I do not want my mother in law to watch my child......?

Question

Im expecting and i do not want my mother in law to wach my child. She was abusive with all of her children but now time has passed and they went throguh counsling but i see her with her grandchildren. She smokes around them (babies and blows the smoke practically in theri face after she was told numerous times not to) and she doesnt watch them properly and so on. My husband agrees. But shes already talking about watching our unborn child all the time. How can i tell her no w out sounding bad?

Answer 1

just simply tell her no that your hubby will take care of the baby.

Answer 2

Ya I agree you should not leave your child with her. You are the one in charge now and whatever guidelines you set, she should follow if she wants time with them. You should say I just wanted to have a talk with you before the baby was born to let you hear my requests for when you are watching my child. Say you can smoke, but please go outside. She can not argue that smoking is bad for the child. Also I probably would not leave them alone with her for long periods of time. I do not have kids, but I have babysat and I know that it takes just seconds for them to get into trouble. However since its a baby, she can just leave it in a pin with her in the room. Just be stern with your rules, and if she breaks them then no baby time for her! Good luck! Cheers- Denise

Answer 3

Since it's his mom, let him handle it and make it clear she won't be watching them. She can SAY that she's watching them all she wants, but ultimately, that's all she gets to do...

How sad, but we too have to deal with limiting who is allowed to watch our kids, and a lot of people in our family simply are unsafe to leave them with, so I understand what you're dealing with.

Answer 4

In this situation I think you just need to be firm and honest. Tell her what she does wrong and that you don't trust her. Sure it will hurt her, but she shouldnt do the things she does, its horrible.

Answer 5

It is your job as a parent to keep your child safe and in a healthy environment. I would tell her that you are uncomfortable with it and if she wants a reason give her one. Do not sugar coat it and do not feel guilty.  

Answer 6

Just tell her that she's not watching your child.  When she asks why, tell her without being mean, and only really hit on what really bothers you - not a laundry list of wrongs.  It will hurt her I am sure, but it's your child, and it's not about her - or hurting her feelings.  You have a right to protect your child from that kind of endangerment.

Answer 7

If you tell her no, she will know that eventually that you don't want her to watch your baby and it will probably make her mad. We don't allow my husbands mother to watch our children because we don't trust her. She gets pissed off and trys to make a big deal, but I will not apologize for doing what is best for my child. Fortunately my husband tells his mother like it is and that we feel our children cannot be alone with her. Now she knows better to even call and ask to watch or go anywhere with our children. Just tell her now, it's not your fault she can't be trusted and won't stop smoking while she is with the kids.  

Answer 8

I think i would tell her that you are not going to let your son or daughter to be around second hand smoke. especially a new born when their lungs are still developing use that for an excuse and stick with it. this is your child and you have the right to make decisions based on what is best for them. continue using smoke as a thing that you do not want around your schild

Answer 9

I am a firm believer of telling people the truth!! If you don't want someone around your baby, tell them why!! This is YOUR BABY!! SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TELLING HER NOT TO SMOKE!! If she can't respect your child enough to not smoke around it, when it has been proven to cause lung and respiratory problems in newborn babies, then I would certainly not have ANY problem telling her you did NOT want her babysitting for you!! Your precious babies health and safety must come before HURT FEELINGS of someone who is too sturborn to change a bad habit for their grandchildrens well-being!!!  I have changed many, many of my old habits since being blessed with grandchildren, and I don't miss a single one of them!! BUT I DON'T THINK I COULD MAKE IT MANY MORE DAYS WITHOUT THOSE PRECIOUS GRANDCHILDREN!!!I!  I THANK THE LORD THE DAY HE SENT ME MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAWS AND MY SON-IN-LAW AND THOSE BABIES!!! THEY HAVE CERTAINLY COMPLETED OUR LIVES!!!

Answer 10

Just let her know you already have someone else setup to watch the baby but thanks for the offer.  I know I would never allow my ex husbands mother to watch my boys she is just not a very good mom anyways and I would never feel safe that way so I just was honest with my ex about it and told him to avoid hurting his moms feelings that we would just explain that I have someone already lined up.  It is your right as the parent to protect your child and choose who will watch them.  

Answer 11

You must protect your children at all costs, that is way more important than having an unpleasant conversion with your in-law.  Just suck it up and tell her the truth.  Maybe she doesn't realize how bad she is or how much it bothers people.

Answer 12

Your baby. Your choice. End of story. You don't owe her any explanation or apologies. She is lucky they didn't take away her children from her back when she had them. My advice is to have your husband stand up to her-- he knows what he went through and if she protests he can reiterate everything he went through as a child and I am sure that will shut her up. If all else fails, you may have to stick up to her yourself. You could enroll your child into a daycare setting and say you want your baby playing with other babies and being around other children.  

Answer 13

your husband should tell her you will be taking care of the baby ... or that you already have a babysitter ...

My mother in law talks about taking my unborn son to the mall with her but I know how she is ... she talks to people ... strangers and pretty much forgets everything else ... im afraid she will leave the baby unattended and he will get stolen or something and I had my husband talk to her and tell her I was not going back to work because i want to take care of him all the time ...

When I do go back to work (if I do go back to work) I will have my mom watch him ... shes responsible and very careful who she talks to...

Good luck!!  

Answer 14

Simply watch your own children. You don't have to tell her a thing.  

Answer 15

Just tell her.  Be honest. Don't p***y-foot around her, just tell her the truth.  So what if it hurts her feelings.  This is your child and you have the right to call any and all shots that has to do with your child.

Now the smoking thing....

I am a smoker but would never smoke anywhere near a small child.  Especially an infant.  That is really bad.

I would just tell her.  There is no nice way to do it.  And if she wants to see her grand baby bad enough, she'll respect your wishes.

Good luck.