I don't know what to do about this.?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 months. Yesterday we got the cable bill, and he wouldn't let me see it. It was because he had spent $80 on p**n. So I saw it and we got into a fight, and he swore he hadn't done it any other time besides that. It just disgusts me, and I am between jobs, and we're hurting for money, and to spend that money on p**n is so stupid. So this morning I get up to turn on the TV, and the channel where you order movies is on. So automatically I think he's done it again. So I get the statement out of the garbage and try to go find the other statements, but I guess he's thrown them away. So I get online and register so we can pay our account online and look at statements. We've been in this house for almost a year, and over the past 7 months he's spent over $730 on p**n. Even when we're hurting for money and we're trying to pay for our wedding, and he's griping at me for spending that money. What am I supposed to think about that? I was soooo mad, so I sent him a message at work. I know it's normal for guys to buy p**n, but 1. it disgusts me, 2. that's an ungodly amount to spend if i'm not mistaken, 3. we have bills we can't pay now, and 4. he lied to me about the whole thing. Am I blowing this out of proportion or am I in the right here? This is the first major thing that's come up in our marriage,and it scares me bc it's not a small thing at all to me.

Answer 1

even if its normal for guys to watch p**n, women don't seem to understand that when men watch this, they are lusting after OTHER women. to me its as if men are saying "okay i'm married to you but i have other needs too, you are not enough". p**n is NOT neededin marriage and if men just can't let that go, they shouldnt get married.. when you marry someone you're suppose to put all that garbage aside and when you marry someone, that means the person you marry is all you need.

if i were in your shoes and this is how things are going to be as long as i am with him, he is NOT worth it. if he can't seem to understand that money is scarce in that period of time in your life, then break things off. and the fact that he's hiding it from you is even worse.

Answer 2

I can understand how hurt and angry you feel about this happening so early in your marriage, The reason he got mad at you for what you spent is guilt. He knows d**n well he shouldn't be spending this money on that c**p and my guess is that he feels secretly wretched about it. The fact is, he is addicted to p**n and can't get off it without some help.

          Try and talk to him about this in a calm manner, pointing out that there is no spare money for his 'hobby' and that he is hurting you and his marriage. Maybe ask him to see a counsellor, with or without you.

Answer 3

well yeah it is normal for guys to look at p**n, but when yo are scraping for money and he has spent that much it is crazy.  It sounds as though he has a problem.  

Linda

Answer 4

It is "NORMAL" for guys to look at p**n?  That is just an excuse to watch the filth....Viewing a p**n is a choice....I have yet to hear of a guy dying because he was denied p**n.....I think you would be wise to seriously reconsider marrying this guy....He has an addiction to p**n....He lies about it and spends money you don't have to support this addiction...Things will only get worst if he doesn't seek help for this addiction.

Answer 5

find out if you can have the paid preview blocked through he cable company. that will solve the bill problem. But sad to say there is a deeper issue if he cant tell you the truth about it all. As well as even if you think pron is disgusting its not to most men, some even have an addiction to it. Without arguing try and discus things on a calm level and come up with a common agreement on the p**n watching thing. He could have lied for two reasons 1.Your reaction could have put him on defense and tried to avoid a fight or 2He has issues with watching p**n and wants to keep it a secret.  You are going to have to accept that he will watch it rather or not you like it or not that part he has proved but maybe look into cheaper methods oh say like its cheaper to buy a few dvds then it is for paid preview. But the two of you have to work this out and compromise and be honest or it will lead to bigger issues down the road

Answer 6

He has a serious problem spending money on p**n that he doesn't have and lying about it to you to. He doesn't need that p**n and don't let him categorize it with the excuse that all men do it because not all men are focused on it. The reality about it here is that he is and is disrespecting you over it and that's the bottom line. If a man can spend that kind of money to watch gutter garbage what extent would he go to spend his time and money on anything like that in his life? That's just messed up when he has you the real thing in his his life and he would rather keep sticking his head in a trash can sweetie. I would be mad as h**l to especially when he could have used that money more wisely like spending it on the necessities in our lives and better yet on you.

Answer 7

HE IS AN *** TO WASTE MONEY LIKE THAT ON p**n.

Answer 8

1. I don't think there's anything wrong about watching p**n, if you make it a big deal then he'll see it as more appealing, 2- that IS an ungodly amount for p**n, you can do alot with $730!, 3- it's ****** up that now you can't pay the bills, my motto is you can spend your money the way you want to AFTER you pay your bills, it's called prioritizing. 4- a spouse should never lie to another about anything! even a white lie [when i ask someone if these jeans make my *** lokk fat or flat, i expect the TRUTH!]. I don't think you are blowing it out of proportion due to the simple fact that that IS alot of money and you can't pay your bills! That's irresponsible! I'm sorry

edit: i dont know if it's normal or not for a guy to watch p**n, i really can't answer that. I'm not a guy and i do watch p**n.