I don't know what I want...?

Question

I'm 19 and 3 months pregnant. My boyfriend wants me to keep it, I think I want to keep it. But then again, I don't think I'm ready. I know I'm not. I keep getting this horrible feeling that I'm going to have to do the baby thing on my own, well without him, but he reassures me that I won't. I don't want to give up my baby for adoption but I think its the best choice for me and my baby. But I don't want to hurt him.

I feel so conflicted about this right now. I'm in school and I want to eventually have a doctorate degree in some sort of history field so I can be a professor.

My dad said something about being able to go and live with the adoptive parents throughout your pregnancy so you can get to know them and be sure that you are making a good choice. Is that a real program?

Is giving up my baby the best thing for me?

Answer 1

If you decide to give up your baby now, down the road you'll regret doing so, and there's not turning back once that baby's gone. Later on in life if you decide to have more kids, you'll probally feel guilty raising those children, but sending your first off to adoption. I say you absolutely keep your baby and ,even if it's a struggle, remember it was your choice in the first place... so you need to follow through with that choice.

Hope all goes well.

Answer 2

I have adopted before.  I never heard of a program where you live the prospective adoptive parents.  But you do visit, email, phone calls etc.  When I adopted, we meet in a mutual city and stayed for the weekend getting to know each other better before the birthmother made her decision.

Even if someone offered for you to live with them, I would suggest you don't.  I think it would be very awkward once the baby was born. Would they just kick you out once the baby was born, and if they didn't I think it would be very hard for you the first few days to see someone else parenting your child.

I hope that helps.

Answer 3

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Please read these answers.  Adoption sucks.  Keep your kid.

Answer 4

You need to sit down and write what you think is best for you and then on the other side whats best for the baby. If you have family that can help you then ask them since it sounds like you want to keep the baby.  Your dad is right. You can go and live with the adoptive family. But what you  need to remeber they are willing to pay for  your care and take care of you as well. If you decied to keep the  baby, you might have to repay what they spend. I am not sure but just look inot it So, just think abou it. If you feel that this is  best for the baby then do it IF you have any doubt what so ever then dont it. Just look it into and talk to others we have allowed a couple to adopt there child.  ITS YOUR CHOICE!!!! Yes we adopted our duaghter but I am a strong beliver, that it is the BIRTH MOM'S CHOICE. Hang in there and check everything out.

Answer 5

First of all, no one here can tell you what is best for you as none of us know you. If you have the means & resources to raise your child, then I would go for it. You obviously have a boyfriend who WANTS to be a part of this child's life & that is very hard to come by. If you can support this child physically, emotionally & financially then I don't see any reason why you couldn't keep your child. You can still manage going to school & raise a child. I can tell you, from my sister's experience being a single, teenage mother, that it can be done. My sister had her son when she was 17 & seriously considered adoption, but decided against it. She was able to raise her son wonderfully with the help of family & friends. Today, she's very well off, married & now has a daughter as well. Don't have that preconceived notion that having a child is going to ruin your life as a young girl. It's not true. If you just can't do it physically, emotionally or financially then the decision to go through with adoption is yours. I don't know of any programs that allow you to live with adoptive parents throughout your pregnancy, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea as you may decide that you want to keep your baby. I think you should think this through a little more before making a decision.

Answer 6

Wow! This is deep!

Baby Girl, I can't say what's best for you. I can only tell you to go with your gut. Let's be honest with each other, woman to woman, boyfriends typically do NOT stick around to raise children. That's reality. You know that YOU will be responsible for the majority of this child's welfare. You know it and I do to. It's hard enough to make husbands stick around (I have one and we're on our first baby after 10 years), so then it's even harder to make a boyfriend (no legal commitment) to stick around.

Also, if you do keep it, make sure you put his name on the birth certificate and go for child support. Often men promise they will help to avoid that claim on them which follows them for the REST of their life in that particular state (or until the kid is 18). So, be careful not to be fooled into "Oh, I'm going to help you. You don't need to do that", when in fact they are praying you don't file a claim on them so they can roam free and you are stuck w/ a bill (the baby!)...

I ADMIRE your drive to be a history professor. That's so freaking cool. Go for it girlfriend, follow your dreams. I believe YOU could take care of the baby, but it MAY set your dream back and that's just the reality. You may have to put off college for a few years. Sure there is family housing on most campuses, BUT let's face it, you got to get to college first. This is a big choice!

Can I ask why you didn't have an abortion when you could? You are probably too far now, but why did you keep the baby knowing you had such lofty dreams? I'm confused about that. I have two degrees and I was very prepared to abort a baby because my dreams were so large that a baby was incompatible with my goals. I succeed in my goals and I never had to have an abortion, but I was prepared. With s*x, comes big decisions sweetie!

Were you hoping to be asked for marriage due to the baby being present? What did you hope to gain by keeping it?

You could aborted the baby and no one, not even the boyfriend, would have ever been the wiser. My cousin had one abortion, she's now 36 and she has no regrets. She just wasn't ready and had absolutely zero to offer the baby; not even love because she didn't even love herself at 19! Everyone is different, so only you know what you can live with, but now you are going to live with this baby for 9 months and give it up; that's even harder than the abortion to me. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I have such a bond with the baby; I couldn't imagine giving it up at this point since it's been with me so long, and you had to chance to abort before there was any attachments. But we are here now...search your heart. It's not going to be a cakewalk, BUT it can be done. There are TONS of couples who want children; I use to be one before we had invitro. There is no shortage of would-be parents, especially if you are white and a non-drug addict.

GET A PIECE OF PAPER -and weigh the pros and cons. And go from there. The baby's father might not like your decision, but legally he has no say. It's your body. He can't stop you from giving the baby up. BUT realize that he probably won't be your boyfriend after this (the adoption) even, anyway; there are no guarantees on a 'boyfriend'; darn barely any on a husband...but if you give the baby up be ready to lose him too; probably for the best!

I was 19 once and HE most likely 99.5% won't be your boyfriend anyway, in the future. After you enter college, you'll meet better prospects and you won't even remember his first name, no matter how good the s*x was; well, maybe his first name, but you will have moved on! Good luck!

Answer 7

Living with the PAPs will ony make you feel like you OWE then your baby.

If your BF wants to parent, then let him. Give him custody and you can still be there the way men in these cases usually do.

If it were the other way around, and you wanted to baby, would you want someone proceeding with an adoption plan anyway?

You can still me a mom and a student. Where I went to college, there was an early education program and students of the school would take the kids there, and the soon to be teachers would "practice" with them. That would take care of daycare. look in to it.

Answer 8

you said:  I don't want to give up my baby for adoption

then you should not.  you will regret it.  find a way, any way to keep your child.  county and state agencies will help you financially.   support group of young moms, etc.

Answer 9

No one can tell you what is best for you.  Only you can decide that.  

I do think it would be a mistake to make an adoption plan or talk to adoptive parents before birth.  Those things would only make it harder on you.  Take your time.  There is still time to make a decision.  Wait until after birth to make your decision.  Do not rush into anything.

You cannot be sure if adoption will lead to a better life for your child.  Even married couples can get divorced and lose jobs.  And I know that my nmom had grand plans for her life.  After she relinquished me, she spent much of her life trying to undo that decision.  She got married less than a year later and had more children, trying in vain to replace me.

What is best for you, no one else can say.  But you sound unhappy with this decision.  Don't make it yet.  Take your time.

Answer 10

I am sorry this will be long....

First I want to tell you that I respect you for not deciding to abort your baby. However I really do wish that you would reconsider giving it up, although with my not knowing you personally I am in no position to ask that of you. How do you know that your boyfriend would desert you? The most that you can do is believe his words unless you have reason to think otherwise. And a baby is not a disease that will cripple you from achieving your goals-you will have to put more effort into gaining the life that you want but it can still be done with a baby...You sound like an intelligent woman and I just hope you don't make any decisions in haste.

And if you are set on not raising the child, have you considered the option of asking your child's father if he would like the honors of seeing his baby grow. Men are quite capable of being single parents also. Seeing as he would like you to keep the baby means that he prepared to be a part of the child's life and I feel it would be unfair to take that away from him on the basis that you are not ready.

As I said I do not know you and I am not meaning to offend but this is a human life that you are talking about here and not a puppy that you can pass on to the next suitable home.

I am also not against adoption, I think it is a wonderful solution  for people who are unable to bear their own children, there are many loving families that would provide a loving and stable home for your baby, but before they do please make absolutely certain that you can't.... If you do chose adoption know that it will not be easy and you will never be able to erase the fact that your child is out there somewhere...

Whatever you chose, just make sure you do it with the knowledge you need and for the proper reasons...

~Good Luck to you whatever decision you make~

Answer 11

i think you should keep your baby but if you really don't think you will be able to take good care of it then maybe you should. And yes you can find a parent/parents that want to adopt and get to know them through your pregnancy and as your child grows up you can visit him/her. I am sure when he/she is old enough she will understand. But please try to keep your baby because your its birth mommy.

Answer 12

If only I could do it again....... but I can't and I've had to live with that decision for the last 36 years. I had a life of secrets and lies and pain, never knowing how she was or if she was alive and happy and if she hated me. The pain was never ending and if I had it to do again, I would have kept her.

Answer 13

it is not about what is best for you... it is about what would be best for the child. what a lot of women do not realize that they choose to get pregnant. (by having unprotected s*x) so you need to deal with the consequences...

please do not give a child up for adoption solely because you are scared to do it alone and fear you wont get ur doctorate. that has got to be the most selfish thing ever.

do all of your research (and if you are religious, pray / meditate about it) just make sure that whatever you ultimately decide to do is in the best intrest of the CHILD.

good luck

Answer 14

i am adopted and so thankful.  my family is wonderful.  I was financially secure and well loved. my  mom couldn't have children and so i was her miracle.  she continues to give me unconditional love and support.

Answer 15

I think you should keep researching until you find your answer.  

There are so many programs out there to help young parents and their children.  Having a child deoesn't mean you can't fulfill all of your dreams, it just means that you're going to be very busy working on them and being a parent at the same time.  There is financial, medical, and educational assistance out there.  Contact your local social services for information.

On the other hand, if  you decide to make an adoption plan for your child, there is plenty of help out there as well.

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I agree with GEE GEE.