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I don't know how or what to do!

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The daughter of my sons girlfriend is suffering. Her Mother and Grandmother really do not like her, and show it so much, she is 9. Ok she can be hard work, but, I think that is due to seeking attention, and when she gets it, she doesn't really know how to cope with it, and goes over the top. Bless her. Her brother (7) is the favourite most definitely, he goes out of his way to get her into trouble. He hits her, and kicks her, and even when she hasn't done anything wrong, and it is him that has done things, she is the one that is punished! Her Mum and Grandmother are always telling her that it would be good if she wasn't around. The other day while at our house, the broher just hit her with the bat he had, and she walked off crying, so my husband said that he didn't play games with people that hit others, so the boy started crying, so the little girl turned round and went and comforted the little boy.!!!! When my husband said about it to me, I said it was because, the girl had to stop boy crying or she would get in to trouble. Having spoken to my son about this, he said straight away practically word for word the same as I had. This week, the Grandmother was playing with one of our dogs, and when throwing a toy for dog to retrieve, I became aware that she was lining it up as though she was trying to hit the girl with it. The look on Grandmothers face was almost delight when it did actually hit the girl. Then later she threw it knowing the girl was lying down on floor other side of table, and as it fell, it landed on girls head. The delight on Grandmothers face when she realised it had landed on girls head was so obvious. She didn't say anything. Then when I asked the little girl if she was ok and commented on how it must have hurt, Grandmother said..quite sarcastically...oh sorry! Im worried that the little girl will run away or do something... she is quite intelligent! She did upset my son the other day, as he could hear her crying and she beckoned to him to go with her somewhere away from everyone, then she asked him why her Mother and Grandmother hated her so much. and why they were always so nasty to her, and blamed things on her when it was her brother had obviously done the wrong or naughty thing. My son does his best to reassure her (as we do when we can) but it is so hard to see her face and listen to her being punished and treated so badly. The Mother has arranged for someone to come in and give advice on how to cope and control the daughters naughtiness, and this chap is only told how bad and horrible she is. My husband, son and myself know it isnt her, it is the brother. I am so worried, but it is so difficult. We do try to support the girl, as and when it is right. We also, when we see the boy do nasty things to his sister, draw it to attention, and say to him about it. He is just so crafty, and hides his nastieness. He is soooo good at it. Yes she can be a little whatsit as a lot are, but, we feel she is being treated just so unfairly. We are just so upset by it and don't know how to cope, or what we should be doing. Any helpful advice would be appreciated please!

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6 ANSWERS


  1. So the mother you talk about, is that your sons girlfriend? And if so then he is dating an unfit mother. I don't know if i got that bit right but you say your sons girlfriends daughter right? No child should be treated in this way. what on earth gives anyone the right to **** up a kid in this way. They all sound like a bunch of c***s..

    Please get her out of there, fostering might help if they don't even want her around,. that kid will have major problems with her self esteem and self worth when she is older if she doesn't already. Poor thing. I'm so glad that you are noticing what is going on. Many people would ignore it.. Why don't you suggest she is fostered into a good family..


  2. OMG! That story is terrible. I would call someone up, and talk to them. Maybe a lawyer or someone, that can help the girl out, and put her to a family that will respect her. That is just awful. I rather she be someplace else then be with a family like that. I feel so bad for her right now. Hopefully something good will happen. See what you can do.

  3. If i where you i would get some kind of video evidence or something to prove what the grandmother is doing i would then report them i cannot believe someone of the grandmothers age could hate someone so young its just so harsh.

    You need to get her away from this situation she should be enjoying her childhood not wondering why her mother and her grandmother dont like her what a pair of scumbags.

    At least she has you and your son and your husband to make her realise its not her fault she is being treated so badly why dont you see if you can adopt her.

  4. That girl's grandmother seems like a real *****!

  5. You should report this to a child protection agency or the police.  Even if they don't take action immediately, it would be on record for a start.

  6. i dont htink some of these answers are realistic. you are in a very tough situation..how long has she been your sons girlfiend? how old is she? what is your relatinship with her like? i take it you are fairly close as you meet up with her mother etc

    can you talk to the girlfriend? tell her you are worried and that the little girl has been upset. are you able to suggest parenting classes to her. can you take the glittle girl out alone to boost her self esteem. can you tell the girlfriend what you have seen her mother doing and her other son?

    I doubt very much the child will be removed from her care or indeed that,that is what the child would want. it does sound truly horrible, but whilst your son is just a boyfriend, you are in a very limited position. when you see the grandmother being deliberately cruel..do you say anything to her? because i think i'd start there...show her up.

    could you engage the girlfriend by describing ways you dealt with naughty behaviour (make it up) when yours were young. make like you are supporting her, but not judging, have supernanny on in the background. can you buy her a book and just say you thought it might help as she was having problems with the girls behaviour....as you say she is probably the cause but you dont have to point that out so bluntly. If you approach it like you want to help her she might respond. and obviously continue showing the little girl affection and support and bringing the son and grandmothers trouble making out in the open. good luck in this difficult situation.

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