.

And they're fine, turned out okay.  So am I.  

The reason I did it - because my mother believed that it was "spoiling a child "to pick up babies, and I grew up with a decided lack of attention.  I felt unloved, so when I had my first son, I went the other way.  I probably smothered them - but we're close, they know they're loved and we're all okay.  And no, I didn't have a slipped disc, either.

Answer 3

I don't have a clue what your doing.

I have time to eat, sleep, wash, and do everything else, without my kids crying, and I have twins. It really isn't that hard. My youngest has colic, and I still have time to do what I need to do. I have plenty of time with my Husband too.

Yes, my kids cry, every kids does. I have left them while I was doing things, but I do get to them as soon as I can. As long as they aren't hurt or in any discomfort, 5 minutes won't kill them.

Sounds to me you just want to have a go at Parents who don't like allowing their kids to cry. Bit childish really.

Answer 4

Well I am pregnant with number 8 and I have tried both. Believe me, the doctor will also confirm that it is good for a baby's lungs to exercise them, and the government approved book of parenting for babies called, "Baby's Best Chance" will also tell you that if your baby is colicky or just plain uncomfortable despite all your possible efforts, then maybe baby WANTS to have a cry! Just like me, once in a while! And the book also states that it is better to just let baby have it out in their crib while you take a breather, as this is healthy, opposed to having a potential breakdown, which no one can judge until they have experienced the temporary insanity lack of sleep has to offer. lol. You ARE a better mom when you get enough fuel to be able to step on the gas again. If you permanantly deny yourself fuel, then you will run out of gas, hence causing a dysfunctional environment. Been there!

From personal experience I have noticed that children CAN SO be spoiled, and I find it hilAIRious that some people would say, "children never lie, children never get spoiled, etc etc" hahaha! Do these people know what a child is? A child is someone with their own set of vocal chords and opinions, whether their opinions are right or wrong. We can't let the horrible sound that can sometimes come out of them dictate whether we do our job out of love and for the right reasons.

My children are constantly praised for their good behavior, though they fall short like any humans. I know letting them cry it out helped them. The ones I *spoiled* temporarily as an experiment to see if there was a better way to raise them, well they did behave rather manipulatively, as I taught them to for a short while. I had a bit of *undoing* to do hehe.

Do your best in love for your children and they will in turn learn your best.

~blessss

Answer 5

why did you have a kid? Obviously you want to be alone..no stress everything on your time and your convinience. Did you exspect to deliver a plastic doll?

Answer 6

there is nothing if the baby cry,check for what he/she crying.if you always behind the child thecry will continue forever.sometime keep on talking something will satisfy baby, afraid to be alone.gradually will study to alone.

while the child cries just say some words ....ambadi shinkaari amba vday undallo.entha kutta ponnukanna

Answer 7

If you want 'alone time with spouse' or to 'have some me time' then don't have a kid. So many people have kids and then say 'Oh well, we're still entitled to me time - thats why we let them cry and get babysitters' No - it's YOUR child, YOU chose to have it, so YOU have to make sacrifices.

I think in cases like when the child cries before bedtime then you should let them cry, because otherwise the child wont learn to get to sleep on their own. Any other time though - you should realise that you opened your legs and brought this kid into the world, and get your OWN backside moving to look after it.

Answer 8

I, too, have a 9 month old daughter as well as two older children.

Babies cry for a reason.  THey can not tell us their needs, so crying is their way of communicating that they are hungry, thirsty, tired, bored.  Perhaps they have a mosquito bite that itches but they do nto know how to scratch (this happened to my daughter recently) or they bit their tongue or their tummy hurts...all they know is that they have to communicate that to the Mommy person that makes everything better.

When my daughter cries, I try my best to discover what the situation is and resolve it.  It does not necessarily mean to pick them up at that time-sometimes, my 9 month old just wants that toy she dropped or moving her closer to where I am working entertains her.

It sounds as if you have come to your own conclusion already, which is different than mine.  But I choose to believe that when my child cries, I need to help her out.  The only times she has been inconsolable and I got nothing done were when she was very sick (even if I did not find out til a couple of days later).

At 9 months, my daughter eats when we eat so she is occupied then.  I sleep when she sleeps, shower in the mornings when either her father is with her or she is still sleeping...clean while she is entertained.  You can make it work without much effort.

EDITED TO ADD: I did not let my 10 or 8 year olds cry for long periods, either.  All are happy, healthy, well adjusted children-and very loving and much loved.