I don't even know what my question is but I'd like feedback anyway?

Question

I am g*y and I am 40 years old.

I made friends with a guy last year and it was completely platonic. Eventually I fell in love with him, without him realizing.

I told him. He was fine. I picked a fight and we argued so badly that it is unlikely we will ever be friends again.

I haven't been able to get him out of my mind for nearly ten months so I have decided to rent out my house and go to Thailand.

That isn't as crazy as it sounds. Thailand is cheap and it will be a great 6 months irresepective of my situation (or lack of it) with my former friend.

What's my question?

I love this person more than I have loved anyone in my whole adult life and there is no way we can be together even as friends.

My mind flips in and out of 'perhaps we can be friends' but his lack of response either means that he doesn't care - or he does and can't handle it.

If I am honest with myself: he has been shocked by me and I have been shocked by him.

I have no idea if I have a question

Answer 1

Tell him.

Go confront him, ask him for what you want (a relationship).

Do it now and get it over with.

If he agrees great, if he says no LET IT GO

-but either way, that would be the end of this period

If you dont act to resolve this, you'll continue to feel mixed up.

So go. Tell him.  

Forget about finishing the fight.

Forget about needing to be right.

Express the good feelings, stop there. see what he says

Answer 2

Well i have had relationships where i thought that i would never ever get over it. So what i would do is tell myself to keep my mind off of them and then i would find something else to keep myself occupied and before ya know it, i was back on track again. There will be another chance in life for someone else. Good luck to you