I don't feel s**y...I feel silly.?

Question

I am a Christian, and I waited until I was married to have s*x. And I am very proud of that, and wouldn't change a thing. However, because of that, I obviously have never really been a sexual person...I'm really kinda shy about it. Ok I'm VERY shy about it. I've always waited for the day that I would be married and be able to be open and sexual with my husband...but I feel absolutely ridiculous when I try. Seriously. I can't even explain how intensly stupid I feel when I try to be s**y at ALL. So you can imagine how much worse it makes it when I try to open up and be s**y (for example...when I try to initiate s*x with my husband, or if I put on some lingere, or if I try to give him "the look" or anything) and instead of just going with it he always has to say something like "well, look who's horny!"...or "somebody wants some"...and I feel so silly and embarassed I either want to cry or throw up. It completely kills the mood for me. It's already hard enough for me to get past the shyness. He doesn't mean to do it...if you knew my husband that would be obvious to you. He's the sweetest guy ever. And yes I have tried telling him that when he says stuff like that it's embarassing but he just says "oh babe, you shouldn't be embarassed! it's just me.."....but uh, I am. I don't know what to do. I want to have this wonderful s*x life but instead I feel just stupid. It's like I either have to suck it up and don't do anything or I can initiate something and feel like even more of an idiot than I already do. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Understand that when you husband says those comments he is more than likely excited by your forward manner.  Understanding the power you have in the home in that regard should give you confidence to pull off whatever look or mood you are trying to set.  Confidence is 3/4 of the attitude.  s*x in a married setting should be free, fun, and full of adventure.  Despite his uncouth comments, you said it yourself, he means well.  tell him that those comments decrease the chance of you unleashing the lover you really want to be.  The tune will change guaranteed.

Answer 2

It could very well be that he is just as shy as you (did he also save himself for marriage)? I can think of a couple different approaches:

1) when he says looks whos horny or somebody wants some: Tell him "That's right now you better be a man and give me what I want" (He may be looking for a strong woman in bed)

2) m********e while picturing yourself being s**y for him. This over time, should build up your sexual confidence

3) Read erotic stories (either by yourself of with him), reading by yourself might give you ideas, with him might get you both arosed...

4) Tell him that is bugs you when he teases you, that you so deparately want to be s**y for him, but that when he says things like that even though he is trying to be funny it kills the mood and makes you less interested in s*x.

Good luck.

btw if you want to answer one of mine:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

Well you have one helluva hurdle to get over here.

He's right. It's only you and he. And nothing wrong with being 'horny'. Natural as natural can be you know. Next time he says something that embarrasses you look at him with you best, seductive look and say in a husky voice "You going to keep making comments or are you going to give me what I want?".

Make note of the look on his face when you do. Once you begin to assert some control like that you'll see your embarrassment vanish. just takes time my dear.

Have fun and happy bedroom antics!

Answer 4

Poor thing. The best thing is to pray about it. And don't focus as much on playing a role. Sometimes men get just as excited when you just come out and say, 'Hey you want to make love?' Then you won't feel as silly. You don't have to dress up or act any certain way to please your husband. Just being your sweet self sometimes is more arousal than anything. When he says something that makes your embarrassed, tell him that your feelings are hurt by it. He sounds like an easy going guy and is probably just trying to figure out how to make you lighten up. Guys sometimes don't see when something they say is hurtful so you have to tell them. Meanwhile, don't worry about trying to be a frisky actress. Just go with the flow and be straightforward about your feelings and soon you will start being more comfortable. Another good thing to do is ask your husband what he likes. Do that sometime when you're not being intimate. Tell him that you want to please him and were just wondering what does. This is a good opportunity to let him know how you feel as well because he will probably ask you to share yours too! Good luck.  

Answer 5

well it will eventually get easier when  you realize you should not be nervous in front of ur husband.. if  you are maybe you married too soon. to late now but well you need to just realize that no matter what you do your are in it together  

Answer 6

You are treading in unchartered territory. As you become more comfortabel with your sexuality you will be more comfortable in how you present yourself, what you say, and how you do things. It is just like starting a new job, you have to get used to the new program.

Also, don't worry about your husband, I am sure he is a little uncomfortabel also with this "new you". He is getting used to it as well.

good luck.

Answer 7

Start walking around the house naked, when you are alone, and maybe when he is there too.  Look at yourself in the mirror as you pass, get to know your body, and what people see, and remember your your own worse critic.  Once you get comfortable with yourself, it maybe easier to feel comfortable naked with your mate.

Answer 8

You both sound pretty stubborn. Good s*x is based on knowing what the other partner wants done to them. First, you two should sit down & talk things out - what do you like & don't like...what does he like & not like. You have to find the erotic zone if you're ever gonna enjoy s*x because it sounds like you're not enjoying it if you think it's "silly."