I do want whats best for my son!?

Question

Okay, I had my son 10 months ago nearly now. Me and his daddy have been together for 7 years we have a house and we were engaged to get married this year. I am 22. The trouble is just lately i have been feeling down and now i have got really strong feeling for another man. and now i dont want to be in a relationship at all! if i tell my fiance about this other man then he will be horrible and not move out but if i stay and try to carry on life will get worse and i dont want to argue on front of my son! I do want whats best for my son but i dont believe in parents staying together for the sake of there kids. Im 22 and i want to be happy. What should i do i really need some help i know i am hurting my fiance by telling himi dont want to be with him any more! please help!

Answer 1

I think what the problem is that you have been with your Fiance for so long and your only 22.  Now another guy is giving you attention that you haven't received in ages and you like it.  I'm going through the same type of situation but you have to weigh out your pros and cons.  This new guy is probably just a lust for wanting to feel wanted again and if you were to call it off with your Fiance to go for this other guy, will he treat you as good?  Most relationships seem great for the first 3 months and then the fights start.  I think that you truly love your Fiance but you need to somehow spice up your relationship.  Try leaving the baby with parents one night a month and go on a "DATE" with your Fiance.  Dress up and make yourself feel great.  I can guarantee this is just a phase you are going through.  Don't ruin 7 years for an infatuation.  You'll soon realize what you lost and think its the biggest mistake.

Answer 2

My son was 7mths old when my ex-fiance and I broke up. We were having lots of problems and I honestly stayed with him because I thought it would be best for our child, I was wrong. I fell in love with another man while we were together and could not stand my ex any longer. My hubby and I are soulmates, and I am 31wks with our first baby together. I have custody of my son and still have lots of conflict with his father...but it was so worth it, I am now happy and have met the man of my dreams. I am 22 too, and strongly believe that a relationship that began in our teens will not last. People grow apart, even if they apparently were meant to be together. All I know is that my ex and I were not meant to be together and didn't have a healthy relationship..we were together for 2 years. I have been engaged to Mr. Right since Christmas and we plan to marry by the end of the year :).

It depends on one thing..

who do you love???

if all you can say is that you love your child and yourself...then do whats best for the child. and thats to be in a healthy environment.

If you are like I was, and the feelings have been growing tremendously despite efforts to combat them, and you want to be with this other man, and he wants to be with you...then maybe that is the right path.

I told my ex that I had feelings for this other man, and he did nothing but make our 'relationship' problems worse. I told him that I did not love him anymore, eventually, and then we started having yelling matches more regularly until I kicked him out. We were renting an apartment, so I didn't have any property issues as you may if you choose to do the same.

Is it love? and for whom? perhaps the best thing is to leave both and take care of your child, I had that attitude and still wound up with the man of my dreams. It does take courage, but its up to you to figure out what is best for your small family.

Answer 3

Parents being miserable and just staying together for the sake of the kid isn't what's best for anyone. If you want to save the relationship with the fiance, go to couples counseling. Or go see a counselor yourself and figure out if you're really falling for someone else or if it's something else.

Answer 4

this smacks of postnatal depression for me ... see your health visitor :)

Answer 5

Well you're not doing yourself, your fiance, or your son any favors by sticking with your fiance. You need to tell him NOW, it's really not fair to him to be with him when you aren't in love with him.

Sometimes we have to do something that seems wrong for it to be a better outcome. Yes, this may affect your son right now but so will fighting parents. Your fiance can still be his father, there is nothing stopping him from doing that.

Answer 6

The grass is always greener on the other side, so if you stay around this other man he is going to attract you. Its normal after having a baby to have hormone changes and whatnot that can really comfuse you. If you think you have a shot at all about working it out with your fiance, then give it your best shot. That means cutting this other man out of your life. You wont be able to make it work with the other possibility lurking over you. Cut him out then start going on dates and doing all the things you picture doing with this other guy with your fiance. Is it your fiance you are wanting to run away from or is it the wife and mother roll? Alot of women go through a brief period of wanting to escape after they have had a baby because you lose so much of what you are. You lose your identity and all you are is mom. Its normal to want to start over with a new life to try to reclaim yourself. BUT if you think you can work it out with your fiance, you really should try. If you and this other guy are meant to be he will still be there when you are out of your relationship so put him out of your life and out of your mind til you are single. Try with your fiance first.

Answer 7

Noahs mummy is right, you can't stay around just for the sake of your children and your son still has his daddy, but, if it doesn't work out with this new man, would you go back to your sons daddy and more importantly, would he take you back? You said that you have been feeling down...do you think that this is related to your feelings for this other guy or could it be something else? Post natal depression can strike at any time after the birth of a baby and it can really mess with your mind. Has this other guy paid more attention to you than your sons daddy, which may have given cause for you to think that he seels the same way towards you? Have you discussed these feelings with the other guy? Do you think that the relationship between yourself and your sons daddy would get heated and intense when it came to visitation rights? There are a lot of questions you need to consider answering before taking the next step. For all you know, this other guy might turn out not to be a baby person too. I hope you really think this through before doing anything, as this will be with you for the rest of your life. It doesn't just stop here. There are birthdays, Christmas, family events etc that you will be involved with your son and his daddy. Good luck.